Time to move on? If so, how?
February 10, 2014 10:16 AM Subscribe
A major argument with my boyfriend put our > 5 year relationship on hold. Did I make the right decision to not get back together with him? I am trying to hold fast to my decision but I still love him.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (37 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend and I (both in our mid-20's) have been struggling because although we want to get married, there are several issues that have been hindering us from being completely open about our relationship and doing so. I periodically questioned our future because these things are such a long-standing issue. Furthermore, in a way, I felt I have been the support in our relationship and I was questioning if this would ever change.
Recently, I learned that one of my parent's may have cancer. I was an emotional wreck and I started thinking seriously about my life, my parents' life, and where my boyfriend and I were going. I messaged him saying I was unsure about whether we should be together. He immediately said that he didn't want to be with me and broke up with me over text.
After that, he apologized - albeit, in my mind, half-heartedly and without remorse. He seemed smug that I did not accept his apology, like I was to blame for this. In my mind, I did not break up with him over text I merely shared my concern, I was scared, I felt like I was losing the people I love. Furthermore, I did not hear anything from him afterwards - he did not care about how my family and I were doing except one text about taking care of the lawn. Anyway, I was literally taking care of myself for over one week and he did not do anything - no inquiry, no visit, nothing. I wondered, if he will be out of the picture when things get rough, what will he do when we're married? He just withdrew and ran away. He was detached, aloof. He has a tendency to do this when things get rough, but at other moments, he's ok and/or supportive.
At the time, I needed support…I needed something. I had nobody. He was my best friend and even if we broke up and I didn't want to be with him romantically, I felt at the very least that he should still call and ask how I'm doing. Even if we fought, I feel like he should've made the effort to let me know he was there because I would've done the same. And, you don't break up with someone you've known for so long over text. After I asked him about why he acted this way, he said that I probably wouldn't have reached out and that my parent was not 100% diagnosed with cancer. He also said that I made it clear I didn't want to be with him. I feel like his disregard broke our relationship.
I really couldn't believe all this. Do people think this way? My friends agree he was a selfish person and I believe he was, as well. I need some objectivity, however. Should I move on from this and if so, how do I? Honestly, he was my whole world and I still love him. Was I harsh in expecting him to be there for me after our argument? I don't think I was being unreasonable. If he's going to falter when it's his time to be strong for me, how can I rely on him in the future?