Giving feedback to defensive boss

February 29, 2016 9:21 PM

Last week, my manager asked me to attend an important meeting with his manager and others, but did not tell me when the meeting was. I went ahead and scheduled some important personal appointments for Friday, and sent him an email to say I would be working from home that day (but did not say I had appointments). When he saw my email my manager told me the meeting was Friday and demanded that I move my appointments and come into the office to attend the meeting.

He only told me this the day before the meeting. This wasn't a surprise, because generally he is very disorganized, mostly because he is too busy (he has a practice of taking on too much work). But he is not a bad guy and I like working for him and this company.

He knows I was annoyed about his actions, because he heard my tone of voice when he called me, and he quickly apologized for asking me to change my plans. But I want to give him the direct feedback that his behavior was inconsiderate and rude and caused me a lot of inconvenience. The only problem is that in the past when I have brought up this kind of issue he has become defensive and tried to turn it back on me. How can I tell him in a way that will avoid this?

posted by Tamien to Work & Money (4 answers total)

I don't know, I actually think you're in the wrong here for not checking that there wasn't anything scheduled in the office for the day you wanted to work from home.
posted by MsMolly at 9:27 PM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

In my book, your workplace has the right to set the priorities on which tasks you do during working hours. So, asking you change your plans from working at home (whatever that is supposed to be about) to coming into the office for an important meetings seems like an appropriate use of power. If you had actually been planning to work at home, telling you the day before to change your plans might be frustrating or inconsiderate but not rude or inappropriate.

The problem is that you had made plans (without disclosing it to your boss) and you didn't check to make sure that there wasn't anything on work calendar that would be a conflict. If your boss was more organized, it wouldn't have been a problem. But if you had been clearer or double checked, it wouldn't have been a problem either.

Accept his apology and move on.
posted by metahawk at 9:30 PM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]

I think you got off easy with him apologizing for expecting you to do actual company work on company time rather than personal appointments.

Also, last week when he said he wanted you to attend an important meeting, did you ask him what day and time or simply wait for him to tell you knowing that he is a disorganized type who may ask last minute?

Don't get me wrong, I would be annoyed too, but sometimes that is the way it is.
posted by AugustWest at 9:36 PM on February 29, 2016

My boss wouldn't do this to me but I'd also clear a WFH/personal day with her first.

So to answer your question, I would ask him how he would prefer to handle these situations going forward-- does he WANT you to check in, or would he prefer to be more hands-off and then not get hyper with you?
posted by stoneandstar at 9:36 PM on February 29, 2016