Books like The Game, except completely different in every way

March 11, 2014 9:20 PM

A male friend of mine has recently learned that he's not as good at dating women as he thought he was, and wants to get better. Where can I point him for sex and relationship advice, addressed to men, but written from a feminist perspective?

I'm looking for resources - books, blogs, magazine articles, whatever - that will help explain basic feminist concepts such as the sexual double standard, male privilege, why affirmative consent is important, and so on, and give practical advice for applying this in relationships

I read a lot of feminist blogs that cover these topics, but these are generally addressed at women, and are frequently somewhat snarky or suspicious when talking about men. For the purposes of this friend, something that assumes his good intentions will be much likelier to result in his changing his actions as opposed to getting defensive.

Resources from the BDSM or poly community that address boundaries, communication, consent, etc. might also be useful.

posted by psycheslamp to Human Relations (7 answers total)

So, it's still pretty new and not super popular yet, but the Let's Get Laid subreddit is basically exactly this.
posted by superlibby at 9:29 PM on March 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

Dr. Nerdlove
posted by brujita at 9:44 PM on March 11, 2014 [3 favorites]

I like the blog The Pervocracy and particularly this post: Rescripting Sex.
posted by needs more cowbell at 10:16 PM on March 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

If part of the relationship advice includes intentions to have a family (meaning two life partners with or without children) I recommend Justice, Gender, and the Family by Susan Moller Okin. It's neither specifically addressed to men or women.
posted by Blitz at 10:34 PM on March 11, 2014

(I'm not really sure how those topics, important though they are, are really going to help his confidence and success in the hookup scene ... but that's a discussion for another time.) A friend of mine found the book Lesbian Sex Secrets For Men helpful as he broke out of his romantic shell, and it is certainly feminist and heteronormativity-challenging, although its title makes it sound more titillating than it really is.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 10:58 PM on March 11, 2014

Not sure if this is exactly what you are looking for, but Sex Nerd Sandra does a fun podcast that is primarily focused on sex tips but with plenty of info along the way about relationships, communication, etc. It's sex-positive, feminist, and non-heteronormative. I don't know that it exactly "explains basic feminist concepts" as you mention in your question (although maybe it does; I haven't listened to every podcast), but those concepts are embedded in its whole approach. It's funny and irreverent without laying on the snark.
posted by tiger tiger at 1:11 AM on March 12, 2014 [1 favorite]

Here: Dating Tips for the Feminist Man. (This isn't entirely unproblematic but it's a good place to start)
posted by aparrish at 9:05 AM on March 12, 2014