Dating a guy from high school who has a questionable past?
June 26, 2015 11:43 AM Subscribe
Questionable past but very sweet. Should I give him a chance? Happy with how things were progressing then plagued with doubt.
Less than a year ago I looked up my very first boyfriend. He and I were "dating" in 7th grade. Needless to say we were scared and awkward. In response to my request of friendship I got an angry message from his girlfriend asking if I knew him. I never answered and considered that my que to step away. We are both 23.
About 8 months later (a few weeks ago) he actually found me and knew nothing about me looking him up as she deleted it before he could find it and had his passwords. They broke up a few months ago after 4 years. She has 3 kids and obviously is unstable. She policed his facebook activity, hit him, had numerous facial piercings, a facial tattoo, rainbow hair, and was a stripper. She looks strung out in her pictures. It was scary to be messaged by her. She was 24 when she met him and he was 19. He says after a month things were downhill and he got sucked in. He was playing dad to her kids and paying her bills.
Now he is ready to move on, lives back at home with his parents while he gets back on his feet, etc. He left her everything for her kids. He has a huge heart and was always kind even when we were kids. We ended up splitting apart after he went to a different high school. I had a feeling he was doing bad things. He became a pot dealer at 16 and was drunk a lot, did shrooms, acid, etc. He chose to go to a military academy to straighten up and says he got involved in sports and academics. But then he got involved with her. Lol which I guess was tough when you are young and you want a relationship badly. He was always quiet and hasnt dated a lot. He says he just thought being miserable was toughing it out for a relationship.
He says she had surgery and started taking pills for pain but started abusing them. I asked if he ever took them and he said no. He seems to know about all the sketchy things in the area though and that scares me. He has been helping his parents fix the car he borrows from them and he doesn't have a lot of money to pay for us to go out so I have paid for a lot of our dates. Which is okay because I know he is saving for a car and left his car for his ex to have for her children.
He says he loves me already. We've been dating 3 weeks. I am not there yet but he is head over heels for me and he is so attentive, giving, and thoughtful. I just wonder how he knows that so quickly, I don't work that way. He calls me frequently and comments on my facebook posts and says I am such a perfect person. I am not but I think he is just infatuated. He says maybe that is true but I am so kind to him, he is very attracted to me, thinks I'm smart, and he wants to go back to school because he is with me. He loves that I am baggage free and don't have tattoos piercings and kids. I am just worried he is still involved with drugs. I don't think his parents would have let him come home if he was but still. If he was done with that why did he date someone so obviously unstable? It makes me weary. I tried to ignore the feeling but suddenly amidst all of my euphoria and happiness to find someone so attentive I wonder if he can make good choices, if he means what he says, and if he is truly done with drugs. Also I just wonder if he really knows what love is and he can be a little over the top. I really really like him though. As a person. I want to love him but I question his past, his judgment, whether he is stable, and if he knows how to pace a healthy relationship. He is a tad rough around the edges but he has tremendous love for animals and people. I just think he comes on too strong sometimes and my worries are making me want to run. I am not perfect and don't want to be up on a pedestal. He makes me feel very good and I do the same for him. He is kind and he is open, always saying I can come to him with anything, he would never hurt me, always wants me to feel safe and comfortable. I just don't know what to think but I'm not sure if I should just slow down or what. I was kind of shocked when I started becoming anxious even though things are going well. I'm overwhelmed with how much he feels for me already and his past. Sometimes I need a little space, he just wants to be with me a lot. It's like I panicked and went from ecstatic to oh no what if this is all wrong? What if he's unstable like her? What if he's still involved in that life? Does he really love me or is it infatuation? Is it wrong that I don't love him yet? Is it wrong for me to question? Does that mean I break up with him? But then I don't want to. I do think it's wrong to judge. I've dated people I shouldn't have before. So hopefully this is a growing pain and something I need to find out more about before I assume.
Less than a year ago I looked up my very first boyfriend. He and I were "dating" in 7th grade. Needless to say we were scared and awkward. In response to my request of friendship I got an angry message from his girlfriend asking if I knew him. I never answered and considered that my que to step away. We are both 23.
About 8 months later (a few weeks ago) he actually found me and knew nothing about me looking him up as she deleted it before he could find it and had his passwords. They broke up a few months ago after 4 years. She has 3 kids and obviously is unstable. She policed his facebook activity, hit him, had numerous facial piercings, a facial tattoo, rainbow hair, and was a stripper. She looks strung out in her pictures. It was scary to be messaged by her. She was 24 when she met him and he was 19. He says after a month things were downhill and he got sucked in. He was playing dad to her kids and paying her bills.
Now he is ready to move on, lives back at home with his parents while he gets back on his feet, etc. He left her everything for her kids. He has a huge heart and was always kind even when we were kids. We ended up splitting apart after he went to a different high school. I had a feeling he was doing bad things. He became a pot dealer at 16 and was drunk a lot, did shrooms, acid, etc. He chose to go to a military academy to straighten up and says he got involved in sports and academics. But then he got involved with her. Lol which I guess was tough when you are young and you want a relationship badly. He was always quiet and hasnt dated a lot. He says he just thought being miserable was toughing it out for a relationship.
He says she had surgery and started taking pills for pain but started abusing them. I asked if he ever took them and he said no. He seems to know about all the sketchy things in the area though and that scares me. He has been helping his parents fix the car he borrows from them and he doesn't have a lot of money to pay for us to go out so I have paid for a lot of our dates. Which is okay because I know he is saving for a car and left his car for his ex to have for her children.
He says he loves me already. We've been dating 3 weeks. I am not there yet but he is head over heels for me and he is so attentive, giving, and thoughtful. I just wonder how he knows that so quickly, I don't work that way. He calls me frequently and comments on my facebook posts and says I am such a perfect person. I am not but I think he is just infatuated. He says maybe that is true but I am so kind to him, he is very attracted to me, thinks I'm smart, and he wants to go back to school because he is with me. He loves that I am baggage free and don't have tattoos piercings and kids. I am just worried he is still involved with drugs. I don't think his parents would have let him come home if he was but still. If he was done with that why did he date someone so obviously unstable? It makes me weary. I tried to ignore the feeling but suddenly amidst all of my euphoria and happiness to find someone so attentive I wonder if he can make good choices, if he means what he says, and if he is truly done with drugs. Also I just wonder if he really knows what love is and he can be a little over the top. I really really like him though. As a person. I want to love him but I question his past, his judgment, whether he is stable, and if he knows how to pace a healthy relationship. He is a tad rough around the edges but he has tremendous love for animals and people. I just think he comes on too strong sometimes and my worries are making me want to run. I am not perfect and don't want to be up on a pedestal. He makes me feel very good and I do the same for him. He is kind and he is open, always saying I can come to him with anything, he would never hurt me, always wants me to feel safe and comfortable. I just don't know what to think but I'm not sure if I should just slow down or what. I was kind of shocked when I started becoming anxious even though things are going well. I'm overwhelmed with how much he feels for me already and his past. Sometimes I need a little space, he just wants to be with me a lot. It's like I panicked and went from ecstatic to oh no what if this is all wrong? What if he's unstable like her? What if he's still involved in that life? Does he really love me or is it infatuation? Is it wrong that I don't love him yet? Is it wrong for me to question? Does that mean I break up with him? But then I don't want to. I do think it's wrong to judge. I've dated people I shouldn't have before. So hopefully this is a growing pain and something I need to find out more about before I assume.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, sorry, but this reads more like kind of a venting/processing thing than a clear answerable question that'll work for Ask. -- cortex
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