Help navigating through new stages of loss & grief

September 8, 2016 7:08 AM

I'm struggling still, and with every week comes a new stage of grief that is so unfamiliar to me that my only place to turn is here (and my therapist), because I don't want to get my family and friends involved anymore, as I have involved them TOO much in the past.

Everyone in my life at this point is tired and just responds, "get over it," "he's no good," "your amazing...you'll be fine...you have your daughter," etc., I have no help just learning to grieve what I thought my future would be, only a month ago, i still loved him, we still had happy times, we were a family- now I'm almost most every day. How do you cope with new stages of seperation, and feelings of depression, dread, anxiety, second guessing everything. I have been seperated from my partner, the father of my child, for a little over a month now. For this month he has been in contact to visit his daughter, and usually will say things like I cant believe we cant work this out, please let me have my girls back, please let me back in, I need my family, we can get through this, don't push me away... etc.

I could easily cave. I've done it before, but I haven't YET (I'm obviously not confident enough in myself or my decision to feel scared). I've remained strong. I never felt he loved me, or really respected me all that much. But I blame myself because I wasn't easy to love and I made this hard. Recently, he confesses his love to the woman who he cheated on me with 2 years ago, and has already begun getting attention from other woman, but then begs at my doorstep for us back- that is alarming to me. Right now, I have strong feelings of guilt and pain and am teetering on almost feeling depressed. I keep pushing him away, and knowing what I'm doing is right but then I second guess if I should just give in for my daughter's sake, and that I know he is going to be great for another woman, and that pain I'm not sure I can live with. I don't know how to live with watching him move forward with a new family, when I do know he will be happy and that I just wasn't the one to bring that happiness and joy to his life- and that is so selfish of me.

Stages I'm in: he reminds me of how great we could be, how he wants his family back (all while knowing he has been out with other woman and in contact with his ex), I stay strong and ask him to stop and just be a daddy to our daughter, her listens and stops and then I feel panicked- I hated that he kept pressuring me but when he doesn't, what is this anxiety feeling I'm having...almost a detox off drugs feeling- wait, I'm not that special and you really don't want me back? I'm so confused by all of this.

All these new feelings, doubt, regret, am I doing the right thing, what if I'm the crazy one, what if I'm letting the best thing walk out of my life, I'm giving up on my family, this man has been begging for me back (it's happened before) so I can only assume it will happen again. It wasn't REALLY THAT BAD, hes the father of my child. What are the stages of grief, is this normal, or is this my gut telling me I'm doing it all wrong? I don't want to become depressed, or that woman that stalks and lives off someone elses life. I feel hopeless. I feel like I deserved to just be loved and respected, but maybe my idea of love and respect is way too much to ask for.

posted by MamaBee223 to Human Relations