Transference Hell - Revisited/Conclusion
November 12, 2014 11:54 AM Subscribe
To all of you who commented on my original post, thank you. Many of your responses were insightful and compassionate and showed a thoughtfulness that I was touched by.
Some may be curious how it ended (a month later or so after my original post); of course it ended, it was inevitable...
I had forgotten to add in my original post that I had asked him if I could be his "little girl" one session (my feelings were a witches brew of childlike love/adoration, raw sexuality, and goodness knows what else). He smiled slightly and said "yes." If this is therapy, get me out of here.
So, we "repaired the rupture"--stuck a band-aid on a large gaping bleeding wound shortly after my post and I continued to be his patient. Until...
During one session, I blurted out, in response to something funny he had said "Oh my God, I'm in love with you." It's funny because I was feeling affectionate and tender in a non-sexual way towards him. He immediately responded, again angrily, with the following (almost verbatim). I should add too that it is also interesting is that it was the first time I had uttered the words "love".
The good Doctor's response: "It's very interesting and conspicuous that you fail to mention another person when you tell me you "love" me...my wife. I am in love with my wife, period."
My response shall not be posted here. After that fatal session I finally got the gumption to consult with a brilliant psychoanalytically oriented shrink whom I continue to see when needed.
Lesson to anyone who is contemplating therapy: ask re how the therapist looks at transference/counter transference. CBT therapists typically don't engage well with it but mine was insight-oriented so I assumed I was in good hands when I started having "feelings."
My case was severely mishandled and it need not have been; he was a good therapist otherwise and I still miss him. The power dynamics in these situations are heady indeed and if you find yourself drowning, don't necessarily believe that an experienced therapist will save you from your own feelings.
As my old therapist said, while rejecting my "loving" feelings towards him: It could have been worse (i.e. sex).
Some may be curious how it ended (a month later or so after my original post); of course it ended, it was inevitable...
I had forgotten to add in my original post that I had asked him if I could be his "little girl" one session (my feelings were a witches brew of childlike love/adoration, raw sexuality, and goodness knows what else). He smiled slightly and said "yes." If this is therapy, get me out of here.
So, we "repaired the rupture"--stuck a band-aid on a large gaping bleeding wound shortly after my post and I continued to be his patient. Until...
During one session, I blurted out, in response to something funny he had said "Oh my God, I'm in love with you." It's funny because I was feeling affectionate and tender in a non-sexual way towards him. He immediately responded, again angrily, with the following (almost verbatim). I should add too that it is also interesting is that it was the first time I had uttered the words "love".
The good Doctor's response: "It's very interesting and conspicuous that you fail to mention another person when you tell me you "love" me...my wife. I am in love with my wife, period."
My response shall not be posted here. After that fatal session I finally got the gumption to consult with a brilliant psychoanalytically oriented shrink whom I continue to see when needed.
Lesson to anyone who is contemplating therapy: ask re how the therapist looks at transference/counter transference. CBT therapists typically don't engage well with it but mine was insight-oriented so I assumed I was in good hands when I started having "feelings."
My case was severely mishandled and it need not have been; he was a good therapist otherwise and I still miss him. The power dynamics in these situations are heady indeed and if you find yourself drowning, don't necessarily believe that an experienced therapist will save you from your own feelings.
As my old therapist said, while rejecting my "loving" feelings towards him: It could have been worse (i.e. sex).
This post was deleted for the following reason: hey, this isn't really how Ask MeFi works, we don't do followups this way. Please post to your original question. -- mathowie
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