What are some particularly impressive OKCupid answers you've made/seen?

April 2, 2013 4:24 AM

There is a whole bunch of witty awesomeness decorating OKC profiles like bower bird nests, from neat extended explanations for the questions they ask, to clever attractive ways to display things that would ordinarily be considered shortcomings. What are some good examples of things you've written, or stolen, or wanted to steal, that were particularly neat? I am looking for things that would make great inspiration for a good profile.

This question was inspired by a friend's extended explanation of why he answered six for the 'How many continents are there?' question. [Linked with permission, visible to OKC members only]

Please don't post anything even remotely personally identifying unless its identifying you.

posted by Blasdelb to Human Relations (29 answers total)

Best answer: Many years ago on a different dating site, I was the Baardvark, Poet Ungulate, complete with aardvark profile photo.
posted by exogenous at 4:31 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]

Best answer: In lieu of the "about me" section, I wrote a list of FACTS about myself...essentially an opportunity to drop some cool/weird things I've done that wouldn't naturally fit anywhere on the profile.

Since my FACTS included things like having gone on a dinosaur dig and having driven to nearly every state in the US and liking expensive toilet paper, there was plenty of good opening line material to choose from. I got lots of messages, including ones from dudes who were (if I'm being honest) physically way out of my league who were curious and wanted to know more.

I thought it was pretty effective.
posted by phunniemee at 4:43 AM on April 2, 2013 [8 favorites]

Best answer: For a while my most private thing was that I walk around like a dinosaur once a day (it's true, I do) and that generated a lot of messages, mostly asking what type of dinosaur.

I get a lot of compliments on my profile, but maybe that's the nature of the game? I'm the same username there as I am here, so feel free to take a look.

Your friend's answer is amazing, btw.
posted by punchtothehead at 5:44 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I am a sucker for this setup, which I have seen a couple times

On a typical Friday night I am...
batman
posted by skrozidile at 6:38 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]

Best answer: I got really sick of seeing people list their Meyers-Brigg scores, as if it mattered, so for my Self-Summary section I simply wrote "My Meyers-Brig score is BAMF. Deal with it, chumps." This joke is stolen from a Dear Coquette answer. I never claimed to be 100% original. People seem to like it though!

For what it's worth, though... if I see a profile that is absolutely spangled with witticisms like tinsel on a Christmas tree, I tend to think "wow, I bet it would be absolutely exhausting to be around this person for more than five minutes." Maybe it's just my demographic, but I've gotten to the point where a sincere, non-sarcastic answer to a profile question is what sparks my interest, because it's so rare.
posted by showbiz_liz at 6:58 AM on April 2, 2013 [19 favorites]

Best answer: I agree/think that the key to OKC profiles is not to display your sparkling wit, but to be very very specific with things about yourself and phrase them in a way that makes it easy for people to respond and say "that sounds really cool, tell me more about xyz" in whatever clever sexy way they'd like to phrase it.

Also, running gags.

(my profile is pretty darn easy to find, if you know my mefi username)
posted by softlord at 7:18 AM on April 2, 2013

My favourite bit on my profile is under 6 things I could never do without: A Simpsons reference for every occasion and oh yes, I really hate yoyos. I can't say anyone's ever mentioned it but it makes me chuckle.
posted by yellowbinder at 7:22 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]

I've seen this a couple of times, but I really like:

Q. What is the most private thing you're willing to admit on the internet?
A. I have a profile up on an internet dating website. Oh, wait. So do you.

Since I've seen it more than once it's obviously not unique, but I like it... it's clever but also friendly/flirty.
posted by Ziggy500 at 7:38 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Q. What is the most private thing you're willing to admit on the internet?
A. I have a profile up on an internet dating website. Oh, wait. So do you.

I dunno- reading that I just hear "I'm second-rate, but so are you, so since we can't do any better than each other, let's go out!" Even as a joke, that doesn't exactly make my heart flutter.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:25 AM on April 2, 2013 [13 favorites]

I once saw one that said,

The Most Private Thing I'm Willing to Admit:

I keep reading this sentence as, "the most PIRATE thing I'm willing to admit." Yarr.
posted by like_a_friend at 8:53 AM on April 2, 2013 [7 favorites]

Honestly, when I was on OkCupid, I really liked it when people gave an actual straightforward answer to the "What I'm doing with my life" question-- whether working a crushing day job, living out their dream career, hitch-hiking around the world, or staying in bed all day fighting depression, no matter, I wasn't screening for good or bad answers so much as it just felt germane to know what that person actually does with the majority of their waking life.
posted by threeants at 9:46 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]

For "The Most Private Thing I'm Willing to Admit" I put a secret message in rot13. Only one person decoded it as far as I know but she messaged me and we are still together to this day. I agree with what other people have said that straight-forward answers are the best, so if you have some jokes in your profile they should be part of real answers rather than a bunch of sarcastic non-answers.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:50 AM on April 2, 2013 [9 favorites]

If you are also interested in things to not say:

I hate it when people answer "The Most Private Thing I'm Willing to Admit" with "Well then it wouldn't be private" or some variation of this. It makes them seem really non-creative, boring and, well, kind of dumb if they think it has to be taken literally. It makes me want to shake them and tell them they don't have to list that they were raped at age 3 but that they can share a quirk like the poster above mentioned they walk like a dinosaur everyday.

Same with the "6 Things.." part. I like it when people take creative license instead of listing "my iPhone, food, oxygen, car," and so on. Take the opportunity to show me what matters to you, e.g. "My library card, hoppy beer, my cat Funkymitts, planting herbs every spring.."
posted by oceanview at 10:11 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]

There was a profile that I saved several years ago because I thought some of the answers were awesome. Thanks for the opportunity to dig it up!
------------------------------------

Last great book I read

Dating for Dummies.


Celebrity I resemble most

I've been told I look like a streetlamp starring in various films.


The five items I can't live without

First aid kit, fire extinguisher, baking soda, oxygen tank, DSM IV diagnostic manual


WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME
I'm funny.
I'm weird.
I'm smart.
I'm cute.
I'm fit.

If we meet and I like you, I can ensure you will have fun. Why? Because I am fun.

Just listen to these testimonials:
"He was semi-interesting"
"Was he even there? I didn't notice?"
posted by foxjacket at 10:27 AM on April 2, 2013 [14 favorites]

Here to second threeants. Nothing used to drive me crazier than people who answered 'what are you doing with your life' with 'living it to the fullest!' or like, 'living, loving, learning, eating' or some crap. Yeah, yeah, is 'living' just codeword for unemployed? I'd literally rather you say 'I'm between jobs right now.' More likely to get a response.
posted by namesarehard at 10:31 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]

Not exactly what you asked for, but this profile makes me laugh: Iwontmurdryou
posted by catatethebird at 11:37 AM on April 2, 2013 [22 favorites]

Depending on what you are looking for in a potential partner, I would honestly recommend not trying too hard to have the "witty" profile. When I did online dating (which was very brief, honestly, so take this with a grain of salt) I was always actively turned off by profiles or messages that gave a tryhard or excessively snarky/"I am weird, look at my weirdness!" vibe. And this seemed to be a very common thing among the (intelligent, nerdy, dare-I-say-kinda-socially-inept) types who often matched up with my other preferences. It isn't that I'm against humor, or against weirdness, or am only interested in people who are conforming and normal. But you need to be genuine. You need to be interesting. Snark and sarcasm and self-identifying as "weird" are just flat not interesting to me. Someone who says "I am weird, look how weird I am, let me give you lots of weird tidbits about myself to try to impress you with my weirdness" instead of just "I really like (insert uncommon niche interest that may or may not come off as weird, but is at least informative)" is giving off a juvenile anti-conformity vibe that tells me more about their emotional maturity than it does about their uniqueness as a person. I know, because frankly, I used to do this. It was an insecurity thing. I was trying to make friends and state my place in the world without being personally vulnerable or genuine. So now, when I read a profile that screams that vibe, I cringe and feel sorry for the person a little, and I move on.

For example - this?

Q. What is the most private thing you're willing to admit on the internet?
A. I have a profile up on an internet dating website. Oh, wait. So do you.

Ugh. Let's see... We've got cliche/juvenile (I mean - "oh wait" - really? are we 14?) AND self-deprecating (online dating ha ha losers ha ha but you're a loser too haha let's go be losers together) AND not volunteering any actual personal information. Three strikes. The rest of the profile would have to be verrrry compelling to get me past that point, I am being honest.

So what I'm saying is - if you want to go the funny route in one area, make sure it's funny in a way that you yourself are funny or identify with; and make sure there is a lot of actual substance in the rest of your profile to beef it up. A full profile of one-liners and quips may make humorous reading material, and maybe some curious "where did you get that?" messages, but it doesn't exactly shout "this person is good relationship material" (if indeed you are looking for a relationship. If you're not, none of this probably applies; move along. :) )
posted by celtalitha at 11:41 AM on April 2, 2013 [6 favorites]

I used a narrative format (recreated here), which was way longer than most, but which I think conveys all the crucial points about me. Also, it worked, so there's that.
posted by jph at 11:47 AM on April 2, 2013

My friends with "brilliant" profiles don't realize that they sound like always-on, pains in the ass. (In my humble opinion).

I kept my profile somewhat sincere, if half-assed. The answer that got mentioned the most in messages was:

What is the most private thing you're willing to admit on the internet?
Is probably way too gross for the internet.

All these dudes wanted to know what was so gross! And I couldn't tell them, because, I am actually really gross. Not sure if that's impressive, but it was a conversation piece.

Oh how I hate OkCupid.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 11:52 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]

I met my partner on OkCupid. Her profile was long, ten times longer than average, beautifully meandering and thoughtful; she's a gifted writer (not unlike jph above, though very different personal style). It was bursting with life. She got herself involved in a long discussion about why she couldn't stand most Hollywood films, but thought that Ferris Bueller and Back to the Future were modern classics. Her pictures prominently displayed her tattoos and a rather unusual body mod. She was not trying to please or lure, or hiding behind jokes or cliches, or trying to fit the pattern of what a good profile should look like; she was just her very unique self, fully and unapologetically, take it or leave it. I felt the lively mind behind her words and I needed to meet her.

My own profile was not so long or beautifully written, but it had a similar directness, stating exactly who I perceived myself to be and what I thought I was searching for, and it was written with a conversational flow. No jokes or cliches, not for any particular reason except that they had nothing to do with who I am. She found my earnestness appealing. I guess for both of us we had let enough of our personalities come through that the other one got a sense of who we were, and that was enough to get us interested.
posted by PercussivePaul at 1:14 PM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]

The biggest turnoff for me when I read profiles was someone trying to be funny. I was more attracted to the thoughtful and even poetic expression.
posted by i_wear_boots at 3:06 PM on April 2, 2013

Explaining someone's preferred age range: "Jesus died at age 33. My cutoff is Jesus."
posted by dekathelon at 3:49 PM on April 2, 2013

My friends with "brilliant" profiles don't realize that they sound like always-on, pains in the ass. (In my humble opinion).

I kept my profile somewhat sincere, if half-assed.

I completely agree with this and beg to differ from other posters who say they don't like profiles that try to be funny. I met the man I'm marrying on OKC and he had a funny profile. I think it worked because it was self-aware and somewhat self-deprecating, much like foxjacket's example. (He joked about how he was trying to make yourself look good in his profile and also gently poked fun at himself.) I don't think much useful information can be gleaned from online dating profiles anyway, so I guess that's why his approach appealed to me.
posted by Carmelita Spats at 4:37 PM on April 2, 2013

It's a simple thing, but the "you should message me if" on my profile that gets me the most responses is "you want to tell me about something awesome you're doing to make the world better now." Turns out that people do or have done all kinds of neat things, from volunteer tree-planting to walking across California with a giant gay pride flag to protest prop 8.

I initially added this line in DC, to protect against the people I was meeting who had lots to say about their study abroad experiences but seemingly nothing interesting going on in the here and now. Much better to phrase the point in terms of positive experiences rather than "please don't rattle on and on at me about your life-changing experiences in the developing world."

I also get a ton of compliments on my profile picture. (That would be me flipping off a wax statue of George W. Bush, for the okcupid non-members.) Good for screening out stealth conservatives.
posted by ActionPopulated at 7:46 PM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]

On a typical Friday night I am...
Oh yeah, almost always.
posted by the jam at 7:57 PM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]

If you are a redditor, you might enjoy reading /r/okcupid. Even as a non-user I really enjoy reading people's profile reviews, dilemmas of what to put in profiles, and efforts at optimization.

(I really like ActionPopulated's answer, and PercussivePaul's. It isn't just about okc but linkedin, etc., that if my profile doesn't do it for you, it might also mean that you are not the person I am looking for.)
posted by whatzit at 3:35 AM on April 3, 2013

One was a poem, one an admission of fear and weakness, one a reference to a favorite BWV number.

Common theme: speaking from the heart.
posted by ead at 7:28 AM on April 3, 2013

I recommend being adamant about something.

My hatred for chunky peanut butter has been mentioned in nearly every message I've received.
posted by Twicketface at 12:34 PM on April 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

My profile (which shares my MeFi name) has an extended ramble on buying second hand tuxedos on ebay in response to the "most private thing I will admit" prompt which has been mentioned in the vast majority of messages I've received on OKC. So I guess that's my gem?

Also, I know Blasdelb wasn't looking for advice per say, but just to throw in my two cents, when I was active on OKC I was absolutely looking for people with jokes on their profile.
posted by midmarch snowman at 4:07 PM on April 4, 2013