white lady at a black hair salon
August 25, 2015 3:18 AM Subscribe
Is it rude for me to go to a Black hair salon as a white woman to get my hair cut? I have curly hair.
I’ve got curly hair and I’ve had a hard time in the past finding a hair dresser who knows how to deal with my hair. My second-to-last hair dresser was one of the first people who understood my hair really well, and it turned out that she had spent her early years working primarily with African-American customers. So when I moved last year and needed to find a new hair dresser, I decided to go to the nearby Black women’s hair salon to get a hair cut, hoping that they would also be good with my curly hair.
They were fairly surprised to see me walk in and make an appointment, and even more surprised, I think, when I actually showed up for that appointment 3 days later. I’m not in the U.S. and the lady who seemed to own the salon only spoke French, as did most of her assistants. I don’t speak French unfortunately. However, one of her assistants spoke English, so she translated for me: “Shorter, with layers,” and with that, her boss gave me the best haircut I think I’ve ever had. I tried to be polite and friendly the whole time, and I also minded my own business and didn’t do anything rude like stare at other women getting their braids undone, etc. While I was getting my hair cut, various people wandered over to watch and chat with the owner, and if they caught my eye, I smiled at them and they smiled back. I thanked the lady at the end who had translated for me and shepherded me through the salon, and gave her a good tip.
And now it’s time for me to get another haircut, and I’m wondering if it would be appropriate for me to go back. I don’t mind being that weird white girl if that’s all it is, but that salon was clearly a community—the owner and other people there were chatting and laughing with each other the whole time, and there was a woman trying on hats and asking the owner’s advice about them—and I know that being a minority can be really exhausting sometimes and so it’s nice to just have your own space sometimes. And I also know that taking care of their hair can be a complicated, private thing for a lot of black women.
All of which is a long way to ask: do you think it’s appropriate for me to go back and get my hair cut there? Like I said, I’m mostly worried about my presence making the other customers there uncomfortable, and if that's the case, then I will find somewhere else to go. I don’t mind though if the main effect is that the owner and the customers just think I’m a bit odd.
I’ve got curly hair and I’ve had a hard time in the past finding a hair dresser who knows how to deal with my hair. My second-to-last hair dresser was one of the first people who understood my hair really well, and it turned out that she had spent her early years working primarily with African-American customers. So when I moved last year and needed to find a new hair dresser, I decided to go to the nearby Black women’s hair salon to get a hair cut, hoping that they would also be good with my curly hair.
They were fairly surprised to see me walk in and make an appointment, and even more surprised, I think, when I actually showed up for that appointment 3 days later. I’m not in the U.S. and the lady who seemed to own the salon only spoke French, as did most of her assistants. I don’t speak French unfortunately. However, one of her assistants spoke English, so she translated for me: “Shorter, with layers,” and with that, her boss gave me the best haircut I think I’ve ever had. I tried to be polite and friendly the whole time, and I also minded my own business and didn’t do anything rude like stare at other women getting their braids undone, etc. While I was getting my hair cut, various people wandered over to watch and chat with the owner, and if they caught my eye, I smiled at them and they smiled back. I thanked the lady at the end who had translated for me and shepherded me through the salon, and gave her a good tip.
And now it’s time for me to get another haircut, and I’m wondering if it would be appropriate for me to go back. I don’t mind being that weird white girl if that’s all it is, but that salon was clearly a community—the owner and other people there were chatting and laughing with each other the whole time, and there was a woman trying on hats and asking the owner’s advice about them—and I know that being a minority can be really exhausting sometimes and so it’s nice to just have your own space sometimes. And I also know that taking care of their hair can be a complicated, private thing for a lot of black women.
All of which is a long way to ask: do you think it’s appropriate for me to go back and get my hair cut there? Like I said, I’m mostly worried about my presence making the other customers there uncomfortable, and if that's the case, then I will find somewhere else to go. I don’t mind though if the main effect is that the owner and the customers just think I’m a bit odd.
I don't see the problem. I don't cut hair, but in my business (which I operate in order to to earn my living) anyone who comes through the door is a customer and paying customers - especially repeat ones - are always welcome.
posted by three blind mice at 3:43 AM on August 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by three blind mice at 3:43 AM on August 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
Op, you should mention your country, US people will likely only be able to answer from an American perspective which may not be relevant for you.
posted by smoke at 5:23 AM on August 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by smoke at 5:23 AM on August 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
Mod note: One comment deleted. Quick reminder: some fields on profile pages are not viewable by non-members, and we ask that people not share that (semi)private info from other members. Thanks.
posted by taz (staff) at 5:49 AM on August 25, 2015
posted by taz (staff) at 5:49 AM on August 25, 2015
I agree with smoke. If you are in a country where black people are fearful of whites, you could be causing an issue. If there is a lot of racial hatred, you could even put them at risk for being burned down for serving you. But, if you are in a pretty socialized country, just go get your haircut. I'm white in southern Louisiana and I've used black salons before. It's not generally done but those have been my best cuts. Worst shampoos, though. I asked and was told that their regular customers want scrubbing with fingernails. I do not. So, that may be the only thing you want to look out for.
posted by myselfasme at 5:52 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by myselfasme at 5:52 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
oh, sorry - well, if people want to know where op is living, check her profile.
posted by andrewcooke at 6:03 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by andrewcooke at 6:03 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You know, it seems that the women in the shop handled things just fine. Be effusive if you like the cut and tip nicely if that is done where you live. Post a review on Yelp (you don't need to mention your whiteness just say it is a friendly place with talented staff) and enjoy the cross-cultural experience. Next time, write some french on a card or practice saying, "Thank you so much -- my curly hair is difficult -- your work is wonderful!"
posted by amanda at 7:02 AM on August 25, 2015
posted by amanda at 7:02 AM on August 25, 2015
Response by poster: I'm in a middle-class town in a European country.
posted by colfax at 7:05 AM on August 25, 2015
posted by colfax at 7:05 AM on August 25, 2015
Best answer: No sweat. Quite to the contrary, I think they are flattered that you found the job good enough the first time that you want to come again.
Now if you really want to to share the laughter et al., try learning some Lingala.
posted by Kwadeng at 7:06 AM on August 25, 2015
Now if you really want to to share the laughter et al., try learning some Lingala.
posted by Kwadeng at 7:06 AM on August 25, 2015
Unless you are living in a place with serious racial tensions, I don't think it's a problem at all. Before reading the whole story, I was going to warn you that just because your hair is curly doesn't mean a black hair salon will solve your hair issues, but since you've already had the best haircut of your life, I would learn some French and go back every time your hair needs cutting.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 7:07 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 7:07 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Here's a great article from Racked last week about multiracial salons. Note the bit about licensing-- black hairdressers should be more than qualified to handle your hair even if they primarily work with black hair. And your experience confirms that!
Due to the language barrier, I'd advise bringing a photo of yourself with your old cut if you want to ensure that it happens again. Because "shorter, with layers" can mean an entire universe of different things.
posted by acidic at 8:30 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Due to the language barrier, I'd advise bringing a photo of yourself with your old cut if you want to ensure that it happens again. Because "shorter, with layers" can mean an entire universe of different things.
posted by acidic at 8:30 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
I (a white lady) always went to a training salon for cheap haircuts during college, and my hair dresser (who was black) told me that she would feel she had really "made it" in her career when she could work at "a salon, not a just-black-people salon." It's a testament to skill when someone can work with a wide variety of types of human hair. I say don't sweat it and enjoy the great hair cut.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 9:33 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 9:33 AM on August 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Both barbershops and hair salons are sacred in my community. It's not simply a place to get your hair fixed but where you go to feel safe in your conversations about race, life, men, women, etc. I'm sure the salon will happily take your money and continue to do a fine job but I'd give it a few more visits before the patrons warm to you.
I'm black and have been with my white SO for five years. It's only been in the last year that my barber gives my honey dap. It was a long slog.
posted by nubianinthedesert at 9:47 AM on August 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm black and have been with my white SO for five years. It's only been in the last year that my barber gives my honey dap. It was a long slog.
posted by nubianinthedesert at 9:47 AM on August 25, 2015 [2 favorites]
Even if you don't speak French, next time you visit the shop feel free to tell them, as best you can, something like, je ne parle pas francais, mais vous m'avez donné la meilleure coiffure de ma vie (I don't speak French, but you gave me the best hairstyle of my life). That's a two-fer: I don't speak the language here, but I found out how to tell you this because I appreciate your skills so much. Someone else can probably give you a more idiomatically sensible version of what I've written.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 10:44 AM on August 25, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 10:44 AM on August 25, 2015 [7 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks very much for your thoughts, everyone!
posted by colfax at 6:44 AM on August 28, 2015
posted by colfax at 6:44 AM on August 28, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Go back and don't worry about the race stuff. People actually respect you more instead of seeing you as some type of curiosity or interloper.
posted by Funmonkey1 at 3:25 AM on August 25, 2015 [7 favorites]