How can I help my friend with depression?
February 16, 2014 2:34 PM Subscribe
Had some drinks last night and my roommate and close friend came out about how he is severely depressed and doesn't want to be alive. What should I do to help?
I have a roommate, let's call him Jack. We've known each other for 3 years, since we started college together. Since then, it's gradually become apparent that he has depression. He's a super sweet guy, and always the life of the party, so it's not obvious at all. He always jokes about how he loves depressing things.
Last night I was with Jack and my girlfriend Sydney. We had some drinks, and then hung out and talked. Jack felt comfortable talking to Syd, since they've both had some awful shit happen to them in the past, and he came out to us about how down he his all the time and how he often wants to stop being alive. There were a lot of things that (from reading on Mefi) sound like "the depression talking". All of it, really.
- he wants to be happy, but then feels fake when he's happy, or feels like he doesn't deserve to be happy
- he thinks he's an awful person and doesn't deserve to be sad because he has a good life
- he cuts himself and enjoys how it feels; also does it in somewhat visible places in the hope that someone will reach out
- all the joking about being depressed is also in the hope that someone will realize he needs help
- he knows that there are people who care for him, but doesn't believe it, doubts that they're really there for him
- he thinks he'll always be alone and that he'll die alone
- he's been to therapy, but doesn't trust a therapist enough to tell them anything... generally he's very self-sabotaging: he wants help and knows he needs it, but then doesn't think he deserves it
- he's been on depression meds (Prozac) but stopped because they just made him not feel anything
- he once asked for help from a friend and she reported him to the school.... all they did was have a doctor look at his cuts, and the idiot told him that they "weren't deep enough to be fatal", which only had the effect of making him hate himself more and not trust people who try to help him
- right now he's in a pretty bad place because he's lonely and the usual things that take his mind off being depressed (music) are not working. He's moved towards alcohol as self-help
I'm sure I'm forgetting some things. We listened to him for a long time, tried to convince him that we're on his side. He agreed to talk to us when he feels down, instead of hurting himself. Also tried to convince him that it's depression that's causing him to be so self-sabotaging.
What else should we do? I have no idea, and we're worried about him. I don’t want to take drastic action that results in a repeat situation with authorities involved and makes him feel worse and hurt himself more. Please, please help.
I have a roommate, let's call him Jack. We've known each other for 3 years, since we started college together. Since then, it's gradually become apparent that he has depression. He's a super sweet guy, and always the life of the party, so it's not obvious at all. He always jokes about how he loves depressing things.
Last night I was with Jack and my girlfriend Sydney. We had some drinks, and then hung out and talked. Jack felt comfortable talking to Syd, since they've both had some awful shit happen to them in the past, and he came out to us about how down he his all the time and how he often wants to stop being alive. There were a lot of things that (from reading on Mefi) sound like "the depression talking". All of it, really.
- he wants to be happy, but then feels fake when he's happy, or feels like he doesn't deserve to be happy
- he thinks he's an awful person and doesn't deserve to be sad because he has a good life
- he cuts himself and enjoys how it feels; also does it in somewhat visible places in the hope that someone will reach out
- all the joking about being depressed is also in the hope that someone will realize he needs help
- he knows that there are people who care for him, but doesn't believe it, doubts that they're really there for him
- he thinks he'll always be alone and that he'll die alone
- he's been to therapy, but doesn't trust a therapist enough to tell them anything... generally he's very self-sabotaging: he wants help and knows he needs it, but then doesn't think he deserves it
- he's been on depression meds (Prozac) but stopped because they just made him not feel anything
- he once asked for help from a friend and she reported him to the school.... all they did was have a doctor look at his cuts, and the idiot told him that they "weren't deep enough to be fatal", which only had the effect of making him hate himself more and not trust people who try to help him
- right now he's in a pretty bad place because he's lonely and the usual things that take his mind off being depressed (music) are not working. He's moved towards alcohol as self-help
I'm sure I'm forgetting some things. We listened to him for a long time, tried to convince him that we're on his side. He agreed to talk to us when he feels down, instead of hurting himself. Also tried to convince him that it's depression that's causing him to be so self-sabotaging.
What else should we do? I have no idea, and we're worried about him. I don’t want to take drastic action that results in a repeat situation with authorities involved and makes him feel worse and hurt himself more. Please, please help.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Hey, sorry you're in this rough situation, but questions about suicide aren't ones AskMe is equipped to handle. Check out this list of resources the community has put together. -- restless_nomad
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posted by thelonius at 2:46 PM on February 16, 2014