I didn't mean to be a condescending bitch. Yikes....
February 24, 2014 3:20 PM Subscribe
After my grandma lost her shit with me last night, she's calmed down enough to admit to my father today that she feels like I can be really condescending sometimes. Eek. This is a piece that I want to work on improving, while I'm also learning to be much more on guard whenever I'm around my grandma. Can you help me be less of an annoyingly (unintentionally) condescending/smug person?
Ugh. The worst.
posted by ohyouknow to Human Relations (52 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Last night my 90 year old grandma, who can occasionally get super nutty and crazy mean (but hasn't, to me anyway, for over 10 years) suddenly launched into an enormously hurtful tirade about how I'm "wasting my life" (I have advanced degrees, own a company, and I have a kick ass daughter, but whatevs). She was vicious and relentless and I was in tears by the time my dad dropped her off at her facility.
Anyway, my dad has spent some time speaking with her today about where all that rage came from, and while yes it turns out she was angry about a lot of stuff that I have nothing to do with, she did mention that she feels like I can be really condescending with her sometimes. And the thing is, that rings true. It's especially true when I can see that she's in an angry festering mood and I'm just happy about life or when I'm multitasking with my 15 month old daughter running around. So I can see that there is definitely truth to that. And people who are condescending or smug make me want to slap them, and I really really do not want to behave that way ever again if possible.
I've started to put the hurtful stuff in perspective (she was essentially accusing me of being really lazy and not working enough, yet my business has been having a record breaking 2 months; however she's been lucky enough to never work a day in her life).
Anyway, underneath all of the messiness of this I do think she made a really valid point about my condescending nature (my little sister has complained about the same thing before) and I really do want to work on that. I think the crux of the problem I have is that in those moments I'm really (selfishly) focused on something I'm super happy about, so I have a harder time downshifting to match their moods when I need to connect with them and take care of them. Can you share any advice with me on how to a) notice that I need to reign it in, and b) hold onto my joy while downshifting to respect and meet the person's energy I need to take care of?
Thanks so much hivemind. My family thanks you in advance too. :)