Followup to my previous question about my relationship with mygirl fried

January 27, 2014 7:30 PM

I am posting a follow-up question to the question I posted a month ago about my girl friend and whether my relationship worth continuing. I received more than 41 responses and I thank everyone for their contribution. Here are the summary and selected people responses: 1- We went to a party together I suspected my girl friend relationship with some dude at the party and asked her about it several times. My girl friend denied having any relationship with that dude aside from hanging out couple of times. It turned out that they were intimate in the past (I found this after snooping in my girl friend’s old text messages). --Summary of people’s response on Meta Filter: I should not have asked that question from my girl friend several times. I should not have snooped in my girl friend text messages. Because it was her past it was her business and I did not have any right to even ask about it. 2- 4 months into our relationship I figured that my ex was still using the dating site through which we knew each other. Apparently she was just logging in and checking the messages that were sent to her out of curiosity (I believe her on this one). --Some people here believe since I did not specifically ask her to close her account I did not have a right to get bothered by this. Again they said that I should not have checked her out. 3- After snooping on my girl friends phone I found sexual pictures of her and her ex (not the guy in first paragraph). This really hurt me bad. My girl friend said that she did not know that a copy of pictures is saved in her photo stream. -- Some people here believe that since she and her ex were in a relationship anyways I should not get hurt because that was what happened between them anyways and I just happen to see a picture of that. Most people seem to recommend me to break up saying we are not right for each other. I did not break up with my girl friend. I thought maybe people here were right and things that I did where wrong. Here is an update of what happened next. For 2 months I did not snoop on her and tried to forget about past. After seeing those graphic pics of her and her ex I needed a break for a week (I felt disgusted). Apparently during that break my girl friend felt the need to talk to someone. Unfortunately the person she picked was her exes best friend. I objected her that I did not really wanted her ex to know I saw those pics but she said she really didn’t care and that person was not going to tell her ex anyways. Needless to say couple of days later her ex messaged her inviting her and me to her home which I politely denied. Yesterday, my girl friend was trying to show a video to me on her FB account on her ipad. While doing so I saw a notification that she has a message from her ex. She did not say anything about it thinking that I did not see it. However I told her that I saw she had a message and if she felt comfortable I need to know what it was about. At this point she started complaining about her ex sending messages on FB which did not mean anything to her. She wanted to make sure that this does not influence our relationship. At the end she asked me how to deal with him. I told her that I did not know and I did not really care. Honestly I did not care how she handled her ex. Today I thought to myself about why I did not care anymore and I concluded that’s because I did not like her as much as I used to (I got really tired of so many complicated things happening in our relationship). I expected her to handle her ex long time ago. I have ex girl friends too but when they message me I never answer. That is why after second message they never message me again. I feel said that I might have to let this girl go. The reason for why I have to let her go is not because I suspect she will cheat on me or anything like that. The reason is that I feel she cannot handle herself very well. She does not use tact in social situations. For example I believe people who do not know how iphone works should not be taking nude pictures of themselves and then claiming they did not know how to delete them. I am posting this because I thought I owed letting people here know what happened after I posted initial question. Still I appreciate if you let me know about your opinion. It seems to me that unless you are completely honest with your partner you cannot fall in love. Also this notion of past is the past does not really hold in many relationships my own relationship included. This was my girl friends past and lack of her transparency that almost destroyed our relationship. I believe you should be with someone that if he knows the worst thing that happened in your past, he still loves you and want to be with you. Do not count on the fact that the past will not come up into your new relationship. Why even risk going in a relationship with someone who you think might not approve your past? What is the need for secrecy and not revealing the past? If you feel that something that you do today is not right and will hurt your potential partner why even do it and have to lie about it later?
posted by mbn1455 to Human Relations (1 answer total)

What?
posted by saeculorum at 7:33 PM on January 27, 2014 [5 favorites]