How do you date someone awesome without feeling unworthy?
July 27, 2015 8:23 AM Subscribe
Been dating someone great... really great.
I can't help feeling like a commoner dating the Prince of Wales, or the geeky girl in a teen movie who gets plucked from obscurity to date the prom king.
I've dated a couple of other guys in the past, but I've never felt unworthy like this. He's just objectively perfect in so many ways, both in objective measures of success (he was valedictorian in high school, state champion of something cerebral, captain of a sports team, went on to top universities, and now excels in a demanding career while also being extremely fit) and in things like: able to build furniture, cook, get up at 5 a.m. to work out, and be playful/funny while under stress. He also falls asleep extremely quickly with a hint of a smile on his face, totally unperturbed by daily stresses.
For comparison, I was kind of a wallflower growing up, had a childhood stutter, missed a chunk of high school due to a hospitalization for depression/eating disorder, and and now have a job I like but it isn't prestigious. I was kind of the neglected middle child in my squabbling dysfunctional family, whereas he was the glorious only child whose parents doted on him and supported him every step of the way. (Not that he's full of himself at all, just peacefully calm and secure.)
He has no idea I feel unworthy of him, but it's hard to carry this secret burden and pretend everything's okay. We are boyfriend and girlfriend and I can scarcely believe it's true, or that it won't disintegrate tomorrow. We have yet to have a fight or even a moment of conflict. He treats me wonderfully and does things like carry my purse when we're walking around.
How do I get over this feeling? "Faking it until I make it" hasn't worked yet.
I've dated a couple of other guys in the past, but I've never felt unworthy like this. He's just objectively perfect in so many ways, both in objective measures of success (he was valedictorian in high school, state champion of something cerebral, captain of a sports team, went on to top universities, and now excels in a demanding career while also being extremely fit) and in things like: able to build furniture, cook, get up at 5 a.m. to work out, and be playful/funny while under stress. He also falls asleep extremely quickly with a hint of a smile on his face, totally unperturbed by daily stresses.
For comparison, I was kind of a wallflower growing up, had a childhood stutter, missed a chunk of high school due to a hospitalization for depression/eating disorder, and and now have a job I like but it isn't prestigious. I was kind of the neglected middle child in my squabbling dysfunctional family, whereas he was the glorious only child whose parents doted on him and supported him every step of the way. (Not that he's full of himself at all, just peacefully calm and secure.)
He has no idea I feel unworthy of him, but it's hard to carry this secret burden and pretend everything's okay. We are boyfriend and girlfriend and I can scarcely believe it's true, or that it won't disintegrate tomorrow. We have yet to have a fight or even a moment of conflict. He treats me wonderfully and does things like carry my purse when we're walking around.
How do I get over this feeling? "Faking it until I make it" hasn't worked yet.
This post was deleted for the following reason: queenofthenight, there's an issue here with multiple Metafilter accounts; please contact us. -- cortex
Realize he's just a person who may feel just like you do about him, about you! He has flaws, oddities, makes mistakes, and will occasionally get explosive diarrhea. I say this because if you really want to enjoy your relationship, you simply cannot put someone on a pedestal. Take it easy, and know you're just as awesome. Find your own awesome instead of fixating on his and grow your confidence. But mostly, have fun.
posted by lunastellasol at 8:28 AM on July 27, 2015
posted by lunastellasol at 8:28 AM on July 27, 2015
How long has it been? Because I can tell you that flaws will emerge even in the most amazing guy.
Once you get to know him better, he'll topple from the pedestal and become human. He'll still be wonderful, but you'll be able to understand we are all just flawed human beings and we just muddle on the best we can. And once he becomes a fully rounded human being to you, you'll understand why he's dating you.
posted by kariebookish at 8:29 AM on July 27, 2015
Once you get to know him better, he'll topple from the pedestal and become human. He'll still be wonderful, but you'll be able to understand we are all just flawed human beings and we just muddle on the best we can. And once he becomes a fully rounded human being to you, you'll understand why he's dating you.
posted by kariebookish at 8:29 AM on July 27, 2015
Aside from the obvious, therapy to sort out your negative self-image?
Enjoy it - this is what a lovely relationship feels like. Looking at them every day and thinking, DAYUM, really? This amazing awesome person is mine? Truly? And settling into the feeling of being a part of something wonderful, loving yourself more because every day you see yourself a little bit more through their eyes, as someone lovable and very much loved.
Enjoy it, cherish it - good to do with all things in life to get the most out of them anyway. This might help you start going to sleep with a smile on your face, too!
posted by greenish at 8:31 AM on July 27, 2015
Enjoy it - this is what a lovely relationship feels like. Looking at them every day and thinking, DAYUM, really? This amazing awesome person is mine? Truly? And settling into the feeling of being a part of something wonderful, loving yourself more because every day you see yourself a little bit more through their eyes, as someone lovable and very much loved.
Enjoy it, cherish it - good to do with all things in life to get the most out of them anyway. This might help you start going to sleep with a smile on your face, too!
posted by greenish at 8:31 AM on July 27, 2015
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And then he chose you :) You ARE awesome.
posted by slipthought at 8:28 AM on July 27, 2015 [1 favorite]