How can a planner and an impulse-traveler make it work better?
April 22, 2014 8:10 AM Subscribe
I'm in a long-distance relationship: my S.O. is in California, I'm on the East Coast. We've been pretty lucky with getting to meet up regularly since his job often pays for him to come out here and I've had a number of opportunities to get out there. But I'm feeling a personality clash arising from his erratic scheduling. Question clusterbomb ahoy!
posted by psoas to Human Relations (18 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
We're both fairly independent, so it hasn't been too trying being apart. The conflict is more often about how we get together. Since he's a very
frequent flyer, he's gotten used to the perk of getting to change flights all the time with no penalty, which he does with abandon. (It's pretty rare for him to complete a trip without having rescheduled at least one of his flights, often at the last minute.) I love the time we spend together, but I also find it annoys me when we'll make plans and suddenly (a) he'll decide to show up a day early or stay two days longer at my place--I have a small apartment and he doesn't travel light, so when he comes to stay it feels very full in there--or (b) he'll suggest that instead of spending the weekend at his apartment in SF we should drive down to Monterey (requiring us to rent a car and book a hotel at the last minute) for a couple of days. In Myers-Briggs speak
, I'm a classic J and he's a total P.
So: We've had a couple of conversations about this, but it remains a reality that we're different in this way. How do I make peace with the fact that he's more spontaneous than I'm accustomed to being? Can I learn to roll with it better? Is it reasonable of me to get exasperated at the uncertainty? If you're similarly free-spirited, has someone been able to convincingly explain this disconnect to you? And finally, I'm planning to move back to CA later this year (I've been away for longer than I originally expected; this desire predates our relationship)... anything I should watch out for when we're living in the same place (possibly but not necessarily cohabitating)?