What Happens When You Lose
May 19, 2013 1:56 PM Subscribe
The judgment on my divorce is in. It took three years to happen, and I lost the house. My Ex lied to me, lied in court, and had a shark of an attorney, who lied to me, too. The judgment basically reiterates my Ex's attorney's position verbatim, but with several errors (e.g. naming a property that is not ours; confusing the terms plaintiff and defendant[!]; mixing up/omitting key health facts), and what appears to me feeble logic. Wall of text follows.
There are worries that the judgment might have been influenced by Ex's personal connections. And, certainly, the case took so long to decide, even if it was all on the up and up, little would have been remembered of the actual courtroom case by the judge.
My attorney was individually smarter, but in the end not tactically smarter. Nor did she prepare me for the testimony. Mostly I wept throughout, utterly overwhelmed at aggressive, unending questioning about nearly every decision I've ever made, all to provoke self-incriminating answers, of course.
Both my attorney and one my Ex and I shared briefly said I was eligible to be bought out. The figure my Ex had been offering to me was offered two or three times (same number) over several years leading to the trial. It was so low my Ex's attorney was visibly embarrassed telling it to the judge. Now, of course, I second-guess whether I should have taken it.
The money is an issue because I've plunged into poverty since the break up, the recession, and the demise of my industry, and only in the last few weeks have had any hope (still unproven) of digging myself out due to self-retraining in an industry I'm becoming decreasingly excited about.
The odds of my owning again are exceedingly low. My Ex's betrayal was so vast I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again. And it came as part of a group of betrayals sufficiently all-encompassing, I went into therapy to source them. (I'm now learning about boundaries.)
I imagine all "our" friends who disappeared as soon as he split (I was the last to know), and the group enjoyment of my Ex's victory. I am jealous of my Ex's higher ed since the break-up, professional success, remarriage, and now the fact that Ex gets the house, as well. I feel like a loser. Thoroughly humiliated. And with so much baggage no one will ever want me. I am broken-hearted and disillusioned. I feel like damaged goods. And stupid, oh so stupid. Like every decision I make goes bad. And like I was enormously outwitted. I'm not even sure I can trust myself now. And I am angry, too, and there is no place to put it.
I am in therapy. And I had attempted to imagine a losing outcome in the past to prepare. And, yes, though I knew it was illogical throughout, I was looking to a settlement in my favor for vindication. I dearly wanted vindication, some proof that I was not who my Ex said I was, once it became convenient for him to say so. And instead what my Ex says has been vindicated. I keep wanting to write a letter to "our" friends telling my side of it; he certainly talked and talked. But I know my only motive is shaming them, and I know it will only make me look and feel bad. Nor is it logical. I liked those folks, but not enough to carry on a relationship with them individually.... Still they haunt me.
Because I lose. Tomorrow I speak to my attorney, but I think the only possible recourse would be appeal on a technicality, but I doubt my attorney would represent me in that. I already owe too much money. I'm also not even really sure if I want that, or if it's truly possible. I was not the one who initiated the suit.
Help me cope, and find some solace.
There are worries that the judgment might have been influenced by Ex's personal connections. And, certainly, the case took so long to decide, even if it was all on the up and up, little would have been remembered of the actual courtroom case by the judge.
My attorney was individually smarter, but in the end not tactically smarter. Nor did she prepare me for the testimony. Mostly I wept throughout, utterly overwhelmed at aggressive, unending questioning about nearly every decision I've ever made, all to provoke self-incriminating answers, of course.
Both my attorney and one my Ex and I shared briefly said I was eligible to be bought out. The figure my Ex had been offering to me was offered two or three times (same number) over several years leading to the trial. It was so low my Ex's attorney was visibly embarrassed telling it to the judge. Now, of course, I second-guess whether I should have taken it.
The money is an issue because I've plunged into poverty since the break up, the recession, and the demise of my industry, and only in the last few weeks have had any hope (still unproven) of digging myself out due to self-retraining in an industry I'm becoming decreasingly excited about.
The odds of my owning again are exceedingly low. My Ex's betrayal was so vast I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again. And it came as part of a group of betrayals sufficiently all-encompassing, I went into therapy to source them. (I'm now learning about boundaries.)
I imagine all "our" friends who disappeared as soon as he split (I was the last to know), and the group enjoyment of my Ex's victory. I am jealous of my Ex's higher ed since the break-up, professional success, remarriage, and now the fact that Ex gets the house, as well. I feel like a loser. Thoroughly humiliated. And with so much baggage no one will ever want me. I am broken-hearted and disillusioned. I feel like damaged goods. And stupid, oh so stupid. Like every decision I make goes bad. And like I was enormously outwitted. I'm not even sure I can trust myself now. And I am angry, too, and there is no place to put it.
I am in therapy. And I had attempted to imagine a losing outcome in the past to prepare. And, yes, though I knew it was illogical throughout, I was looking to a settlement in my favor for vindication. I dearly wanted vindication, some proof that I was not who my Ex said I was, once it became convenient for him to say so. And instead what my Ex says has been vindicated. I keep wanting to write a letter to "our" friends telling my side of it; he certainly talked and talked. But I know my only motive is shaming them, and I know it will only make me look and feel bad. Nor is it logical. I liked those folks, but not enough to carry on a relationship with them individually.... Still they haunt me.
Because I lose. Tomorrow I speak to my attorney, but I think the only possible recourse would be appeal on a technicality, but I doubt my attorney would represent me in that. I already owe too much money. I'm also not even really sure if I want that, or if it's truly possible. I was not the one who initiated the suit.
Help me cope, and find some solace.
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