How to avoid stress during pregnancy when the father is a large soure?

October 13, 2015 9:05 PM

Hello. So I'm recently pregnant. I'm trying to remain as stress free as possible due to the high miscarriage rate. The problem is every time I have contact with the father I am extremely stressed for days. When I so getget to be happy and okay again, he pops up again and it happens all over again. How do I not let him get to me?

We are recently broken up. This pattern isn't new... But now I have a kid to worry about. I just recovered from a bout of serious depression and stress resulting from an argument with him. Since then and since I told him he'd been ignoring me so I assumed he was out of the picture; I told him I felt this way and he still ignored me and didn't correct me. He has now given me a reasonable explanation for the silence but I still feel he could have corrected me sooner. To be fair he did say he wanted to have discussion when I told him the news, but since he ignored me after that I thought he changed his mind.

So those few days without him I was able to recover and go back to being happy and feeling life was good. Then I wake up to a nasty email from him asking why I was ruining his life and reputation by announcing. One of his friends somehow slipped through my privacy settings on FB.

Now I'm back to being depressed, weepy and suicidal. I don't blame him - I have depression and I know there's something wrong mentally that he is able to make such a huge impact on my mental health, well being and will to live.

Now he wants to talk in person and it seems he wants to try to convince me to get an abortion. I'm afraid of seeing him and how much stress it will put on me. He is the father so I know he has to be in my life. But he chose to be silent while that decision was being made and there's no going back now.

Do I have to see him? And how do I not let my interactions with him stress me out so much? When I got that email it was so bad I was shaking, had chest pain, and all that other good stuff. I don't want to have a stress induced miscarriage. What do I do?

Thanks in advance.

posted by Autumn to Human Relations (3 answers total)

"weepy and suicidal"

If you're feeling "suicidal", please get yourself to an emergency room or a safe place where caring folks will look after you and your baby to be.

And, no, you don't "need to see him" at this moment if you don't choose to...take care of yourself first...
posted by HuronBob at 9:16 PM on October 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Hi Autumn. I am worried about you. Being depressed during pregnancy is probably more common than people think. Being suicidally depressed when pregnant is not normal and may not be safe.

I want to ask you to meet with a counselor as soon as possible. Your level of anxiety and depression is something that would benefit from evaluation and treatment.

If you have a real plan for suicide, I recommend you call 911 and tell them that.

With concern,

Felix
posted by latkes at 9:16 PM on October 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

Do you have a doctor? Please do remember that hormones all over the place in early pregnancy will make you weepy and depressed without something needing to be wrong with you. But if you have untreated depression, it's good to have another set of eyes on the problem.

You are also under no obligation to talk to him right now at all. You have no need to see him and you have every right to refuse to see him. There will be time enough to talk when you are calmer and can handle it. Do you have a friend who can support you in this? Your priority right now is you. Forget him and his rights and needs. He has them, but they aren't relevant for the moment.
posted by frumiousb at 9:19 PM on October 13, 2015