the L word
December 17, 2012 10:21 PM Subscribe
how can i learn to love myself and be more self-confident in my relationship?
posted by happyjuice to Human Relations (9 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
my SO told me the other day that he loved me for the first time. it was a really sweet, meaningful moment, particularly because he had taken his time before saying it and he explained exactly what that meant to him. it felt really good to hear, even after many months of him telling me already how much i meant to him and how "perfect" i am.
the problem is... i don't trust it. i trust him, and i'm pretty sure i love him too, but i don't know if i trust love. (i've been in so-called love before, and it turned into a bit of a nightmare.) and as a result, i have a hard time accepting his love for me and not picking all over it and feeling like it's somehow insincere. it also doesn't help that i'm a perfectionist, and the idea of someone else thinking that i'm "perfect" (even though i know they don't really mean perfect, because nobody's truly perfect) puts this strange pressure on me. the burden of living up to the ideal in that person's head or something.
on that note, i've found myself feeling way more self-conscious in this relationship than my last one (which was very long), and i'm not sure why, or what to do about it. my SO hasn't given me any reason to feel judged or strange. he is a little reserved with his feelings, so it was a major milestone (i think) for him to be so candid recently. for whatever reason, i feel like there's a sort of imbalance of vulnerability, and that may be part of the issue. i feel more vulnerable, like i've shared more embarrassing parts of my life and cried in front of him, etc.
anything proactive or specific that i can do to improve my self-confidence and/or balance the vulnerability scales a bit (if that makes any sense)? i'm very independent and the opposite of needy in relationships. i have a lot of other things going on in my life that i'm proud of, and certainly don't want to depend on someone else for satisfaction. but at the same time, i don't think i truly love myself, and that may be the root of the problem.