My head is not a pillow...

March 9, 2015 6:06 PM

How do I get more (ie less disrupted) sleep without kicking my two year old out of our "family bed"?

First off, I am not asking about strategies for getting him out of our bed, not because we aren't open to it, but because there's already a million bajillion threads/books/websites on that. I feel like the options for that are well covered.

But there seems to be a gap in questions about how to happily cosleep, and I want to see if I'm missing any brilliant ideas about how to improve a situation that has worked really well for us in the past and is almost still working.

My specific issue is toddler burrowing. He seems to want to crawl up onto my pillow, half on my head, scrunched into the headboard. This is usually just the second half of the night.

posted by pennypiper to Human Relations (16 answers total)

Get a third pillow and when he pushes into his wacky position, leave him on that pillow and use the spare one. Or is he gravitating to your head no matter where you move?
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:10 PM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Does he sleep in the middle? Maybe have him sleep on the outside and see if that makes a difference.
posted by orrnyereg at 6:17 PM on March 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

Similar to JZ's suggestion, I keep an extra pillow around to place between myself and the kid, so if they want to kick, cuddle aggressively, or do other things in the night I have some protection.
posted by alms at 6:18 PM on March 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

I've had decent luck with flipping around and laying with my feet where my head used to be. Plus the protective pillow already mentioned.
posted by tchemgrrl at 6:24 PM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

my brother had good results with getting a kid's bed/crib attached to the side of their bed that had railings around the 3 sides that weren't attached, and was level with their bed. That way you're still in the same bed, but everyone gets a little more room, and the little dude gets his own headboard to burrow into.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:33 PM on March 9, 2015 [5 favorites]

I have a friend who cosleeps with four children. They don't use a bed and just have some mattresses on the floor. It lets people spread out and move around more freely without getting scrunched into uncomfortable positions.

If you're not up for ditching the bed, consider a king if you don't have one already. You can also mount a rail on one side and put the kid on that side with his own pillows. Hopefully he would just burrow into the rail and stay out of your head space.
posted by annekate at 6:43 PM on March 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

We added a nightlight on the kid's side of the bed to help orient him to the space, in case he couldn't tell which way was "up" in the dark. (Plus he is in his own bed that's pushed against the adult bed, with a rail on the open side.)
posted by xo at 6:47 PM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

We co-slept with our daughters in a queen-size bed until they got older, so I feel your pain. It was so much work to get them to sleep I’m the first place, that I didn’t want to do anything that would risk waking them.

While my particular tiny humans struggled to fall asleep, I discovered that once asleep they could be moved with impunity. If my daughter burrowed (or more commonly kicked me in the face), I’d physically move her into the "right" place.

It didn’t work all the time, and your kid isn't my kid, but I wouldn’t fear giving it a shot if you haven't.
posted by mrbeefy at 6:57 PM on March 9, 2015

Best answer: My specific issue is toddler burrowing. He seems to want to crawl up onto my pillow, half on my head, scrunched into the headboard. This is usually just the second half of the night.

Is he maybe getting too warm (or too cold) some time during the night? Maybe you can address that aspect of it and see if that makes any difference.
posted by Michele in California at 7:06 PM on March 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Kids get squirmy when they have to pee (even when asleep!). If kiddo is potty trained (or even when not...) try have him/her go potty right before bedtime. At that age I would pick up my daughter and sit her on the toilet to pee when I went to bed around 10:30...a bit of a hassle but she wouldn't really wake up and sleep better during the rest of the night.
posted by The Toad at 8:39 PM on March 9, 2015

I wonder if you could try sharing a body pillow with your little one, one of you on each side?

My daughter turned round and round in the bed all night - either her head or her feet were banging into my stomach all the time. I tried sleeping sideways on the bed, trying to get parallel to her, but that didn't work, either. Putting a pillow in front of my abdomen helped for a little while, but she'd find her way around it. If they'd had body pillows then, I might have tried one.

Years later I slept with five cats in my bed - that was easier than one toddler.

Take heart - it won't be too many years before your little one will be a big one who wouldn't be caught dead in his Mom's bed; small comfort now, though.
posted by aryma at 10:18 PM on March 9, 2015

I had to learn to sleep on my back when I'd always slept on my left side. Putting an arm under and around so that he had his head on my shoulder prevented the little toes in my nose thing at 2 am. He slept through the night and woke up agreeable and happy.

This is over when he starts masturbating. For now, it works.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 3:57 AM on March 10, 2015

Try re-positioning your bed. My son always ended up with his head facing north, no matter what direction the bed was in. If your bed isn't big enough to buffer toddler with pillows, make a sleep bag. Sew sheets together and cocoon him in.
posted by myselfasme at 5:59 AM on March 10, 2015

Best answer: I roll onto my side with my back pressed against Nanopanda. That way she can press up against and/or touch me but it's not as annoying. Sometimes it seems like she wants to touch skin, and then I pull the back of my shirt up so she can put her hands on my back.

But ultimately, your head is a pillow.
posted by telepanda at 6:47 AM on March 10, 2015

Best answer: Assuming that he has no otherwise mobility issues and he's on track for kids his age (I would NOT suggest any of these if he were younger or behind the curve physically).

Seconding warmth issues. Happened to me at the toddler stage, too.

I'd also wear a shirt to bed a couple of nights, using it as his pillow case a couple of nights, then washing. Keep a cycle going where you wear shirt two while #1 is a pillow cover, & a third to move into rotation. Mommy smell ftw.

Additionally, cut a BIG pool noodle into two short big noodles & maybe put between (under the sheet) you two (or three) as a buffer barrier.
posted by Buttons Bellbottom at 12:02 PM on March 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: You all are great! Thanks for ALL the answers, I marked the ones that we hadn't tried yet and might apply to our little mole, but they are all great :)

Last night, for the first time, he said (after crawling on my head) "cover up", so I think temp is definitely a factor. He still crawled up on my head so we'll be trying some of the other strategies as well.
Thanks!
posted by pennypiper at 12:47 PM on March 10, 2015 [1 favorite]