Advice for 'crowdfunding' etc for sick friend
April 2, 2013 3:46 PM Subscribe
Quite horribly a dear friend is very ill. I am now looking for information about crowdfunding, and 'best practices' for that and for practical support.
My friend of 20+ years had emergency surgery recently, and has now found out that he 'will require aggressive chemo.'
We are in Canada so this isn't going to generate hospital bills, but. I was heartbroken to see him working while still very much recovering from the surgery. Unemployment will cover 60% of his income, which is not enough for a single parent to get by on, at least not without significant stress.
I am e-mailing back and forth with mutual friends about some sort of crowdfunding. I assume there isn't a big delay between 'You have cancer' and 'Here's treatment that will leave you feeling dreadful' and am thinking the correct response here is to get the word out to everyone who knows him, and as quickly as possible pull together a chunk of change that will permit time off work (and help with expenses). And then let him know that $X is his.
I am sure there are people who would object to these sorts of machinations going on behind their backs. I am fairly (not 100%) confident that this is unlikely to be the case here, but I would like to hear about thoughts on and experiences with that aspect. Doing it on the down-low seems preferable to me because 'Here is $X' seems to offer less fuss than 'Here is this process that will result in $; don't know how much, you can watch it evolve and contemplate it...' but I've never had somebody crowdfund on my behalf, so who knows?
Looking through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_crowd_funding_services it looks like "YouCaring" is the best option -- no fees from the site, just PayPal's -- looks good, but please tell me about your experiences with these sites?
I am not finding a way to collect funds for him, without him knowing about the collection process, without the money first going to me. I think people trust me, but it's not really ideal, especially if it turns into a big chunk of change, which of course I hope it does. Can anybody suggest a (hopefully free) method to have it held in escrow until the fundraising is completed?
I have brought tasty stuff for his freezer and will bring more; people are aware of transportation needs. What needs are often overlooked in this sort of situation?
Anon as the friend is a MeFite who occasionally pokes into Ask. Throwaway: crowdfundask@outlook.com
My friend of 20+ years had emergency surgery recently, and has now found out that he 'will require aggressive chemo.'
We are in Canada so this isn't going to generate hospital bills, but. I was heartbroken to see him working while still very much recovering from the surgery. Unemployment will cover 60% of his income, which is not enough for a single parent to get by on, at least not without significant stress.
I am e-mailing back and forth with mutual friends about some sort of crowdfunding. I assume there isn't a big delay between 'You have cancer' and 'Here's treatment that will leave you feeling dreadful' and am thinking the correct response here is to get the word out to everyone who knows him, and as quickly as possible pull together a chunk of change that will permit time off work (and help with expenses). And then let him know that $X is his.
I am sure there are people who would object to these sorts of machinations going on behind their backs. I am fairly (not 100%) confident that this is unlikely to be the case here, but I would like to hear about thoughts on and experiences with that aspect. Doing it on the down-low seems preferable to me because 'Here is $X' seems to offer less fuss than 'Here is this process that will result in $; don't know how much, you can watch it evolve and contemplate it...' but I've never had somebody crowdfund on my behalf, so who knows?
Looking through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_crowd_funding_services it looks like "YouCaring" is the best option -- no fees from the site, just PayPal's -- looks good, but please tell me about your experiences with these sites?
I am not finding a way to collect funds for him, without him knowing about the collection process, without the money first going to me. I think people trust me, but it's not really ideal, especially if it turns into a big chunk of change, which of course I hope it does. Can anybody suggest a (hopefully free) method to have it held in escrow until the fundraising is completed?
I have brought tasty stuff for his freezer and will bring more; people are aware of transportation needs. What needs are often overlooked in this sort of situation?
Anon as the friend is a MeFite who occasionally pokes into Ask. Throwaway: crowdfundask@outlook.com
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's request -- cortex
Cleaning might get overlooked but can be impossible to cope with while ill and can also negatively impact your health if it doesn't get done.
posted by Michele in California at 4:09 PM on April 2, 2013
posted by Michele in California at 4:09 PM on April 2, 2013
I assume there isn't a big delay between 'You have cancer' and 'Here's treatment that will leave you feeling dreadful'
This can actually depend on the type of cancer and the necessary treatment. (For example, it was six weeks after my diagnosis till I started radiation, five months till I had the first of two surgeries, and eight or nine months till I started chemo.)
Personally, I would have been fucking livid if anyone started getting the word out and collecting money without my consent first, as you're suggesting. (And I say this as someone who was ultimately pretty open about my diagnosis, treatment, etc.) My sister accidentally outed me on FB immediately after I was diagnosed before I'd told the rest of my family and most of friends/coworkers, and I seriously lost my shit -- it completely violated my sense of having control over the public status of my health at the moment where I felt least in control in terms of what was happening with my body and having to suddenly grapple with my mortality.
Your friend may or may not want everyone told all at once, and may or may not want people raising money for him straight out of the gate. Please respect his privacy and autonomy enough to ask first.
(Edited to say that it sounds like your friend's social circle mostly knows about his diagnosis, so in this case I'm reading what you say to mean "getting the word out" strictly as collecting money, but I'm not absolutely positive that that's what you mean.)
posted by scody at 4:33 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
This can actually depend on the type of cancer and the necessary treatment. (For example, it was six weeks after my diagnosis till I started radiation, five months till I had the first of two surgeries, and eight or nine months till I started chemo.)
Personally, I would have been fucking livid if anyone started getting the word out and collecting money without my consent first, as you're suggesting. (And I say this as someone who was ultimately pretty open about my diagnosis, treatment, etc.) My sister accidentally outed me on FB immediately after I was diagnosed before I'd told the rest of my family and most of friends/coworkers, and I seriously lost my shit -- it completely violated my sense of having control over the public status of my health at the moment where I felt least in control in terms of what was happening with my body and having to suddenly grapple with my mortality.
Your friend may or may not want everyone told all at once, and may or may not want people raising money for him straight out of the gate. Please respect his privacy and autonomy enough to ask first.
(Edited to say that it sounds like your friend's social circle mostly knows about his diagnosis, so in this case I'm reading what you say to mean "getting the word out" strictly as collecting money, but I'm not absolutely positive that that's what you mean.)
posted by scody at 4:33 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Give Forward is another platform you can use for fundraising that doesn't charge fees for use. Paypal will deduct their transaction fees, though. YouCaring gives the option of setting a goal for funds raised and not releasing the funds until that is reached, like Kickstarter. They do charge a commission on each donation, though, in addition to Paypal fees. Another option would be to set up an account at a particular bank, and folks can donate directly to that. A friend who recently completed chemo had friends set something like this up and it worked well. I'm not sure how fees would work in that case, probably would vary by bank, but I'd imagine that they would be willing to work with you if the money was going to something like this. It would also take the onus off of you to handle any funds directly if you want to avoid that.
I wonder about pricing out particular services, like hiring a cleaning service, having meals delivered, etc. and giving smaller goals like that for folks to donate toward. It might be motivating and could direct the funds to specific things that would be useful.
I imagine that your friend will be incredibly grateful to you and to your friends, but I do think it's a good idea to give him a heads up ahead of time. A few years ago my friends got together to pay for an ex-boyfriend's unpaid medical expenses. It was incredibly kind and incredibly generous, and he reacted by freaking out because he was embarrassed. It was not ideal, and stuff like that is why he is now an ex, but at the same time, if your friend is feeling overwhelmed by the effects of treatment, worried about prognosis and stressed about how to handle the rest, it could feel like too much to be surprised with something like this.
posted by goggie at 4:41 PM on April 2, 2013
I wonder about pricing out particular services, like hiring a cleaning service, having meals delivered, etc. and giving smaller goals like that for folks to donate toward. It might be motivating and could direct the funds to specific things that would be useful.
I imagine that your friend will be incredibly grateful to you and to your friends, but I do think it's a good idea to give him a heads up ahead of time. A few years ago my friends got together to pay for an ex-boyfriend's unpaid medical expenses. It was incredibly kind and incredibly generous, and he reacted by freaking out because he was embarrassed. It was not ideal, and stuff like that is why he is now an ex, but at the same time, if your friend is feeling overwhelmed by the effects of treatment, worried about prognosis and stressed about how to handle the rest, it could feel like too much to be surprised with something like this.
posted by goggie at 4:41 PM on April 2, 2013
My friend recently used Lotsa Helping Hands to manage things when she had to donate a kidney to her young son. A nearby friend was the go to person for setting the site up and using it to coordinate meal planning. It was also a spot where people could send Get Well Messages and get updates without my friends personal email getting clogged up. They have a Donate area too, not sure of the details on that, but it could be a good option for organizing help for your friend without it being all about the money.
posted by saffry at 4:58 PM on April 2, 2013
posted by saffry at 4:58 PM on April 2, 2013
Do you know that he is he working through treatment because he feels he has to for financial reasons? If you aren't sure, you might want to suss that out first. Some people prefer to continue working because they don't want their employers to know, or because work provides them with human connection and activity.
You sound like a very kind and considerate person, and your friend is lucky to know you. Assuming he does need the $$, I hope the fundraising effort is very successful!
posted by bunderful at 5:11 PM on April 2, 2013
You sound like a very kind and considerate person, and your friend is lucky to know you. Assuming he does need the $$, I hope the fundraising effort is very successful!
posted by bunderful at 5:11 PM on April 2, 2013
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As far as I know successful crowd funding campaigns need to use social media like Facebook. I'm sure your friend will find out about it in short order. Anyway, good luck.
posted by hamandcheese at 3:54 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]