Superficiality and Remote Insincerity - What's Wrong with my Sibling?
October 26, 2012 7:29 AM Subscribe
My sister is a complete enigma. Which is fine, except it irks me to no end.
Aside from apparently sharing similar DNA, my siblings and I have zero in common. In fact, they are so foreign to me we rarely speak if at all. Unfortunately in recent times my/their mother has fallen ill and needs support and some comfort. I knew from the get go that there would be nothing forthcoming from either sibling. It just irks me to no end that the female sibling I have had some contact with is completely off the charts in a word - UNREAL. I don't know what's wrong with her, what she's suffering from or what caused her to become this way. When we were growing up she wasn't like this - but she moved to another country 30 years ago and she adopted a superficial, removed, high falluting, pretentious and narcissistic manner about her. Her voice is sing-song and you immediately get the sense she's completely insincere.
When you attempt to talk to her, it's like having a conversation with someone not in this world. She talks down to you. And it's like she's behind a curtain or veil not even venturing out to meet you halfway. The topic of any conversation eventually drifts to her and all the amazing things she does and then it somehow drifts to the terrible things she must endure from her husband going into INTIMATE details. WTF? Also she is extremely passive-aggressive.
Now I asked her to be in our mother's life in some which way, she basically said *Absolutely not* - I have a ticket back home on Wednesday night and (sic) that's all that matters to me.
WTH is going on with this person? She can show zero empathy, she is remote, fixated on herself and I find myself entirely on guard every year or so I find myself interacting with her. There is zero affinity between us. Just as a side-note - other people have mentioned this superiority air she puts on.
Finally - I just let it all go and told her without mincing words that she sucked as a *sister* and a daughter. She of course hung up. Which is always her mode of dealing with things. Estrangement runs in this family and a more dysfunctional collective might be very hard to find. Nobody speaks to anyone and everyone is off in their own world. I just want to get educated on what program is running in my siblings brain to make her behave this way.
Insights - please.
Thanks
Aside from apparently sharing similar DNA, my siblings and I have zero in common. In fact, they are so foreign to me we rarely speak if at all. Unfortunately in recent times my/their mother has fallen ill and needs support and some comfort. I knew from the get go that there would be nothing forthcoming from either sibling. It just irks me to no end that the female sibling I have had some contact with is completely off the charts in a word - UNREAL. I don't know what's wrong with her, what she's suffering from or what caused her to become this way. When we were growing up she wasn't like this - but she moved to another country 30 years ago and she adopted a superficial, removed, high falluting, pretentious and narcissistic manner about her. Her voice is sing-song and you immediately get the sense she's completely insincere.
When you attempt to talk to her, it's like having a conversation with someone not in this world. She talks down to you. And it's like she's behind a curtain or veil not even venturing out to meet you halfway. The topic of any conversation eventually drifts to her and all the amazing things she does and then it somehow drifts to the terrible things she must endure from her husband going into INTIMATE details. WTF? Also she is extremely passive-aggressive.
Now I asked her to be in our mother's life in some which way, she basically said *Absolutely not* - I have a ticket back home on Wednesday night and (sic) that's all that matters to me.
WTH is going on with this person? She can show zero empathy, she is remote, fixated on herself and I find myself entirely on guard every year or so I find myself interacting with her. There is zero affinity between us. Just as a side-note - other people have mentioned this superiority air she puts on.
Finally - I just let it all go and told her without mincing words that she sucked as a *sister* and a daughter. She of course hung up. Which is always her mode of dealing with things. Estrangement runs in this family and a more dysfunctional collective might be very hard to find. Nobody speaks to anyone and everyone is off in their own world. I just want to get educated on what program is running in my siblings brain to make her behave this way.
Insights - please.
Thanks
This post was deleted for the following reason: Sorry your sister's driving you up the wall, but this seems to be a whole lot of "my sister is terrible" with only a nominal question attached. If you want to try and rework this as some sort of concrete request for help on something more specific with less venting, maybe try again next week. -- cortex
I suggest that there may exist some major, negative event between your sister and mother, that has driven them apart, that you are not privy to.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:32 AM on October 26, 2012
posted by Thorzdad at 7:32 AM on October 26, 2012
It could be a dozen things, tbh. Maybe she's just a terrible person? Maybe she has other things going on in her life of which you are unaware? Maybe she's severely depressed?
I get that you're going through a shitty time with your mom, but this is really just a rant disguised as a question.
posted by elizardbits at 7:33 AM on October 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
I get that you're going through a shitty time with your mom, but this is really just a rant disguised as a question.
posted by elizardbits at 7:33 AM on October 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
Butt out.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:36 AM on October 26, 2012
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:36 AM on October 26, 2012
See, we can't really answer this because we don't know her. If you want to ask her, you can say, "Is there something going on that I don't know about? Did something happen between you and mom? Why do you act this way?"
You may or may not get answers from her, but you're certainly not going to get any from strangers on the internet.
posted by cooker girl at 7:36 AM on October 26, 2012
You may or may not get answers from her, but you're certainly not going to get any from strangers on the internet.
posted by cooker girl at 7:36 AM on October 26, 2012
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If she does not wish to be in your mother's life, that is her choice.
Why do you choose to still be in her life, if she bothers you so much? If that were my sibling, I'd write her off and pretend she no longer existed, since she seems to want that.
posted by xingcat at 7:32 AM on October 26, 2012