Christians, why do you have to be so happy and self-actualized?
March 14, 2012 3:33 AM Subscribe
Am I a jealous fool or a conniver's tool?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (32 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
I am writing this post to try and sort out how I feel towards someone I see on a regular basis due to school. anonymous for obvious reasons.
This classmate is a very successful person: she's very confident, extroverted, good-looking and has many fulfilling pursuits that she practices often. She's more than an acquaintance, I guess I would say she is a new friend. Because we are in the same small program, we will be seeing each other frequently for the next few years.
I am trying to understand whether my feelings of annoyance are founded on my own jealousy and insecurity or whether I have legitimate reasons for feeling the way I do.
Things she does that bother me:
- Talking loudly and openly about her achievements and projects
- Any time I have introduced her to a (long -time) friend, she begins to act as if she, too is very close with that friend (adding them on facebook, hugging when we meet up, etc).
After she meets a friend of mine, she'll refer to that person as her own "friend"
- Taking on jobs for which she has no knowledge or qualification, but succeeding at them anyway through sheer confidence (I admit this one makes me sound purely jealous)
- Name-dropping about people she vaguely knows
- Talking about future projects she dreams of doing
- Never getting mad at anyone.
Now in my mind, these things are only half of the story. The thing is, this girl is an avid Christian, and generally has a view of the world which sees everything as "amazing" and "awesome". So, I can't help but think sometimes that these behaviors are true expressions of agapic love. So then I begin to feel guilty for my annoyance when she "takes my friends for her own" because isn't she just displaying the principle of agapic love? Or is there something darker behind it?
Is it just a question of my own introversion vs her extroversion (I don't like bragging about myself, and I am far too shy to call someone I just met a "friend")? Or is she a very powerful and confident person who is crafty on the inside but sweet on the outside? Using everyone she meets to increase her own (already large) social capital?
1) If a person is highly self-actualized, are they usually annoying about it? Or more humble?
2) How do I reconcile my feelings of jealousy towards her if she is acting based upon high moral principles which I do not necessarily share? How do I stop myself from feeling inadequate due to my inability and lack of belief in agapic love?