How often do you visit with your parents?

July 26, 2015 1:55 AM

You are an independent, self-sufficient adult with an ok-to-good relationship with your (retired/senior, but in medium to good health) parent(s). You live between 25 - 50 minutes away from them. How often do you visit with them and for how long (you go to them, or they come to you, or you meet in the middle)? I am interested in hearing other people describe how this works for them in ways that they and their parents are generally happy with. Please specify whether you have children or not. Thanks in advance!
posted by bimbam to Human Relations (3 answers total)

I am single and have no children. I live in a major city, and I do not have a car. My father lives in a much smaller city about an hour away by car. I can get to within 25 minutes of him via public transportation.

I see my father about once every 1-2 months. I talk with him on the phone about twice a month in between, and email at least once a week. I see my father's wife (with whom I have a cordial, but not close relationship) about twice a year, because she's pretty good about respecting my need to have alone time with my biological parent.

Mostly, he comes to see me, because his retired schedule is a lot more flexible than my work schedule, and because it would take him almost as long to go pick me up from the train than it does for him to just come all the way in to see me. Plus, there's better stuff to do in my city. Sometimes, if he wants to visit with me in his city (about once a year), he comes to my city and picks me up and drives me to his city. We generally do day trips, mostly to do an activity. We like to go to concerts or the theater or to restaurants together. He has stayed overnight with me a couple of times, and I'm planning to go stay overnight with him later this year.

I know he'd like to see me more often. I think he'd come to my city once a week to have lunch with me if I were able to, but I'm a workaholic and an introvert, and that would be too much for me. But in general, we see each other often enough that he is generally satisfied, and we have fun when we get together.
posted by decathecting at 2:13 AM on July 26, 2015

My dad is semi-employed and 20 minutes away in good traffic. I see him once a week or so. I have no kids; am in a long-term relationship. Dad moved back to our metropolitan area three years ago when his mom got sick. He lives in the city proper; I'm out in the suburbs. I live closer to Grandma, so we often meet up when we get a family dinner. For my whole family, we're very close. We see each other at least once a week, in a whole and with individuals. We also stay in touch with texts, Facebook statuses, and tweets.

Generally, I come to my dad's house to steal his Google Fiber or we're going out for an event, in addition to meeting up with Grandma. Last week, I had brunch with Dad and Grandma on Sunday, then came over to Dad's Monday for the internets. When I left, he asked if I was coming to Friday dinner or Sunday brunch this week.

We usually spend about two to three hours together. Minimum of an hour, which is partially due to my rule that you should always stay at least as long as the drive took. My partner doesn't always come with me, in part due to the time commitment.

My partner's parents live closer in a different suburb, and he has a generally good relationship with them. We see them a lot less often, for no real reason in particular. They text, and sometimes call if it's been a couple weeks. We'll come over, eat dinner or go out to eat. Same basic time spent as with my family when we do go. They're more likely to have a spontaneous dinner for no reason; my family is more likely to want to go to a show.

Both his parents and my dad are happy to hear from us and get a meal or whatever.
posted by RainyJay at 2:20 AM on July 26, 2015

When I last lived that close to my parents (married with one teenager) I'd visit them about twice a week, or perhaps once a week and a trip out with my mother once a week. Personally, I didn't like having them in my home as much, but they might come by for a meal once a month or so. When I'd go over to their home, I'd usually do one or two small maintenance things for them like mowing their lawn or fixing something on their computer, and I used to sometimes drive my mother, who doesn't drive, to an appointment or to meet her friends. This worked okay for me, but I think my spouse may have felt it was too much for him, so I often went over alone.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 2:21 AM on July 26, 2015