Male friend rejected me. How do I get over not feeling good enough?
December 14, 2015 12:41 PM Subscribe
Long-term male friend turned me down. How do I make sense of it and recover?
Last thread: http://ask.metafilter.com/289378/Have-I-ended-an-emotional-affair-or-a-friendship-was-I-becoming-OW. He responded to my email.
Sadly for me, he has a serious girlfriend and I realised it was too painful for me to continue the friendship while watching the relationship unfold.
His response was a long heartfelt email and a gentle rejection:
- He told me he thinks that "Platonic" friendship is the most profound relationship there is, that there can be nothing deeper and that he "cherishes" what we have.
- He thinks the “dynamic” has changed between us since we started spending more time together (although says he had no idea my feelings had changed). He then said he has "not had the opportunity to fully process this change due to my personal situation."
- He admitted he has been enduring an "emotionally traumatic" time for the past 18 months (as it happens, he moved in with his gf 18 months ago – and tracked me down after a period of NC just after moving in with her).
- He said he wants to spend more time together & pick up where we left off once he feels more like himself again.
- He said we are each other’s rocks & reinstated his desire to help me through life's difficulties. Shouldn’t his gf be his rock? Shouldn’t my future partner be MY rock?
- He said he would give me the time I need to resolve my "emotional confusion". And then said “this isn’t the end of our friendship”, asking when he can contact me again and signing off with his love.
Qs:
1) Avoiding eradication of self-worth. So, he deeply admires and respects me, thinks I'm interesting and beautiful - even told me I'm his type - but I'm not worth it enough to give things a go or stir up feelings in him. How do I not take this incredibly personally?
2) Will it be possible to have a stronger "Platonic" friendship with better boundaries in the future? Or will I always wonder why I wasn't enough.
Last thread: http://ask.metafilter.com/289378/Have-I-ended-an-emotional-affair-or-a-friendship-was-I-becoming-OW. He responded to my email.
Sadly for me, he has a serious girlfriend and I realised it was too painful for me to continue the friendship while watching the relationship unfold.
His response was a long heartfelt email and a gentle rejection:
- He told me he thinks that "Platonic" friendship is the most profound relationship there is, that there can be nothing deeper and that he "cherishes" what we have.
- He thinks the “dynamic” has changed between us since we started spending more time together (although says he had no idea my feelings had changed). He then said he has "not had the opportunity to fully process this change due to my personal situation."
- He admitted he has been enduring an "emotionally traumatic" time for the past 18 months (as it happens, he moved in with his gf 18 months ago – and tracked me down after a period of NC just after moving in with her).
- He said he wants to spend more time together & pick up where we left off once he feels more like himself again.
- He said we are each other’s rocks & reinstated his desire to help me through life's difficulties. Shouldn’t his gf be his rock? Shouldn’t my future partner be MY rock?
- He said he would give me the time I need to resolve my "emotional confusion". And then said “this isn’t the end of our friendship”, asking when he can contact me again and signing off with his love.
Qs:
1) Avoiding eradication of self-worth. So, he deeply admires and respects me, thinks I'm interesting and beautiful - even told me I'm his type - but I'm not worth it enough to give things a go or stir up feelings in him. How do I not take this incredibly personally?
2) Will it be possible to have a stronger "Platonic" friendship with better boundaries in the future? Or will I always wonder why I wasn't enough.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, AskMe isn't for relationship play-by-play of this sort. Your question from last week is still open, go ahead and put this update in there. -- LobsterMitten
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