Boyfriend stops fooling around abruptly - goes to "shower" (masturbate)
June 23, 2014 3:23 PM Subscribe
This morning when my boyfriend woke up, he almost immediately started trying to fool around with me. But then after making successful efforts to turn me on, he suddenly stopped and went to masturbate in the shower instead. What do you guys think about this? More info below.
So I have been dating a guy for almost 6 months now. Yesterday afternoon/evening we had a fight and he was quite cruel, but later apologized profusely and felt really bad all night, but was sweet and apologetic. I forgave him, but the things he said really stung, and my feelings were still a little hurt this morning, so I knew it would take me a bit longer to be gung-ho ready for sex (I usually require very little-to-no foreplay, and love having sex first thing when I wake up). So we are fooling around to get (me) in the mood, and all of a sudden, he rolls over, and says, whelp, I'm going to shower now. After doing things that got me into a very hot-and-bother state. And I'm like... wait, why now? And he was like, well I just, I'm tired, I want a shower. Which baffled me. Later on, he doesn't seem interested in me at all, just sitting on his phone and asking me to drive him home. A little before he had a to leave, I just directly ask him, so... do you want to have sex before you go home? And he was like... no, I can't. And I asked him why not, and he said because he masturbated when he went to the shower. I know this means he watched porn on his phone with the shower running as a cover-up (he also showered after), because he took it with him, and he's told me before "needs something to look at." I asked him why he did that, right in the middle of fooling around, and he said "I didn't know how long it would take you to get ready, and I was ready right then. And it's annoying to have a boner for very long." I asked him how long he thought it might be, and what was too long, and he said, I dunno, 10 minutes. It hurt my feelings because I was wanting sex, too, by that point and enjoying fooling around with him, and it really disappointed me that he would rather go to the bathroom and jerk off to porn instead of have sex with me, especially after the emotional blows from last night after which I was hoping to rekindle some feelings of intimacy. Do you men (and women) think it is normal to stop fooling around (sexually) abruptly to go jerk off to porn instead? Would your feelings be hurt by this if you were then also rejected sexually later on? Thank you.
So I have been dating a guy for almost 6 months now. Yesterday afternoon/evening we had a fight and he was quite cruel, but later apologized profusely and felt really bad all night, but was sweet and apologetic. I forgave him, but the things he said really stung, and my feelings were still a little hurt this morning, so I knew it would take me a bit longer to be gung-ho ready for sex (I usually require very little-to-no foreplay, and love having sex first thing when I wake up). So we are fooling around to get (me) in the mood, and all of a sudden, he rolls over, and says, whelp, I'm going to shower now. After doing things that got me into a very hot-and-bother state. And I'm like... wait, why now? And he was like, well I just, I'm tired, I want a shower. Which baffled me. Later on, he doesn't seem interested in me at all, just sitting on his phone and asking me to drive him home. A little before he had a to leave, I just directly ask him, so... do you want to have sex before you go home? And he was like... no, I can't. And I asked him why not, and he said because he masturbated when he went to the shower. I know this means he watched porn on his phone with the shower running as a cover-up (he also showered after), because he took it with him, and he's told me before "needs something to look at." I asked him why he did that, right in the middle of fooling around, and he said "I didn't know how long it would take you to get ready, and I was ready right then. And it's annoying to have a boner for very long." I asked him how long he thought it might be, and what was too long, and he said, I dunno, 10 minutes. It hurt my feelings because I was wanting sex, too, by that point and enjoying fooling around with him, and it really disappointed me that he would rather go to the bathroom and jerk off to porn instead of have sex with me, especially after the emotional blows from last night after which I was hoping to rekindle some feelings of intimacy. Do you men (and women) think it is normal to stop fooling around (sexually) abruptly to go jerk off to porn instead? Would your feelings be hurt by this if you were then also rejected sexually later on? Thank you.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry, as posed, this is pretty chatfiltery/amirite-ish. -- LobsterMitten
Best answer: Yes, my feelings would be hurt.
I've had someone do exactly what you describe to me multiple times. I dated a man who was horribly cruel and this was just one of the many ways that he would punish me: we'd get in a fight, he'd be really mean to me, he'd apologize profusely and be really sweet, and then I'd still be hurt and need time to get over it. He'd express sexual interest, I would feel like "well, I'm not in the mood, but I'll try to get into it," then I'd get in the mood, and wham! He'd get up and walk away and take care of himself elsewhere.
This is classic bullying behavior. He's cruel, you still feel bad, you start to warm up, and then justttt when you're feeling a bit better, you let down your guard, and they strike again like a cobra with another act of bullying cruelty.
Also, it does not really matter if my feelings would be hurt, or if anyone else on Metafilter would be hurt by this - how do you feel about it? I'm guessing that you feel hurt but that you also feel like maybe you don't have the right to feel hurt (after all, you did forgive him).
You have the right to feel your feelings. It is OK to feel hurt by this; it's not abnormal to feel hurt. You're not "overreacting" or "too sensitive" or whatever else this guy has led you to believe about your own feelings. Your feelings are real, they are absolutely OK, and you have every right to feel the way you feel about this.
What you do with your feelings is what matters. I suggest you take this information - the information that you are dating a bully - and do yourself the favor of walking away. No one needs a bully for a boyfriend. But you know what's best for you, just like you know how you feel, so do with this what you will.
Best of luck to you.
posted by sockermom at 3:32 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
I've had someone do exactly what you describe to me multiple times. I dated a man who was horribly cruel and this was just one of the many ways that he would punish me: we'd get in a fight, he'd be really mean to me, he'd apologize profusely and be really sweet, and then I'd still be hurt and need time to get over it. He'd express sexual interest, I would feel like "well, I'm not in the mood, but I'll try to get into it," then I'd get in the mood, and wham! He'd get up and walk away and take care of himself elsewhere.
This is classic bullying behavior. He's cruel, you still feel bad, you start to warm up, and then justttt when you're feeling a bit better, you let down your guard, and they strike again like a cobra with another act of bullying cruelty.
Also, it does not really matter if my feelings would be hurt, or if anyone else on Metafilter would be hurt by this - how do you feel about it? I'm guessing that you feel hurt but that you also feel like maybe you don't have the right to feel hurt (after all, you did forgive him).
You have the right to feel your feelings. It is OK to feel hurt by this; it's not abnormal to feel hurt. You're not "overreacting" or "too sensitive" or whatever else this guy has led you to believe about your own feelings. Your feelings are real, they are absolutely OK, and you have every right to feel the way you feel about this.
What you do with your feelings is what matters. I suggest you take this information - the information that you are dating a bully - and do yourself the favor of walking away. No one needs a bully for a boyfriend. But you know what's best for you, just like you know how you feel, so do with this what you will.
Best of luck to you.
posted by sockermom at 3:32 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 3:30 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]