Finding time for marriage therapy
August 29, 2016 12:40 PM Subscribe
Hello everyone,
I have posted previously about my marriage to a man originally from South America. I am from the U.S.
We have been to marriage counseling 2 times in the past, with very limited success. It seems to help for about a month..but doesn't get at the major issues.
My main issues are my husband's deep loyalty to his family. He will put up with any bad behavior and do whatever he can to keep the peace, even if it means telling me to "put up with it" and "that's how things are". For example, his brother treating me like crap.
My husband gives way too much money to his parents. They are financially irresponsible. He continues to do things like put them on our cell phone plan, even when I have told him I think it is way too much to be adding them to our plan. We cannot continue to support them AND have three young children at home.
He does not appear willing to create a budget of how much he will give his parents. I appreciate that he does not constantly question me on how I spend my money, but he knows I do everything I can to save money and make money on side jobs, etc....and I feel that it goes directly to his parents.
My parents have $. They have said in the past that they are willing to give us $ for something we need--toward a new house, or adding on to our house, etc...but my dad says "I am not giving you $ if it's going to your in laws".
The stress of this is eating away at me. I feel sick to my stomach all the time.
I know we need marriage therapy. I don't know any good therapists...and I know my husband doesn't have the time to be marriage therapy shopping with me.
Plus, I have no idea how or when we would actually go if we have three young children at home and don't even have time to go out on our own at this point? It's embarrassing to ask someone to babysit "so we can go to counseling??"
Feeling very stuck in my marriage and I want to make changes but lost about what to do.
My main issues are my husband's deep loyalty to his family. He will put up with any bad behavior and do whatever he can to keep the peace, even if it means telling me to "put up with it" and "that's how things are". For example, his brother treating me like crap.
My husband gives way too much money to his parents. They are financially irresponsible. He continues to do things like put them on our cell phone plan, even when I have told him I think it is way too much to be adding them to our plan. We cannot continue to support them AND have three young children at home.
He does not appear willing to create a budget of how much he will give his parents. I appreciate that he does not constantly question me on how I spend my money, but he knows I do everything I can to save money and make money on side jobs, etc....and I feel that it goes directly to his parents.
My parents have $. They have said in the past that they are willing to give us $ for something we need--toward a new house, or adding on to our house, etc...but my dad says "I am not giving you $ if it's going to your in laws".
The stress of this is eating away at me. I feel sick to my stomach all the time.
I know we need marriage therapy. I don't know any good therapists...and I know my husband doesn't have the time to be marriage therapy shopping with me.
Plus, I have no idea how or when we would actually go if we have three young children at home and don't even have time to go out on our own at this point? It's embarrassing to ask someone to babysit "so we can go to counseling??"
Feeling very stuck in my marriage and I want to make changes but lost about what to do.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Hey there, I'm sorry you're in this very difficult situation, but AskMe isn't for venting or asking the same question over and over. If you want to rewrite to a new question, get in touch with me in the next hour or so. -- LobsterMitten
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