How do I express to my partner I'd like him to do thoughtful things for me without making him feel bad.?
March 31, 2012 9:15 AM Subscribe
How do I express to my partner I'd like him to do thoughtful things for me without making him feel bad?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
I will begin by saying that my partner is a very good man with an excellent moral compass and a lot of love and care for his friends, family and pets. He has a lot of things to manage on his own and is very much focused on life responsibilities. He has an intense work load and added stresses at work that keep his mind occupied. I love him very much and he verbally expresses he loves me almost daily. He is very good at reaching out during the day with an email, text or a call.
I work from home and focus on domestic and creative activities I enjoy, which he verbally expresses he appreciates and enjoys. This is to say that I occupy my time with interesting things and keep my mind active. l I don't know if I just expect too much and am also being unreasonable with my level of desires. Thoughtful actions and verbal affirmations are how I feel most loved and appreciated. I didn't realize I was making my partner feel bad, and likely defensive, with my reference to thoughtful things other people did for others and deliberate gentle hints about the things I'd wish he'd share, buy for me or do with me. These range from taking care of technical things and repairs to flowers, food, small gifts and physical contact. He brought it to my attention and I felt terrible not appreciating all the wonderful things he already does do with me and for me. I usually express and acknowledge when he does things that touch me and I find to be very thoughtful, but I think it may have come off as insincere. He expressed feeling as though I gave him a lot of credit for small insignificant things that I asked him for and therefore not try as hard. He also felt I was treating him like a child and trying to train him. So I put it out there for some harsh criticism on me and some excellent ideas on how to ask for what I desire.