The Begat

October 20, 2012 6:31 AM

Convince me to have kids.

I am a woman and I don’t want children. I never have. Given my cultural background, none of my relatives and few of my friends understand or support that, saying we're "supposed to" and "but your Dad's lineage will die out" and equally ridiculous reasons for me to have to use my body in a way I don't want it to be used.

I have never, ever heard a good reason from anyone to have children. "What if your mom hadn't had you?" is not a good reason. If I hadn't been born I'm not sure who that would've made a difference to, being that I wouldn't have been born, and there are trillions upon trillions of eggs that were never fertilized. The idea that it's "selfish" not to have children makes me wonder if people know what the word selfish means, because usually when people tell me they want to create a new human being their reason starts with "I want". Passing on my genes seems like a pretty narcissistic reason to create a new person. "Don't you like kids?" I like kids, but I don't necessarily want to push EVERYTHING that I like out of my vagina. (And the kid could end up being a sociopath, or a number of other things I think people wouldn't want...) I've literally never heard or read a reason that I thought was a good reason.

Can anyone tell me a good reason to have kids? Can anyone convince me that having children is better than not having children?

Are there any experiences from women who never wanted to have children but had them anyway for one reason or another and love being a mother now? Can anyone give me a good reason to have children?

(Please, don't tell me that I shouldn't have them if I don't want them. That's not the question I'm asking.)

posted by Enchanting Grasshopper to Human Relations (1 answer total)

I don't know if I can convince you, but I can tell you the reason I'm interested in having kids. I wasn't, really, until I became good friends with a couple of my friends' kids. And I realized that they're incredibly cool little people whose presence brings a new sheen of excitement to a lot of experiences which seem humdrum to ordinary adults. The gift of some $2 supermarket play-doh is suddenly huge and transformative and awesome and fun. Watching the newest episode of Doctor Who (with our heads under the covers and while brandishing a sonic screwdriver) can suddenly become ridiculously scary and high octane. I can't wait to see how the holidays will seem with a kid--how it will feel to have that magic restored from my own childhood and experience it through their eyes. Everything is more intense with kids, the good, the bad, the sparkly, because they're seeing it for the first time. Creating a whole new person through which I can discover the world might be a little selfish, sure--but it also means creating a whole new person to experience this big, exciting, beautiful world. I think there's got to be some good in that.

Plus, there's the old Idiocracy argument. Stupid people will inevitably breed (as facebook has shown me as my high school class has moved through the years). Why not give a cool little smarty pants a chance to exist, too?

Like I said, maybe those arguments are selfish. The whole "childfree is selfish" argument never holds much water to me (and it's one I've heard quite a bit in my extended family). But I still think having kids, while challenging, can be an incredibly rewarding experience. And you only get one life and the only way to have some experiences is to dive in. So, there you go. That's what I'm thinking.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:48 AM on October 20, 2012