When you get to know someone and then you meet their partner....
August 25, 2016 8:53 AM Subscribe
On 2 occasions in the last few years I developed a friendship with people I knew through work circles. I got to know them independently over a period of months or even years in what I would describe as deeper than acquaintance level friendship. Then they introduced me to their partner...
In the first example, this guy is very judgemental about others being redneck types that are loud and like to drink and swear. When he invited me to his house to meet his wife, she greeted me at the door by jumping on me and wrapping her legs around me (she is of small build and have never seen each other or spoken before). Then it was obvious that she was drunk and she proceeded to pass out on the floor with her husband lovingly putting feet on her body saying "this is what I married". jokingly As I got to know them as couple, this was a few times a week occurrence. Even when she isn't drunk, she is extremely loud and forceful. She has always been lovely to me so I am not trying to paint her in a negative light. I was just taken aback by the fact that she would literally be the last person I would imagine her husband marrying. Not just from his personality but from who he gets along with and how he speaks of people with similar personalities as his wife. Yet it is also clear that he has a deep affection for her so it's not like he can't stand her or anything. Just what the f?
The other example is a woman who is very sweet natured but of generally poor health. She always described her husband as the kindest man she knew and went into great detail how he took care of her when she was ill. The first time I met him, he talked in glowing terms about Nazis and then took one of my comments the wrong way and angrily accused me of being a "feminist bitch". Literally the last thing you would expect of how his wife painted him.
I am generally perceptive about people and those are the exceptions; most people have partners within the range of what you would expect after knowing them. How would you describe those situations? Maybe these people have a public side that is not even close to who they truly are. I sort of see someone's partner as a reflection of their innermost desires and needs. Someone who they are totally themselves around. It's also like these people are not really aware of this discrepancy.
What would be the most likely explanation for this?
In the first example, this guy is very judgemental about others being redneck types that are loud and like to drink and swear. When he invited me to his house to meet his wife, she greeted me at the door by jumping on me and wrapping her legs around me (she is of small build and have never seen each other or spoken before). Then it was obvious that she was drunk and she proceeded to pass out on the floor with her husband lovingly putting feet on her body saying "this is what I married". jokingly As I got to know them as couple, this was a few times a week occurrence. Even when she isn't drunk, she is extremely loud and forceful. She has always been lovely to me so I am not trying to paint her in a negative light. I was just taken aback by the fact that she would literally be the last person I would imagine her husband marrying. Not just from his personality but from who he gets along with and how he speaks of people with similar personalities as his wife. Yet it is also clear that he has a deep affection for her so it's not like he can't stand her or anything. Just what the f?
The other example is a woman who is very sweet natured but of generally poor health. She always described her husband as the kindest man she knew and went into great detail how he took care of her when she was ill. The first time I met him, he talked in glowing terms about Nazis and then took one of my comments the wrong way and angrily accused me of being a "feminist bitch". Literally the last thing you would expect of how his wife painted him.
I am generally perceptive about people and those are the exceptions; most people have partners within the range of what you would expect after knowing them. How would you describe those situations? Maybe these people have a public side that is not even close to who they truly are. I sort of see someone's partner as a reflection of their innermost desires and needs. Someone who they are totally themselves around. It's also like these people are not really aware of this discrepancy.
What would be the most likely explanation for this?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, this is pretty much chatfilter. -- LobsterMitten
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