I don't know what to do about my life
February 22, 2015 3:36 PM Subscribe
Currently feeling sad and hopeless about my life. 22 live at home and no friends. I need advice?
1. I have no idea what I want to do career wise. Currently I work as a coffee shop barista/cook. I've been there for 1.5 years. Before that I worked at a fast food type place for 5 years. I make close to 12$/hr with tips. I completed my associates degree in general transfer studies last year at community college fully paid with an A+ scholarship. But not I don't know what to do. Transfer and get a degree and get loans? Will I have to live at home then? Or try to get another job where I can work my way up or something? My grades at community college weren't very good, so I probably wouldn't get a scholarship or anything.
2. I hate living at home. I live with my dad and his girlfriend of 18 years. They both annoy me. My dad was very distant and angry as a child. Always working around the house and we were never close. Now he's nicer but just annoying. He acts like a child and has my stepmom wait on him hand and foot. He's can be really goofy and embarrassing. For example a couple months ago we had a family gathering. My sister was taking family pictures and he was being goofy and insisted he bring a pitchfork into the portrait, and got out a gun and acted like he was shooting our cat, and was pretending to eat our garden flowers for a picture as a joke. All he does is work on the house occasionally and watch the 24 hr news and the first 48 mirder shows all day and I hate being around the negativity. My stepmom is a trashy hillbilly and complains all day and tries to act like some tough women and it bugs the crap out of me. I know Im horrible for saying all of this because they support me in living here and are my family, but I just need to get away. I try talking to them but I never know how To make conversation. I don't like their lifestyle of watching negative tv and complaining all day and cussing and smoking cigarettes and drinking pots and pots of coffee all day. Please put me in my place if I'm being horrible about my relationship with them but that's what I think. My stepsisters who are 19 and 22 have fine relationships with them. Both of them already have kids and are a lot different from me.
3. I don't really have friends anymore. I had friends in high school until when I was 16 and got a boufriend and stopped hanging out with them. I was lost for awhile. I dated my ex for five years and was left with little support network. I learned my lesson. I've tried hanging out with them again and it's alright but I just find it hard to talk with them or something, they're bogtime stoners now and idk... They're super close and haveore shared history and I don't know if they're the ideal influence for me. I feel like I sometimes don't relate that well to people my age because I don't know a ton of stuff about music or tv or movies or random stuff that other people do.
4. I need to talk to my sister more. My sister is 32 years old. Maybe I should ask her to hangout sometime? It's just that I work almost every weekend when she'd be free. Idk. I don't know how to be a sister or a daughter or friend.
5. I haven't talked to my mom in over a year. I don't even remember the exact reason why. Basically I didn't grow up living with my mom, my parents were divorced before I was born. My mom grew up really poor and with a very dysfunctional family and only went to school until the 5th grade. She is very emotionally immature. Shes manipulative and holds grudges. She is schizophrenic and I don't know how to handle it. Last I heard from her, she had left something in our mailbox for my sister and called my dad to tell him and he said it wasn't there, and she left my dad and sister forty voicemails each telling them that my dad stole the gift and basically cussing them out telling them that they ruined her life. She does that regularly, I can't remember the last outburst with me but I just don't want to deal with her, and I feel really bad because she's probably really lonely.
6. I have a boyfriend of 4.5 months. He's awesome, and we get along really well. I just keep having insecurities about myself and keep worrying that Im too boring for him. Idk. I don't really think I am but I just get nervous before we hang out and sometimes am quiet around him because I'm nervous and say stupid things. He is super close to his family and has a lot of friends (he thinks he doesn't but he does) and always has something new to show me and talk about when we're together. I am always thinking about our relationship and I don't want to be because I'm trying too not be so invested in it. Idk.
7. I don't know what to do with myself. My job has become kinda annoying because I feel like I've learned almost everything I could learn from the job. And customers get annoying. I make decent money though for what I do I feel like. I just go to work and come home and feel lonely. I've tried to pick up hobbies. I bought a sketchbook and a book on how to draw. I also bought some painting stuff and tried that. I feel like my parents might think I'm weird though for trying painting and drawing even though I've never done it before. Maybe that fear is irrational. I've been reading a random fiction book I picked up at the book store. I work out sometimes and try to eat healthy. I just hate living at home and feel so stuck and lost in life. I feel like I can't grow as a persona anymore just living here. I feel better when with my boyfriend but I don't want to be depending on him for that. I feel so uncertain of myself all the time. Sometimes I don't feel so negative but I find it hard to sustain that self. I just need some perspective on my problems. They're weighing me down. I need a new simpler way to look at things. I feel like I don't have any opinions.
What do I want out of life? Probably the same things as everyone else. Health, friendship, happiness, hobbies, fulfilling job and relationships. Don't feel like I can get there sometimes though. Advice?
1. I have no idea what I want to do career wise. Currently I work as a coffee shop barista/cook. I've been there for 1.5 years. Before that I worked at a fast food type place for 5 years. I make close to 12$/hr with tips. I completed my associates degree in general transfer studies last year at community college fully paid with an A+ scholarship. But not I don't know what to do. Transfer and get a degree and get loans? Will I have to live at home then? Or try to get another job where I can work my way up or something? My grades at community college weren't very good, so I probably wouldn't get a scholarship or anything.
2. I hate living at home. I live with my dad and his girlfriend of 18 years. They both annoy me. My dad was very distant and angry as a child. Always working around the house and we were never close. Now he's nicer but just annoying. He acts like a child and has my stepmom wait on him hand and foot. He's can be really goofy and embarrassing. For example a couple months ago we had a family gathering. My sister was taking family pictures and he was being goofy and insisted he bring a pitchfork into the portrait, and got out a gun and acted like he was shooting our cat, and was pretending to eat our garden flowers for a picture as a joke. All he does is work on the house occasionally and watch the 24 hr news and the first 48 mirder shows all day and I hate being around the negativity. My stepmom is a trashy hillbilly and complains all day and tries to act like some tough women and it bugs the crap out of me. I know Im horrible for saying all of this because they support me in living here and are my family, but I just need to get away. I try talking to them but I never know how To make conversation. I don't like their lifestyle of watching negative tv and complaining all day and cussing and smoking cigarettes and drinking pots and pots of coffee all day. Please put me in my place if I'm being horrible about my relationship with them but that's what I think. My stepsisters who are 19 and 22 have fine relationships with them. Both of them already have kids and are a lot different from me.
3. I don't really have friends anymore. I had friends in high school until when I was 16 and got a boufriend and stopped hanging out with them. I was lost for awhile. I dated my ex for five years and was left with little support network. I learned my lesson. I've tried hanging out with them again and it's alright but I just find it hard to talk with them or something, they're bogtime stoners now and idk... They're super close and haveore shared history and I don't know if they're the ideal influence for me. I feel like I sometimes don't relate that well to people my age because I don't know a ton of stuff about music or tv or movies or random stuff that other people do.
4. I need to talk to my sister more. My sister is 32 years old. Maybe I should ask her to hangout sometime? It's just that I work almost every weekend when she'd be free. Idk. I don't know how to be a sister or a daughter or friend.
5. I haven't talked to my mom in over a year. I don't even remember the exact reason why. Basically I didn't grow up living with my mom, my parents were divorced before I was born. My mom grew up really poor and with a very dysfunctional family and only went to school until the 5th grade. She is very emotionally immature. Shes manipulative and holds grudges. She is schizophrenic and I don't know how to handle it. Last I heard from her, she had left something in our mailbox for my sister and called my dad to tell him and he said it wasn't there, and she left my dad and sister forty voicemails each telling them that my dad stole the gift and basically cussing them out telling them that they ruined her life. She does that regularly, I can't remember the last outburst with me but I just don't want to deal with her, and I feel really bad because she's probably really lonely.
6. I have a boyfriend of 4.5 months. He's awesome, and we get along really well. I just keep having insecurities about myself and keep worrying that Im too boring for him. Idk. I don't really think I am but I just get nervous before we hang out and sometimes am quiet around him because I'm nervous and say stupid things. He is super close to his family and has a lot of friends (he thinks he doesn't but he does) and always has something new to show me and talk about when we're together. I am always thinking about our relationship and I don't want to be because I'm trying too not be so invested in it. Idk.
7. I don't know what to do with myself. My job has become kinda annoying because I feel like I've learned almost everything I could learn from the job. And customers get annoying. I make decent money though for what I do I feel like. I just go to work and come home and feel lonely. I've tried to pick up hobbies. I bought a sketchbook and a book on how to draw. I also bought some painting stuff and tried that. I feel like my parents might think I'm weird though for trying painting and drawing even though I've never done it before. Maybe that fear is irrational. I've been reading a random fiction book I picked up at the book store. I work out sometimes and try to eat healthy. I just hate living at home and feel so stuck and lost in life. I feel like I can't grow as a persona anymore just living here. I feel better when with my boyfriend but I don't want to be depending on him for that. I feel so uncertain of myself all the time. Sometimes I don't feel so negative but I find it hard to sustain that self. I just need some perspective on my problems. They're weighing me down. I need a new simpler way to look at things. I feel like I don't have any opinions.
What do I want out of life? Probably the same things as everyone else. Health, friendship, happiness, hobbies, fulfilling job and relationships. Don't feel like I can get there sometimes though. Advice?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Heya, I'm sorry stuff is rough but you've asked similar very-broad questions along the same lines as this several times now and we need you to focus on more focused and specific questions going forward. -- cortex
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