Last minute gift idea
May 20, 2012 8:50 AM Subscribe
So... it's my stepmother's 78th birthday in a couple of days. This time, I need help in coming up with a last minute gift.
Birthday time, but... my stepmother and I have little in common, have been relatively estranged since my father's death and very rarely talk (if I call and leave a message, she does not return my call, for example). I still try to give her gifts she will enjoy for Christmas and birthdays, but this time around, the date has snuck up on me and is only a couple days away, I have not only left the gift-getting for far too late, but am completely stumped -- and it's causing me guilt.
She's turning 78. Her health is moderately good, but she did recently move into assisted living. I have not spoken to her recently, so I know nothing about her new place or if she needs anything there. I'm fairly certain she does not have a garden there; I am doubtful that she's still playing golf. She does play bridge, and she does have a small dog. She does not enjoy cooking, and I have no idea what her dietary restrictions might be at present. She used to literally be the easiest person in my family to buy gifts for because she likes "stuff", but I know the recent move meant major downsizing for her and we've really been out of touch. I have no confidence that she's comfortable with online shopping, so a gift card to use online isn't a good fit (and feels too impersonal, if that's possible given the distant nature of our relationship), and I don't have a clue which stores she likes where she lives now. My preference due to my own limitations would be to buy a gift online and expedite it... but am completely at a loss what "it" is. I've also likely overdone the scarves and earrings for her over the years. She's not big on either books or music (you start to see how we differ).
Gah! Please hope me?
Birthday time, but... my stepmother and I have little in common, have been relatively estranged since my father's death and very rarely talk (if I call and leave a message, she does not return my call, for example). I still try to give her gifts she will enjoy for Christmas and birthdays, but this time around, the date has snuck up on me and is only a couple days away, I have not only left the gift-getting for far too late, but am completely stumped -- and it's causing me guilt.
She's turning 78. Her health is moderately good, but she did recently move into assisted living. I have not spoken to her recently, so I know nothing about her new place or if she needs anything there. I'm fairly certain she does not have a garden there; I am doubtful that she's still playing golf. She does play bridge, and she does have a small dog. She does not enjoy cooking, and I have no idea what her dietary restrictions might be at present. She used to literally be the easiest person in my family to buy gifts for because she likes "stuff", but I know the recent move meant major downsizing for her and we've really been out of touch. I have no confidence that she's comfortable with online shopping, so a gift card to use online isn't a good fit (and feels too impersonal, if that's possible given the distant nature of our relationship), and I don't have a clue which stores she likes where she lives now. My preference due to my own limitations would be to buy a gift online and expedite it... but am completely at a loss what "it" is. I've also likely overdone the scarves and earrings for her over the years. She's not big on either books or music (you start to see how we differ).
Gah! Please hope me?
Best answer: You could call the assisted living facility and ask them what she needs. It could be something simple like a new dressing gown and slippers or a heavier blanket. Maybe a really beautiful reading lamp.
Because she has downsized, I would focus on disposable, useful or both. Large print magazine subscriptions or books, flowers, a potted plant, all good things that you don't have to keep forever.
posted by myselfasme at 9:13 AM on May 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
Because she has downsized, I would focus on disposable, useful or both. Large print magazine subscriptions or books, flowers, a potted plant, all good things that you don't have to keep forever.
posted by myselfasme at 9:13 AM on May 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
Picture frame.
Mug & personal size teapot.
Book, even though she doesn't love them. She doesn't even return your calls, so don't worry about the gift being ideal.
A radio.
Throw/afghan.
Decorative bowl/dish.
posted by Kololo at 9:15 AM on May 20, 2012
Mug & personal size teapot.
Book, even though she doesn't love them. She doesn't even return your calls, so don't worry about the gift being ideal.
A radio.
Throw/afghan.
Decorative bowl/dish.
posted by Kololo at 9:15 AM on May 20, 2012
My mom has gotten a lot of use out of a lap desk while she has been in assisted living. It's useful for writing a card or a letter, working on a crossword puzzle or doing a craft project and can even double as a tray for eating a meal or snack. And, it doesn't take up much room.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 9:18 AM on May 20, 2012
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 9:18 AM on May 20, 2012
When my grandmother was in assisted living, the following gifts went over well:
soft, comfortable socks
nice slippers (make sure they have good traction on the soles)
a pretty housecoat
flowers
a flowering houseplant
something to hang on the wall (framed photo of loved ones or, because my grandmother was very Catholic, religious pictures, crucifix, etc.)
nice lotion or perfume
You could also consider sending an Edible Arrangement (call the staff to see if she has dietary restrictions that would preclude this). We also brought her cookies and other baked goods. Even though she couldn't necessarily eat them all herself, she liked sharing them with the other residents and being able to say her family brought them.
On preview, seconding the idea of calling the staff and asking them what she needs.
posted by Majorita at 9:21 AM on May 20, 2012
soft, comfortable socks
nice slippers (make sure they have good traction on the soles)
a pretty housecoat
flowers
a flowering houseplant
something to hang on the wall (framed photo of loved ones or, because my grandmother was very Catholic, religious pictures, crucifix, etc.)
nice lotion or perfume
You could also consider sending an Edible Arrangement (call the staff to see if she has dietary restrictions that would preclude this). We also brought her cookies and other baked goods. Even though she couldn't necessarily eat them all herself, she liked sharing them with the other residents and being able to say her family brought them.
On preview, seconding the idea of calling the staff and asking them what she needs.
posted by Majorita at 9:21 AM on May 20, 2012
Best answer: I was coming here to also suggest sending flowers. They might seem frivolous, but they brighten up a room, lighten your mood, and aren't something many people purchase for themselves .
posted by random thoughts at 9:24 AM on May 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by random thoughts at 9:24 AM on May 20, 2012 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Flowers really are a lovely gift in these circumstances. They have a limited shelf-life, so they don't add to her "stuff" quota; they're likely to be appreciated by her fellow residents at the assisted living; and they are fancy and frivolous, which makes them festive.
Cut flowers, of course, not a plant (which she would need to take care of and which would take up space).
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:28 AM on May 20, 2012
Cut flowers, of course, not a plant (which she would need to take care of and which would take up space).
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:28 AM on May 20, 2012
Best answer: And roses are considered really elegant and extravagant by many people of her generation. On the other hand, if there's another flower you remember her growing and loving in her gardening days (iris, peonies, whatever) it would be thoughtful to send that. But you probably can't go wrong with roses.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:29 AM on May 20, 2012
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:29 AM on May 20, 2012
Yes, a potted plant or flower arrangement. No more "stuff."
And there's always the option of no present, you know.
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:46 AM on May 20, 2012
And there's always the option of no present, you know.
posted by BostonTerrier at 9:46 AM on May 20, 2012
Flowers, and/or a basket of fresh fruit.
posted by easily confused at 9:58 AM on May 20, 2012
posted by easily confused at 9:58 AM on May 20, 2012
Best answer: Send flowers. People love getting flowers!
posted by DarlingBri at 12:44 PM on May 20, 2012
posted by DarlingBri at 12:44 PM on May 20, 2012
Best answer: Nthing flowers. My Oma asked me to stop sending her "stuff" years ago, but loves getting flowers. Good quality cut orchids last a long time.
posted by mon-ma-tron at 4:29 PM on May 20, 2012
posted by mon-ma-tron at 4:29 PM on May 20, 2012
How about nice toilettries like fancy body wash and body lotion and such...if you're not sure about her liking strongly perfumed stuff, I really like the products at L'Occitane, plus, they have diiferent sized and priced gift sets.
posted by CrazyLemonade at 11:33 PM on May 20, 2012
posted by CrazyLemonade at 11:33 PM on May 20, 2012
Response by poster: Flowers it is; roses even. Found a local-to-her family owned flower market that had an elegant bowl of peach, cram and white roses. Here's hoping they brighten her day. Thank you all for assisting.
posted by vers at 7:14 AM on May 21, 2012
posted by vers at 7:14 AM on May 21, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by kellyblah at 9:11 AM on May 20, 2012