Describe going from "date" to "relationship"
April 9, 2014 5:01 PM Subscribe
I'm a guy in his thirties who has never been in a romantic relationship. I've been dating through OKCupid for a while, without too much success, and I think one of the reasons is that I just don't have a model of how you go from "first date" to "exclusive relationship involving emotional commitment". Hollywood love stories are no help, and I have no real-life experience, even at second hand, of how this tends to happen. I think it would help me to read some concrete descriptions of various paths this transition can take.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (14 answers total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
Ideally, what I feel would be most helpful is if I could read a bunch of fairly detailed real-world accounts of how this process can happen. Help me out, green! MeFites who've gone from casual dating to a relationship, what were the milestones that felt significant, and at what point did they take place? Alternatively, can you point me to any real-life descriptions/memoirs/interviews/etc. that might be helpful? I'm mostly interested in concrete, external accounts of events: less "I woke up one morning and knew that he was the one", and more "after X happened, I felt we weren't just casually dating anymore".
I don't want to describe my specific difficulties in too much detail because I don't want this to be an advice thread. What I'm having immediate trouble with is how to get beyond "here we are having drinks and chatting, this is nice but for all anyone knows we could just be two friends hanging out" to "oh, this is now definitely a romantic situation". But I think part of my difficulty is that I also don't have a model of the next steps beyond that (since the latter obviously doesn't equal "we're in a relationship", which is my goal). So I'm interested in all stages of the process and in all forms it can take. Obviously accounts whose starting point is online dating (or a similar date-with-a-near-stranger situation) would be most useful.