He Says I'm A Tease, Is This About Control?
March 26, 2015 12:38 PM Subscribe
A guy asked me on a date, I said yes. We subsequently went on 4 more dates. He's wined and dined me, has been sweet, and has been texting me every day and calling about every other night. We've kissed and I've touched him. But apparently I've been teasing him and now he's aggravated. Details inside
I met a guy about a month ago. When we met it wasn't for a date, but we were both attracted to each other. He turned grabbing a coffee for a platonic discussion into having dinner. Afterward, we kept in touch and he asked me on a date, and we've been seeing each other regularly since. He's in touch every day and calls often, sharing his day with me, etc. He's behaving like a gentleman and I'm pleased so far. We kissed on our second date, and made out on the third. When we are making out, he lets me paw him up, but when he tries to do the same, I stop him from touching me. The last time I saw him, I touched him 'there' and wouldn't let him return the gesture (ha). He's now told me that he's getting a little irritated with the way things go when we kiss/touch, and that I'm a big tease. My boundaries are that I don't want to have sex (oral included) unless I'm in a committed relationship. I'm fine with kissing and touching and enjoy it, and would have let him touch me soon, but now I feel like I should freeze him out since he's expressing his frustration about this- (albeit in a calm, standing-up-for-himself kind of way which I respect). I'm afraid I've flirted too heavily/come on too strong sexually in texts and he's now in a lustful headspace. I will admit to being very flirty, but I made it very clear that I wanted to take things slow. From his perspective, it sounds like I've given him all the sexy-time signals but when it comes time to engage in such actives I put on the breaks, and that's just disappointing for him. I don't want to be unfair, but I also (perhaps childishly) feel that a man should restrain himself and remain patient when it comes to the sexual progression of a courtship. I'm not sure how to reply to his complaint. I want to be fair but I also don't want to continue seeing him if he's just all horny now and no heart. I think this may be about control- my need to control the situation and it's created an awkward double-standard. I think maybe things aren't progressing comfortably/naturally because of my need to control the situation. And that's probably pretty unattractive. I'm not sure how to fix it. What have your experiences been with this sort of thing?
I met a guy about a month ago. When we met it wasn't for a date, but we were both attracted to each other. He turned grabbing a coffee for a platonic discussion into having dinner. Afterward, we kept in touch and he asked me on a date, and we've been seeing each other regularly since. He's in touch every day and calls often, sharing his day with me, etc. He's behaving like a gentleman and I'm pleased so far. We kissed on our second date, and made out on the third. When we are making out, he lets me paw him up, but when he tries to do the same, I stop him from touching me. The last time I saw him, I touched him 'there' and wouldn't let him return the gesture (ha). He's now told me that he's getting a little irritated with the way things go when we kiss/touch, and that I'm a big tease. My boundaries are that I don't want to have sex (oral included) unless I'm in a committed relationship. I'm fine with kissing and touching and enjoy it, and would have let him touch me soon, but now I feel like I should freeze him out since he's expressing his frustration about this- (albeit in a calm, standing-up-for-himself kind of way which I respect). I'm afraid I've flirted too heavily/come on too strong sexually in texts and he's now in a lustful headspace. I will admit to being very flirty, but I made it very clear that I wanted to take things slow. From his perspective, it sounds like I've given him all the sexy-time signals but when it comes time to engage in such actives I put on the breaks, and that's just disappointing for him. I don't want to be unfair, but I also (perhaps childishly) feel that a man should restrain himself and remain patient when it comes to the sexual progression of a courtship. I'm not sure how to reply to his complaint. I want to be fair but I also don't want to continue seeing him if he's just all horny now and no heart. I think this may be about control- my need to control the situation and it's created an awkward double-standard. I think maybe things aren't progressing comfortably/naturally because of my need to control the situation. And that's probably pretty unattractive. I'm not sure how to fix it. What have your experiences been with this sort of thing?
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