What is wrong with me?
October 6, 2012 9:11 AM Subscribe
Why am I so unattractive to women?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (42 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I’m a 25 male living in the UK. Quite simply, there must be something wrong with me as I don't think women find me sexually attractive. For a start I've never had a girlfriend. More on that later.
The rest of my life is really very good, no joke. After my 25th birthday, after nursing a fragile hangover and realising I wasn't 20 anymore, the realisation that almost every all of my friends apart from me has had some kind of relationship or another dawned on me. It was quite frankly a very sad and depressing thought. I suppose I'd always known it was a weak point, but it's never affected me mentally until now. That realisation has kicked started something massive and it's been growing in the back of the mind. The trouble is I don't what to do since I don't know why women don't dig. So I’m asking for some advice Mefi, because crowd sourcing is great and I have faith! A little about me below.
+ I'm not a complete social dork! I genuinely do get along well with most people and have a couple of really awesome close friends. Most of them live a few hours away but we hang out couple of times a year and it’s always good fun.
+ I work in a professional office environment in a small city. Fairly respectable high-end profession, long hours but it’s well paid. A challenging but enjoyable role. I have a great relationship with everyone in the office.
+ Independence suits me ok. I live by myself not with my parents. I get on with them though.
+ Had a good college experience from a Russell Group university. The Russell Group is the UK equivalent of the Ivy League. By that I mean I didn't just shut myself in a room and study (apart from the problem of dating obviously).
+ Man, I love sports and exercise. Put a tick against trail running, hiking, climbing, skiing. They are awesome and have taken me to incredible places in Europe most people just don't get to see. And yes I do use the gym on top of all that. Part of the motivation has obviously been to try to look good, but I genuinely love pushing the limit and it wouldn't change even if Ms Girlfriend existed. Probably.
+ Confidence. Used to be a problem (natural introvert) but I have to be outgoing for what I do at work, and it’s rubbed off on my personal life. I don't have problems meet new people. Also I think most of us grow in confidence as we grow older, at least I have!
+ Appearance. Explaining your appearance over the internet is always a little awkward and I wouldn't normally say any of this but I think this affects the answers to this question so here it is. All that hard exercise combined with a fairly controlled diet has paid off (for those debating to do exercise to lose weight, do it). Shall we say I have an obvious muscular build, probably about 10% body fat? On the flip side, at 5 foot 7 I’m not very tall. And I have awful skin but thankfully the doc’s giving me meds for that which seems to be helping lately. Finally, for the record I'm of SE Asian descent.
+ I used to put little effort into dress but recently this is an area which I've invested a bit more in. Thankfully as a guy, this is less of a minefield than as a girl.
+ Normal dating. Countable on one hand. All of them flaked after the first or second.
+ Online dating. Tried with poor results. Got 2 or 3 dates over a year and none of them worked. And here lies the problem of not living in a big city, folks. The ratio of getting dates to the effort put in was so low it was canned after the "CBA" threshold was passed.
So here it is Mefi. The problem is girls just don't seem to be interested. My life is good apart from that so I suppose it's like building a big Lego car and finding the last vital piece is missing. Lately I've been looking for signs of flirting or whatever in normal social interactions and very few are given. The ones that do flirt are almost always taken. Goddamn. Is there something wrong with me? Am I just terrible at flirting? I suppose my question is what the hell do I do now? Is it worthwhile seeing a therapist? I have no plans to stay single for ever but at this rate if I don’t find out what the root cause is then this is a likely possibility.
Any suggestions welcome. firstname.lastname@example.org for all your PM needs. Thanks!!