'Excuse me' different in British & American English?

April 3, 2017 10:52 PM

I just had a confusing interaction with a stranger on a train. I was sitting in a seat with a table & a man sat in the seat across the table from me. As he sat his feet bumped me mine & he said 'Excuse me'. His tone was ambiguous so I asked him (pleasantly, I thought) whether he meant, 'I apologise' or 'Please will you move your feet over a bit.' He reacted as if he didn't understand the question & even when I explained, still appeared not to understand what I was asking & implied I was being aggressive. This was very surprising in the very quiet & polite atmosphere of a British early morning commuter train. However he had an American accent, so I am wondering if in American English the phrase 'Excuse me' doesn't have these 2 possible meanings?
posted by cantthinkofagoodname to Human Relations (23 answers total)

Best answer: It can mean either one to me (USAmerican), but I would be startled and taken aback if someone asked me to clarify which one I meant. I'd automatically move my feet a bit more out of the way regardless.
posted by wintersweet at 10:56 PM on April 3, 2017 [48 favorites]

Best answer: I'd assume it meant both. I think it's strange to ask rather than just both ceding the space.
posted by potrzebie at 11:10 PM on April 3, 2017 [21 favorites]

It can mean either (American as well, train commuter in the American west on a very pleasant, quiet metro), ditto that I would be quite taken aback by you asking during my early morning quite, pleasant commute. I would assume in your very pleasant way you were being sarcastic about my use of space and mocking me for being rude enough to speak up after inadvertently bumping my feet against yours. I would have definitely given you polite side eye and returned to my book.
posted by arnicae at 11:18 PM on April 3, 2017 [15 favorites]

I am also from the US and the phrase can have both meanings for me, my interpretation would depend on the context. I would have also most likely been surprised and taken aback if someone asked me this in public transportation, a space where people tend to limit both verbal and physical interactions as much as possible (especially if you insisted I provide an answer if I indicated that I didn't understand).

So in the train, I think it kind of does mean both "sorry for bumping into you" and then the polite thing for the bumpee to do is to move their feet over to make sure they aren't infringing on the other's space.
posted by Blissful at 11:21 PM on April 3, 2017 [3 favorites]

It can be either or both.

His tone was ambiguous so I asked him (pleasantly, I thought) whether he meant, 'I apologise' or 'Please will you move your feet over a bit.'

I don't think there's a way of asking that wouldn't come across as sarcastic or passive aggressive.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:38 PM on April 3, 2017 [41 favorites]

As an American who's lived in the UK for over 20 years, what's surprising to me is that on a quiet British commuter train, you asked someone what they meant when they said 'excuse me'.

What?

I wouldn't have understood you either, especially before coffee.
posted by mgrrl at 11:43 PM on April 3, 2017 [65 favorites]

Doesn't really matter which was meant, because you'd do the same thing in both cases - say "no problem" and move your feet.
posted by rd45 at 11:55 PM on April 3, 2017 [5 favorites]

Response by poster: OK, thanks for the clarification everybody. I learn more about human communication everyday.
posted by cantthinkofagoodname at 12:06 AM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]

Not to pile on but rather to partially agree that another intonation would have a different meaning, I suspect this video's second example illustrates what happened and what folks are saying in this thread: "Now here, we don’t really need to get someone’s attention, so we might really mutter it, excuse me, ‘scuse me, ‘scuse me, dropping the first syllable altogether. I’ve noticed sometimes I even almost just whisper it if I accidentally bump into somebody, or if I need to slide between two people, ‘scuse me [3x]. So this is very different from the first case where we needed to get someone’s attention." She's using it as both a tiny apology and a notice to make room. But in view of her first example's different intonation and the meaning it has, I find it easy to imagine that, in the moment when this occurred, you might have wondered if you'd missed a high tone on the second syllable, hypothetically albeit incorrectly suggesting the other person could have wanted a bit more of your attention for something.
posted by Wobbuffet at 12:20 AM on April 4, 2017

Just an elaboration as well that:

1) Things like 'Excuse me' and 'I'm sorry" are just things to ease friction among strangers sharing the same space. They are really almost never an invitation for further discussion or elaboration.

2) If a comment/request from a stranger is ambiguous then the polite thing to do is to interpret that request in the way that is most favorable to them. So, in this case, if you are not sure whether the remark is about something that has concluded or a request to do something then politeness dictates you interpret it as the latter option.

3) You asking for elaboration was interpreted as you understanding 2) above (because we assume/expect others to know these rules) but implying that you were reluctant to do so. Thus interpreted as impoliteness on your part.
posted by vacapinta at 3:34 AM on April 4, 2017 [16 favorites]

I admit I hadn't thought much about it before, but I think that in general people make an assumption about which meaning is in play based on the context and act accordingly. This is interesting to think about - I'm glad you posted the question.
posted by bunderful at 5:14 AM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]

There's also a third meaning - "I'd like to ask a question and this is my way in." Agreed that words alone can never convey meaning. Context is all - but all you need to know here (since no question followed) is that someone felt crowded by you.
posted by Miko at 5:39 AM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]

the very quiet & polite atmosphere of a British early morning commuter train

I don't know, in my experience there is plenty of suppressed rage on those trains which is easily brought to the surface if you have the knack, as I apparently do.
posted by Segundus at 6:07 AM on April 4, 2017 [6 favorites]

As an American who rides on a rail system everyday to commute to work, this to me would imply the person bumped you, said, "Excuse me" in a neutral tone as an apology. It was probably neutral in order not to interrupt your quiet train ride and for him to settle into his. If his American accent was Northeast US region, well, we can be flatter in tone and intonation with strangers than people from other areas of the US in an effort to maintain respect for other people and to also keep an appropriate social distance.
posted by zizzle at 6:43 AM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]

I am American, and I often forget to say "sorry" or "pardon me" in the UK rather than "excuse me" which for us is a catch-all for "sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toe" or "I see I'm in your way." I have experienced misunderstandings based on this difference before, where someone interprets my "excuse me" as a prelude to "do you know the way to Trafalgar Square" or "I need to get by you, GTFA."
posted by RedEmma at 8:55 AM on April 4, 2017 [4 favorites]

As a UK/US half'n'half (Mum'n'Pops), I have trained myself to say "Sorry" or "Pardon me" when I don't expect a reaction from the other person although my US upbringing allows for "Excuse me" in those situations as well as the "Please move" or "Could I importune upon you for a moment to ask a question" situations. It is confusing, but in your shoes (pun intended, I'm afraid) I would have said, "Oh, I'm sorry, do you need a bit more room?" and smile my most American grin ever so they don't think I'm being snarky and actually mean "HOW RUDE!"* Of course, my American friends are always telling me I'm too polite (partly all the "sorry"ing and partly not always picking up on sarcasm). To many Americans "Sorry" accepts blame (and perhaps some fear it invites anger) and "Pardon me" sounds like a mustard commercial (too posh), hence the use of "Excuse me" all over the shop confusing people.

* with all that said, it sounds a bit like he might have assumed the latter regardless, and on his behalf I apologise for his grouchiness.
posted by pammeke at 9:42 AM on April 4, 2017

I can understand where you're coming from, though. I think saying something like "Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need me to move my feet?" would be a better phrasing that would have both clarified it for you, and not at all called his intentions into question.
posted by FirstMateKate at 10:26 AM on April 4, 2017

In this instance, and in most instances, I would simply take this "excuse me" to mean "Oops, sorry... didn't mean to bump you, but I was just getting comfortable. Didn't realize your feet were right there."... and I completely agree with zizzle's commentary on this matter.

Oh, and I'm Canadian, Pacific coastal.
posted by itsflyable at 10:52 AM on April 4, 2017

As a UK commuter I have to barge my way on and off rush-hour trains by saying "excuse me... excuse me..." meaning "I'm coming through, please let me get by", if I bump someone too much I say "sorry" and "thanks" to people who move for me.

In my experience, when I've been in the States and someone has said "excuse me" in the context you describe, it's usually as an apology for something they've done (e.g. bump your feet), not a request to make space for them.

I was taught that "pardon me" is only used if you burp in public, and "pardon?" is for when you want someone to repeat what they've said.
posted by essexjan at 10:59 AM on April 4, 2017

There is a definite trans-Atlantic difference in "excuse me".
In the USA it is thrown out whenever you are about to impinge on someone's space. It's rude not to say it.

In the UK it is kind of "get out of my way" and it's rude to say it, so people avoid saying it wherever possible - they'd rather just give you a look or wait for you to realize you need to move.
posted by w0mbat at 3:56 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]

There is a definite difference. "Excuse me" from an American is most likely in this situation to be his automatic apology for inadvertently bumping into you. An Englishman would much more likely have said "Sorry". We're programmed to say this without thinking whoever it was who did the bumping. Lynn Truss reported on an experiment in the UK where 80% of people who were deliberately bumped into said "Sorry".

Particularly in a train or similar busy public space, in England an "excuse me" (said in a low voice) would be used if someone wanted to get past, either asking you to move or pre-apologising for brushing you as he went past to go where he needed to. "Excuse me" in a louder voice would then veer towards "I'd like to talk to you" or "I need to tell you something" (such as you've dropped your bag). And "Excuse me" in a brusque voice would mean "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Only the last version of this is considered rude.
posted by tillsbury at 11:53 AM on April 5, 2017

I'm Australian, which is English but more inclined to thievery, and if you'd asked me to explain what I meant if I said 'excuse me' after bumping you I'd have looked at you as though you had an extra head.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:51 PM on April 5, 2017

I think I get why you asked which he meant -- you wanted to know if you'd done something wrong and needed to correct it , yeah?

Or at least that's a response I might have had in that situation. Because I'm anxiety-prone about human interactions and reflexively worry that I've done something wrong.

My default is to say "oh I'm sorry," and most of the time I find people absolve me of fault by saying "no problem" or whatever. That's probably not a terrible way to be, but I should also probably work on not feeling too deeply guilty about these things.

My big American/British loss-in-translation phrase "are you ok?" British store clerks seem to say it to mean "do you need assistance/can I help you find anything?" But I always hear it the way someone would say it if they saw you emerge from a bathroom with a tear-streaked face, or, alternately, if they were questioning your right to be somewhere.
posted by mrmurbles at 6:58 PM on April 5, 2017