I'm in the worst non-relationship ever and I don't get myself out.
May 26, 2012 11:15 PM Subscribe
I'm addicted. To a person. And much like addictions to other things, I know I need rehab, but I'm not ready to go there. What can I do to manage until I bottom out/finally wake up/he drops me?
If you care to read any of my other posts, yes, it's this same guy.
We've been on and off now four times since we met at the end of November and I'm basically all out of excuses for going back to him.
He doesn't want to be in relationship, even if he did, has doubts about me, we're all wrong for one another, and him being in my life has brought nothing but tears and misery.
My friends are clearly (and justifiably) over it. I can't afford therapy. I'd consider AL Anon, but I'm not really down with the whole 12 step thing.
I've done everything short of telling him to leave me the F alone. Blocked him on all social media, don't initiate contact, have stayed away from places he may be, erased our text threads, took him out of my phone (though I have his # memorized) etc.
I pray he won't get in touch with me or that he meets someone else, as much as that would destroy me. I do believe time heals wounds and know for certain I'll be fine without him. The past couple of weeks were fine, even though it was hard not hearing from him. I knew/believed it was for the best and felt good that I didn't have a weak moment by caving and contacting him. I figured I was on to something when even being drunk wasn't enough for me to go there.
But just a simple "hi" from him via text after that couple of weeks of zero contact and I'm at his beck and call like nothing ever happened.
I'm fairy sure if he suggested I jump off a cliff with him, I'd take his hand and not ask any questions.
I'm lost. I'm sick of myself. I know he's using me, I know it's not going to end well. In some ways, I'm not sure why I'm bothering to write this.
Any thoughts/advice/stories are appreciated.