Relationship-filter: I am willing to work on my relationship with a S.O. This leads to the problem that I have a hard time assessing if the relationship is working through. Let me explain more:
First, I am not asking about a specific relationship but about relationships in general. I am a late-blooming straight male in his late 20s who is starting to get into romantic relationships. This question is primarily focused on the context of the early phases of dating—after each person has expressed interest in pursuing the relationship but before long-term commitments have been made.
In terms of fixed- vs. growth-mindsets
, I strongly view relationships in growth terms: I understand that relationships require effort to maintain, that they develop, and hence that I as a partner in a relationship can remake how I participate in a relationship. (And likewise my partner can do the same, and the two of us can together remake what our relationship looks like—assuming she's on board with the growth mindset perspective as well.)
The challenge that I have is that I have a hard time identifying the category of issues that could be worked through, but wouldn't be worth it. I am pretty clear on my absolutes and dealbreakers. But, there's a lot of things in any given relationship that could be different and could be worked through. I struggle with determining which of these things are legitimate reasons to end a relationship, and which are just issues that need to be worked through.
Asking the question from the other direction: I have a hard time identifying what are the key elements that make a relationship worth growing in, since almost all of the obstacles I see are things that could be worked through given sufficient time and effort. I suspect that part of this uncertainty stems from being a late bloomer romantically and so not having an extensive history of past relationships to learn from.
TL;DR, or: What Is Your Question Anyway?
How does someone who is open to working through issues in a relationship determine whether the relationship itself is worth working through or whether it's better to keep looking for another relationship?