I was raised broke and I'm afraid of professionalism.
March 5, 2012 6:51 PM Subscribe
I was raised broke and I'm afraid of professionalism.
I'm a first-generation college student about to graduate from a Top 10 university this spring. I'm excited, but I have no further plans-- no grad school admission, no jobs lined up. For a long time I've been tossing back and forth various ideas. The two major things I'm interested in are graduate school (in the humanities) and law school. The third option is moving back home, because I miss my (very tightly-knit) family, and I'm literally the first person to move more than 50 miles away for generations.
The thing is, I'm much more inclined to accept "moving home" as the best option because I'm terrified of professionalism. I was raised by a large working class family in a very small town and had no role models with professional careers (then or now!). Most of my role models were great teachers who were scraping by, or family members who were wise or kind, or down-on-their-luck artists and musicians who were great people but generally mirrored my working class existence.
I've only recently realized that my fear of success is directly related to my veneration of people (who I dearly love) from within my community. My only "complete" idea of a good life revolves around making things work out under threadbare conditions. It's not that I look down on success, but that I feel like I don't know how--can't visualize how-- to be successful (even middle-class) and a good person.
This sounds ridiculous, but it's completely true. I don't know what middle-class (and above) people do with their money. I don't know how they treat other people or what they teach their kids. I don't understand their attitudes about education or travel or distance. I know we're all human, but I've spent a lot of energy at school learning the language of another class, and there's some persistent anxiety that accompanies that.
Does this make sense? Intellectually I know that if I were interested in (for instance) law school, I'd have to take it one step at a time. But visualization is so important when making goals, and I'm discouraged by how readily my classmates can visualize their futures, thanks to growing up within a middle-class/upper-middle-class discourse. I thought that by graduation I would have worked these issues out, but I still feel extremely weird. My first year in college I was pretty obsessed with essays like this one (and this book in particular), but understanding and action are two different things. How can I quit being afraid of being a professional, so that I can choose goals as individual instead of through fear/fate? My distrust of money and discomfort outside of working class situations runs deep.
I'm a first-generation college student about to graduate from a Top 10 university this spring. I'm excited, but I have no further plans-- no grad school admission, no jobs lined up. For a long time I've been tossing back and forth various ideas. The two major things I'm interested in are graduate school (in the humanities) and law school. The third option is moving back home, because I miss my (very tightly-knit) family, and I'm literally the first person to move more than 50 miles away for generations.
The thing is, I'm much more inclined to accept "moving home" as the best option because I'm terrified of professionalism. I was raised by a large working class family in a very small town and had no role models with professional careers (then or now!). Most of my role models were great teachers who were scraping by, or family members who were wise or kind, or down-on-their-luck artists and musicians who were great people but generally mirrored my working class existence.
I've only recently realized that my fear of success is directly related to my veneration of people (who I dearly love) from within my community. My only "complete" idea of a good life revolves around making things work out under threadbare conditions. It's not that I look down on success, but that I feel like I don't know how--can't visualize how-- to be successful (even middle-class) and a good person.
This sounds ridiculous, but it's completely true. I don't know what middle-class (and above) people do with their money. I don't know how they treat other people or what they teach their kids. I don't understand their attitudes about education or travel or distance. I know we're all human, but I've spent a lot of energy at school learning the language of another class, and there's some persistent anxiety that accompanies that.
Does this make sense? Intellectually I know that if I were interested in (for instance) law school, I'd have to take it one step at a time. But visualization is so important when making goals, and I'm discouraged by how readily my classmates can visualize their futures, thanks to growing up within a middle-class/upper-middle-class discourse. I thought that by graduation I would have worked these issues out, but I still feel extremely weird. My first year in college I was pretty obsessed with essays like this one (and this book in particular), but understanding and action are two different things. How can I quit being afraid of being a professional, so that I can choose goals as individual instead of through fear/fate? My distrust of money and discomfort outside of working class situations runs deep.
Oh honey. Hugs.
Your options aren't moving home, grad school in the humanities, and law school. Grad school and law school are not great options nowadays. There aren't enough jobs in either of those fields.
What's your major? Can you get into an internship NOW to learn more about how the working world works?
posted by k8t at 6:56 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
Your options aren't moving home, grad school in the humanities, and law school. Grad school and law school are not great options nowadays. There aren't enough jobs in either of those fields.
What's your major? Can you get into an internship NOW to learn more about how the working world works?
posted by k8t at 6:56 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
You may want to do a little reading here before deciding on law school.
posted by telstar at 7:08 PM on March 5, 2012
posted by telstar at 7:08 PM on March 5, 2012
Best answer: I really relate to your post. I didn't go to graduate school right after college, even though I would have really loved it, because the path was just obscure to me. I didn't really know what it was or was for and I didn't think it applied to me. I really regret it now that I'm back getting that humanities degree in my 40s - glad to finally be here, but sad I didn't just jump in.
The thing you will consistently find is that the shiny glossy world of middle-class and upward people who inhabit these graduate-school and professional realms actually contain a LOT of people just like you. It will surprise you - but you're passing, and so do they. Don't feel as though you'll be out of your environment forever. This is your environment, and you will find a lot of people from a similar background who scrabbled their way into what they do today.
The wisdom and perspective you've gained by coming from a humble background are total treasures. You'll find you have opportunities in life to speak with a passion and knowledge about certain issues and experiences which some of your peers will be unable to provide. It's an asset. Think about your ancestors - I do this all the time. Why did they come to America, separate families, work multiple jobs, skip meals, wear hand-me-downs, walk long distances and drive old cars if not so I could do what I do? It would make them break down in tears. Do what you want, and do it in their name, because you are on their shoulders. And unlike many others, you know it, and can do something really good and powerful with that knowledge. Whatever that may be.
posted by Miko at 7:12 PM on March 5, 2012 [27 favorites]
The thing you will consistently find is that the shiny glossy world of middle-class and upward people who inhabit these graduate-school and professional realms actually contain a LOT of people just like you. It will surprise you - but you're passing, and so do they. Don't feel as though you'll be out of your environment forever. This is your environment, and you will find a lot of people from a similar background who scrabbled their way into what they do today.
The wisdom and perspective you've gained by coming from a humble background are total treasures. You'll find you have opportunities in life to speak with a passion and knowledge about certain issues and experiences which some of your peers will be unable to provide. It's an asset. Think about your ancestors - I do this all the time. Why did they come to America, separate families, work multiple jobs, skip meals, wear hand-me-downs, walk long distances and drive old cars if not so I could do what I do? It would make them break down in tears. Do what you want, and do it in their name, because you are on their shoulders. And unlike many others, you know it, and can do something really good and powerful with that knowledge. Whatever that may be.
posted by Miko at 7:12 PM on March 5, 2012 [27 favorites]
You can do it!
No, really you can. You just have to keep focused and not allow inertia or "easyness" suck you in. What are your interests? What kind of jobs seem interesting? You should really go talk to your college's Career Services people. Even if they seem lame (which is what I mistakenly thought in college), they can really help you. I'm sure they're used to working with students who come from different class backgrounds. If you have any professors you like, go to office hours and talk with them about your post graduation plans - or more to the point, your uncertainty going forward. They will be able to help you, and I'm sure most of them WANT to help you! That's why they're professors and Career Services people - they want to help people like you.
Re-reading your question, I know the class thing seems like a big deal, and I don't want to diminish it for you, but you can find your own way in the world. The things you worry about not knowing how "they" do it - no one has a script - we all make our own decisions about those things. It's OK to do things differently - honestly most people won't care what you do one way or another. Which is freeing.
I find with big-deal things that taking it one step at a time is really true. Each individual step is so much less overwhelming than the entirety of the plan at once. I think your step right now is to talk to potential mentors such as professors and Career Services people and work with them to develop goals for your post-college life. They will help you develop your resume, find jobs to apply for, and then eventually you will get a job and start working and figure it out as you go, like we all do.
I really think you should push to find a job away from your home town - doesn't have to be far, but don't just go back because it's easy. I think you should NOT consider graduate education at this time, but rather work for a bit and get comfortable with your college-educated self. You've EARNED this - you've made it though a great college and you can compete with a bunch of WASP-y bluebloods now. Don't sell yourself short.
posted by annie o at 7:14 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
No, really you can. You just have to keep focused and not allow inertia or "easyness" suck you in. What are your interests? What kind of jobs seem interesting? You should really go talk to your college's Career Services people. Even if they seem lame (which is what I mistakenly thought in college), they can really help you. I'm sure they're used to working with students who come from different class backgrounds. If you have any professors you like, go to office hours and talk with them about your post graduation plans - or more to the point, your uncertainty going forward. They will be able to help you, and I'm sure most of them WANT to help you! That's why they're professors and Career Services people - they want to help people like you.
Re-reading your question, I know the class thing seems like a big deal, and I don't want to diminish it for you, but you can find your own way in the world. The things you worry about not knowing how "they" do it - no one has a script - we all make our own decisions about those things. It's OK to do things differently - honestly most people won't care what you do one way or another. Which is freeing.
I find with big-deal things that taking it one step at a time is really true. Each individual step is so much less overwhelming than the entirety of the plan at once. I think your step right now is to talk to potential mentors such as professors and Career Services people and work with them to develop goals for your post-college life. They will help you develop your resume, find jobs to apply for, and then eventually you will get a job and start working and figure it out as you go, like we all do.
I really think you should push to find a job away from your home town - doesn't have to be far, but don't just go back because it's easy. I think you should NOT consider graduate education at this time, but rather work for a bit and get comfortable with your college-educated self. You've EARNED this - you've made it though a great college and you can compete with a bunch of WASP-y bluebloods now. Don't sell yourself short.
posted by annie o at 7:14 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
Also, a lot of those people who appear to have clear goals now really fizzle out in their 20s and 30s -- they get married and stop working, have kids and stop working, go into business consulting or computers eventually, yadda yadda yadda. If there's one thing a middle class upbringing teaches people, it's how to talk the talk even if you have no idea whether what you're talking about doing is really an authentic choice for you. Don't pay that any mind. A lot of people just put one foot in front of the other without having a huge goal structure behind it. You don't need it yet. If you want to go to grad school, your first few courses are going to be all about wide exposure, and you'll notice a few things you're interested in, and pursue those, and the only major decision you'll need to make in the first two years is about thesis work, and that will come together as you get more exposed to things. Start considering it a bonus, not a detriment, that you don't have a lockstep life path all planned out. You are actually still learning, while other people have already begun shutting down.
You don't need to know what's at the end of the path - just what next step is most interesting for you to take.
Does your school have grad school counseling in the career services office? I found it really helpful and demystifying, and I'd encourage you to go speak to the counselor - the most experienced/oldest one you can find - and say just what you're saying here.
posted by Miko at 7:18 PM on March 5, 2012 [6 favorites]
You don't need to know what's at the end of the path - just what next step is most interesting for you to take.
Does your school have grad school counseling in the career services office? I found it really helpful and demystifying, and I'd encourage you to go speak to the counselor - the most experienced/oldest one you can find - and say just what you're saying here.
posted by Miko at 7:18 PM on March 5, 2012 [6 favorites]
I hear what you're saying.
First:
Humanities grad school and law school aren't great options.
That aside...
Do you have any friends or acquaintances you can observe to see what they're doing or planning on? You are at a top 10 school, so you're surrounded by thousands of people who grew up in a completely different environment than you did, and you should see what they're doing and planning on to get an idea of what's out there.
I didn't grow up anything close to working class, but I did grow up with very little concept about what college-educated people "did" outside of being a lawyer, doctor, engineer, or scientist. I kind of wish I had picked the brains of my classmates and recent grads to find out what exactly they were doing and where they were going when they interviewed for consulting and finance jobs, among other things. It would have been really eye-opening.
On preview:
I think your step right now is to talk to potential mentors such as professors and Career Services people and work with them to develop goals for your post-college life.
This. This, this, this.
Also, to answer your other question:
I don't know what middle-class (and above) people do with their money.
Their home mortgages. Home renovations.
posted by deanc at 7:20 PM on March 5, 2012
First:
Humanities grad school and law school aren't great options.
That aside...
Do you have any friends or acquaintances you can observe to see what they're doing or planning on? You are at a top 10 school, so you're surrounded by thousands of people who grew up in a completely different environment than you did, and you should see what they're doing and planning on to get an idea of what's out there.
I didn't grow up anything close to working class, but I did grow up with very little concept about what college-educated people "did" outside of being a lawyer, doctor, engineer, or scientist. I kind of wish I had picked the brains of my classmates and recent grads to find out what exactly they were doing and where they were going when they interviewed for consulting and finance jobs, among other things. It would have been really eye-opening.
On preview:
I think your step right now is to talk to potential mentors such as professors and Career Services people and work with them to develop goals for your post-college life.
This. This, this, this.
Also, to answer your other question:
I don't know what middle-class (and above) people do with their money.
Their home mortgages. Home renovations.
posted by deanc at 7:20 PM on March 5, 2012
This sounds ridiculous, but it's completely true.
It's not ridiculous at all. In fact it's probably a lot more common that you'd believe. There have been quite a few threads here on MeFi about the lessons and ingrained assumptions that come from growing up poor. The good news is that you're already aware of some of them.
I really don't have anything constructive to add beyond pointing out that you're neither alone nor being ridiculous, and this is also not an insurmountable problem.
posted by lekvar at 7:21 PM on March 5, 2012
It's not ridiculous at all. In fact it's probably a lot more common that you'd believe. There have been quite a few threads here on MeFi about the lessons and ingrained assumptions that come from growing up poor. The good news is that you're already aware of some of them.
I really don't have anything constructive to add beyond pointing out that you're neither alone nor being ridiculous, and this is also not an insurmountable problem.
posted by lekvar at 7:21 PM on March 5, 2012
This sounds ridiculous, but it's completely true. I don't know what middle-class (and above) people do with their money. I don't know how they treat other people or what they teach their kids. I don't understand their attitudes about education or travel or distance. I know we're all human, but I've spent a lot of energy at school learning the language of another class, and there's some persistent anxiety that accompanies that.
Does this make sense?
Oh, does it ever! BTDT, but my tee shirt has faded quite a bit, fortunately.
The wisdom and perspective you've gained by coming from a humble background are total treasures. You'll find you have opportunities in life to speak with a passion and knowledge about certain issues and experiences which some of your peers will be unable to provide. It's an asset. Think about your ancestors - I do this all the time. Why did they come to America, separate families, work multiple jobs, skip meals, wear hand-me-downs, walk long distances and drive old cars if not so I could do what I do? It would make them break down in tears. Do what you want, and do it in their name, because you are on their shoulders. And unlike many others, you know it, and can do something really good and powerful with that knowledge.
As always, Miko nails it. It's why I work so hard on genealogy. My siblings and I have come a long, long way from where we came from, one of us has kinda jumped several classes in one leap, one is still blue collar and in his "spare" time literally saves lives, and another (me) has been present and part of historic occasions, but our origins shaped us and led us there. We worked our asses off, still do, and learned it as we went along. Now that I think about it that's what our long, long ago immigrant ancestors did, too.
posted by jgirl at 7:23 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Does this make sense?
Oh, does it ever! BTDT, but my tee shirt has faded quite a bit, fortunately.
The wisdom and perspective you've gained by coming from a humble background are total treasures. You'll find you have opportunities in life to speak with a passion and knowledge about certain issues and experiences which some of your peers will be unable to provide. It's an asset. Think about your ancestors - I do this all the time. Why did they come to America, separate families, work multiple jobs, skip meals, wear hand-me-downs, walk long distances and drive old cars if not so I could do what I do? It would make them break down in tears. Do what you want, and do it in their name, because you are on their shoulders. And unlike many others, you know it, and can do something really good and powerful with that knowledge.
As always, Miko nails it. It's why I work so hard on genealogy. My siblings and I have come a long, long way from where we came from, one of us has kinda jumped several classes in one leap, one is still blue collar and in his "spare" time literally saves lives, and another (me) has been present and part of historic occasions, but our origins shaped us and led us there. We worked our asses off, still do, and learned it as we went along. Now that I think about it that's what our long, long ago immigrant ancestors did, too.
posted by jgirl at 7:23 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Deep breath! You don't have to figure your whole future at one go.
I would, very gently, suggest you may just be overthinking this a tad.
Nobody, even folks from privileged backgrounds with college funds and European vacations, feels like they have a handle on their future at this age. If they do, they are totally faking it.
While my situation is not quite the same, I am the daughter of mechanic who openly disdained higher education. I grew up with pretty big attitude towards my friends from "better" backgrounds with well-educated parents.
And I here I go in my late 30s back to get a PhD... life is funny and strange.
Just take the next step, as others have posted above. You don't have to take ALL OF THEM right now. Talk to some mentors or counselors. Find a goal for this next year, not forever.
Moving home for a bit to get your bearings and find a job is fine. Grad school will still be there. You can do this.
posted by pantarei70 at 7:30 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
I would, very gently, suggest you may just be overthinking this a tad.
Nobody, even folks from privileged backgrounds with college funds and European vacations, feels like they have a handle on their future at this age. If they do, they are totally faking it.
While my situation is not quite the same, I am the daughter of mechanic who openly disdained higher education. I grew up with pretty big attitude towards my friends from "better" backgrounds with well-educated parents.
And I here I go in my late 30s back to get a PhD... life is funny and strange.
Just take the next step, as others have posted above. You don't have to take ALL OF THEM right now. Talk to some mentors or counselors. Find a goal for this next year, not forever.
Moving home for a bit to get your bearings and find a job is fine. Grad school will still be there. You can do this.
posted by pantarei70 at 7:30 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
People in grad school in the humanities or law school are not necessarily "professionals." The truth of of being a grad student is that it is basically like being a blue collar worker for the university...
You don't have to be someone else's idea of happy or successful. Just focus on being you.
posted by kettleoffish at 7:38 PM on March 5, 2012 [7 favorites]
You don't have to be someone else's idea of happy or successful. Just focus on being you.
posted by kettleoffish at 7:38 PM on March 5, 2012 [7 favorites]
Best answer: "This sounds ridiculous, but it's completely true."
This is not even a little ridiculous. I had a professor who grew up in a coal mining community and he was the first to leave his community for college, and he was 60 or so when I worked with him, and it was still something he talked a lot about, the dislocation of becoming an academic instead of working in the coal mine. In the place of honor on his wall was not any of his many diplomas but his miner's card. I know another guy, the managing partner at a white-shoe law firm, who grew up in a blue-collar family and worked his way through college and law school in a foundry. He acts a little bit crazy because he, in his late 50s, still isn't totally comfortable in his VERY WEALTHY skin.
I think people are dismissing a little bit how very real this discomfort is and how much energy goes into learning to exist in another class than the one you grew up in. Is there a mentor or someone you trust you can talk about this with? Does your school have a "first generation to college" program? Can you (I know this is awkward) ask your friends to discuss it with you? (If there's one thing upper-middle-class kids love, it's talking about class because they're too self-conscious of class taboos to get to do it very often!) I think a good step on the road to being able to visualize your professional future is to have these conversations. It also may help to know that their 20s are hazy for a lot of upper-middle-class kids; they've been strictly programmed their whole lives to get good grades, go to a good school, do something-or-other, and come out in their 30s with a professional job and a relatively stable homelife. A LOT of them flail and quarter-life-crisis their way through their 20s. They're having different discomforts than you are, but a lot of them don't quite know how to get to professionalism either.
You made me think of the book "In Good Company" by this guy, which is actually mostly about leaving corporate America to become a Jesuit, but at the beginning he talks a little about learning how to BE a professional in corporate America (mostly from his prep-school-esque roommate, IIRC). I know there are other memoir-type books about just the discomfort you're experiencing (I hope others will think of some good titles); printed "mentors" can help too.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:13 PM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
This is not even a little ridiculous. I had a professor who grew up in a coal mining community and he was the first to leave his community for college, and he was 60 or so when I worked with him, and it was still something he talked a lot about, the dislocation of becoming an academic instead of working in the coal mine. In the place of honor on his wall was not any of his many diplomas but his miner's card. I know another guy, the managing partner at a white-shoe law firm, who grew up in a blue-collar family and worked his way through college and law school in a foundry. He acts a little bit crazy because he, in his late 50s, still isn't totally comfortable in his VERY WEALTHY skin.
I think people are dismissing a little bit how very real this discomfort is and how much energy goes into learning to exist in another class than the one you grew up in. Is there a mentor or someone you trust you can talk about this with? Does your school have a "first generation to college" program? Can you (I know this is awkward) ask your friends to discuss it with you? (If there's one thing upper-middle-class kids love, it's talking about class because they're too self-conscious of class taboos to get to do it very often!) I think a good step on the road to being able to visualize your professional future is to have these conversations. It also may help to know that their 20s are hazy for a lot of upper-middle-class kids; they've been strictly programmed their whole lives to get good grades, go to a good school, do something-or-other, and come out in their 30s with a professional job and a relatively stable homelife. A LOT of them flail and quarter-life-crisis their way through their 20s. They're having different discomforts than you are, but a lot of them don't quite know how to get to professionalism either.
You made me think of the book "In Good Company" by this guy, which is actually mostly about leaving corporate America to become a Jesuit, but at the beginning he talks a little about learning how to BE a professional in corporate America (mostly from his prep-school-esque roommate, IIRC). I know there are other memoir-type books about just the discomfort you're experiencing (I hope others will think of some good titles); printed "mentors" can help too.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:13 PM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]
I feel like I [...]--can't visualize how-- to be successful [...] and a good person.
This sentence of yours got me thinking. One thing that seems to stand out with "good" "successful" people is that their success is a means, not an end.
So perhaps, sit down really think about your values and what you feel your mentors taught you to do in life. Take this education that you have and then apply it towards furthering those goals that put those values into action.
posted by FatRabbit at 8:23 PM on March 5, 2012
This sentence of yours got me thinking. One thing that seems to stand out with "good" "successful" people is that their success is a means, not an end.
So perhaps, sit down really think about your values and what you feel your mentors taught you to do in life. Take this education that you have and then apply it towards furthering those goals that put those values into action.
posted by FatRabbit at 8:23 PM on March 5, 2012
Best answer: These are some book suggestions that occurred to me while reading your question:
This Fine Place So Far from Home: Voices of Academics from the Working Class
The book collects autobiographical essays from academics who came from working class backgrounds and were usually first-generation college students. It's a bit old (the book came out in 1995), but it should give you an idea of what it was like to go to graduate school coming from their backgrounds.
Limbo: Blue-Collar Roots, White-Collar Dreams
The book collects stories from people who made the transition from blue collar backgrounds to white collar professional careers. All the people interviewed in the book went through the struggle you are describing, including the fear of leaving behind and not being able return to one's roots by making the transition to professional careers unlike their families'.
posted by needled at 8:27 PM on March 5, 2012 [8 favorites]
This Fine Place So Far from Home: Voices of Academics from the Working Class
The book collects autobiographical essays from academics who came from working class backgrounds and were usually first-generation college students. It's a bit old (the book came out in 1995), but it should give you an idea of what it was like to go to graduate school coming from their backgrounds.
Limbo: Blue-Collar Roots, White-Collar Dreams
The book collects stories from people who made the transition from blue collar backgrounds to white collar professional careers. All the people interviewed in the book went through the struggle you are describing, including the fear of leaving behind and not being able return to one's roots by making the transition to professional careers unlike their families'.
posted by needled at 8:27 PM on March 5, 2012 [8 favorites]
I came to post needled's link, but I think there is still a 3rd book written by a woman on this topic, but I can't remember any specifics.
Personally, I vote for internships as a stepping stone, but a paid gig in an office/workplace that you admire or intrigues you is even better. Getting out into the work world is what it takes to see how different kinds of college grads spend their time.
It also occurs to me that I should say that I was the daughter of 2 academics, and I don't think I managed my post-secondary education well because I thought I knew more than I did. Dinner time
conversation about arcane University senate disputes and/or budgets do not inform youth in plotting a modern future. (shocking, but true)
Go talk to your career centre, do as much of their training/workshops as you can and try to set up some phone calls or coffee chats with willing alumni 3-8 yeas out of school who are doing things that sound interesting to you.
A job near but not with your family would seem ideal. You want to keep the things you value from both communities, I would expect. :)
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 8:49 PM on March 5, 2012
Personally, I vote for internships as a stepping stone, but a paid gig in an office/workplace that you admire or intrigues you is even better. Getting out into the work world is what it takes to see how different kinds of college grads spend their time.
It also occurs to me that I should say that I was the daughter of 2 academics, and I don't think I managed my post-secondary education well because I thought I knew more than I did. Dinner time
conversation about arcane University senate disputes and/or budgets do not inform youth in plotting a modern future. (shocking, but true)
Go talk to your career centre, do as much of their training/workshops as you can and try to set up some phone calls or coffee chats with willing alumni 3-8 yeas out of school who are doing things that sound interesting to you.
A job near but not with your family would seem ideal. You want to keep the things you value from both communities, I would expect. :)
posted by Heart_on_Sleeve at 8:49 PM on March 5, 2012
Best answer: Are you concerned about putting some barrier /distance between you and your family roots? If you become a Phd., JD, etc.: That you will some how exclude yourself from your family and your heritage (in your mind) by lifting your social position? That with the additional education you will no longer be one of them?
If you have a real interest in the subject and are realistic about the financial aspects grad school or law school might be a great place for you. I worked in a regulatory area for 15 years and decided to go to law school so that I could get a better understanding of what I was doing and also because about half my grandfathers and uncles were lawyers. I'd always enjoyed talking to them, witnessing their discussions on the subject and visiting the ones that were judges at court. . I went to law school with no real plans to practice after graduation or for increased pay. I enjoyed law school but not so much the idea of being a full time lawyer, I graduated, passed the bar, continued with my old job and do some simple pro bono work at a legal aid clinic some weekends, I went to a lower 2nd tier school and came out with about $25K in debt (graduated 1997). I enjoyed the experience although it was, in ways, brutal but not extremely stressful which may have been because I never really saw it as a gate way to bigger things - I wasn't looking for a new job..
I was blessed to be surrounded by relatives who were the best tree farmers you could be, rail road engineers, West Point , Yale, Tulane grads and some good old boys who painted houses or did roofing - nearly every one honorable.
Grounded decent middles class, upper middle class people treat people the same way that decent less than middle class people do - they all act honorably. (what do the call it? I may have personalized this a bit)
posted by Carbolic at 9:05 PM on March 5, 2012
If you have a real interest in the subject and are realistic about the financial aspects grad school or law school might be a great place for you. I worked in a regulatory area for 15 years and decided to go to law school so that I could get a better understanding of what I was doing and also because about half my grandfathers and uncles were lawyers. I'd always enjoyed talking to them, witnessing their discussions on the subject and visiting the ones that were judges at court. . I went to law school with no real plans to practice after graduation or for increased pay. I enjoyed law school but not so much the idea of being a full time lawyer, I graduated, passed the bar, continued with my old job and do some simple pro bono work at a legal aid clinic some weekends, I went to a lower 2nd tier school and came out with about $25K in debt (graduated 1997). I enjoyed the experience although it was, in ways, brutal but not extremely stressful which may have been because I never really saw it as a gate way to bigger things - I wasn't looking for a new job..
I was blessed to be surrounded by relatives who were the best tree farmers you could be, rail road engineers, West Point , Yale, Tulane grads and some good old boys who painted houses or did roofing - nearly every one honorable.
Grounded decent middles class, upper middle class people treat people the same way that decent less than middle class people do - they all act honorably. (what do the call it? I may have personalized this a bit)
posted by Carbolic at 9:05 PM on March 5, 2012
I just wanted to say that I really relate to what you have said here, including the feeling that it is a little ridiculous -- as though I should be able to PUSH past what seems like a small, self-perpetuated difficulty and just do what I need to do what society tells me to do anything.
My experience comes from really appreciating the authenticity of lower class people (my perception, not necessarily reality) and being part of the "poor relations" in a more economically successful extended family. I believe we needed to develop a certain kind of pride just to get by in tough situations, but it doesn't serve me well when in a world that is less tooth-and-nail in a materialistic sense. Later, I realized that being biased against wealth/wealthy people is just on the same spectrum as being biased against poverty/poor people. True freedom is being unattached from either state.
I guess my answer right now is just to ask yourself the same questions about each decision. You're smart enough to give yourself a gut check. "Am I doing this because it will help me grow and I want to, or because it is easy and less scary than the alternative?" "When my relatives dreamed of creating a future for their children, is this what it looked like?"
posted by ramenopres at 9:37 PM on March 5, 2012
My experience comes from really appreciating the authenticity of lower class people (my perception, not necessarily reality) and being part of the "poor relations" in a more economically successful extended family. I believe we needed to develop a certain kind of pride just to get by in tough situations, but it doesn't serve me well when in a world that is less tooth-and-nail in a materialistic sense. Later, I realized that being biased against wealth/wealthy people is just on the same spectrum as being biased against poverty/poor people. True freedom is being unattached from either state.
I guess my answer right now is just to ask yourself the same questions about each decision. You're smart enough to give yourself a gut check. "Am I doing this because it will help me grow and I want to, or because it is easy and less scary than the alternative?" "When my relatives dreamed of creating a future for their children, is this what it looked like?"
posted by ramenopres at 9:37 PM on March 5, 2012
Best answer: "Humanities grad school and law school aren't great options."
I disagree. If you can get into a fully-funded PhD program you can basically think of it as a free MA. I'm definitely down on doing a full-on PhD (especially if you aren't getting funded), but a few years of grad. school can get you a) teaching experience (again, you'll probably only get this if you're fully funded) b) connections c) random thingies (to my surprise, I got paid a little bit of money to write music reviews and do some library-sciencey things that look good on my resume) and d) a piece of paper that actually will set you above your peers who only have four year degrees.
Will it solve your larger issues? No, but if you've got good grades spending a few years getting an MA (again, don't pay for it) isn't a bad idea at all.
posted by bardic at 10:47 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
I disagree. If you can get into a fully-funded PhD program you can basically think of it as a free MA. I'm definitely down on doing a full-on PhD (especially if you aren't getting funded), but a few years of grad. school can get you a) teaching experience (again, you'll probably only get this if you're fully funded) b) connections c) random thingies (to my surprise, I got paid a little bit of money to write music reviews and do some library-sciencey things that look good on my resume) and d) a piece of paper that actually will set you above your peers who only have four year degrees.
Will it solve your larger issues? No, but if you've got good grades spending a few years getting an MA (again, don't pay for it) isn't a bad idea at all.
posted by bardic at 10:47 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'm in your shoes and had a partner at the time who was from an upper middle-class background. This helped me enormously as I suffered from "Impostor syndrome" which he simply refused to accept.
obviously take advice from a careers serrvice but find a friend you admire from the background you identify as other and ask them to chat about what they percieve your strengths to be, NOT what they think your should do with your life. See if anything about what they say triggers, "yes, I'm really good at that" or "yes, I'm really interested in doing more of this". There is nothing wrong with extending your study until you find the thing that makes you passionate. And once you discover something or several somethings, act as if that is what you deserve, people sometimes call it "Fake it till you make it" and that's actually quite accurate, I didn't believe enough in myself in this new enviornment ans so the technique helped.
Another thing that helped was the utter pride my family took in coming to the ceremonies like Graduation, or the reflected glory they felt at each of my "firsts". I found a means of conveying what I was doing regularly in a way that didn't sound boastful, cos if there's one thing a working class Irish matriarch can do, is cut you down to size! I asked for their advice along the way even if I couldn't always take theirs or even when they really didn't understand some of the choices I made.
But more than anything else what helped was the slow realisation that I am separate from them, with all the bittersweet implications. it's both freeing and terrifying at the same time but it is an essential step that I think you're still in the process of making. NOTHING about what you decide to do next is a rejection of your family or background, and you will be failing yourself and everyone who has gone before you to make this possible if you choose the "safe" option.
Dream yourself a future. Its all possible, however scarey that sounds right now, or lacking in implemetation detail, you first have to dream it. The details are the easy part.
posted by Wilder at 3:12 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
obviously take advice from a careers serrvice but find a friend you admire from the background you identify as other and ask them to chat about what they percieve your strengths to be, NOT what they think your should do with your life. See if anything about what they say triggers, "yes, I'm really good at that" or "yes, I'm really interested in doing more of this". There is nothing wrong with extending your study until you find the thing that makes you passionate. And once you discover something or several somethings, act as if that is what you deserve, people sometimes call it "Fake it till you make it" and that's actually quite accurate, I didn't believe enough in myself in this new enviornment ans so the technique helped.
Another thing that helped was the utter pride my family took in coming to the ceremonies like Graduation, or the reflected glory they felt at each of my "firsts". I found a means of conveying what I was doing regularly in a way that didn't sound boastful, cos if there's one thing a working class Irish matriarch can do, is cut you down to size! I asked for their advice along the way even if I couldn't always take theirs or even when they really didn't understand some of the choices I made.
But more than anything else what helped was the slow realisation that I am separate from them, with all the bittersweet implications. it's both freeing and terrifying at the same time but it is an essential step that I think you're still in the process of making. NOTHING about what you decide to do next is a rejection of your family or background, and you will be failing yourself and everyone who has gone before you to make this possible if you choose the "safe" option.
Dream yourself a future. Its all possible, however scarey that sounds right now, or lacking in implemetation detail, you first have to dream it. The details are the easy part.
posted by Wilder at 3:12 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I still wish I had had a better sense of what career options were available to me and what I could do with them when I was your age and younger. Most of my role models were teachers, electricians, carpenters, etc. Other than teachers I knew very few college-educated people making a living with their knowledge.
You can give the professional world a shot and if you truly don't like it you can do something different.
Grad school might not be the way to go right now. I like the advice above to get a job in a field that interests you and see how it goes. Keep an eye out for potential mentors.
Money can be scary. If you are worried about what to do with more than you are used to, chuck it into a savings account and forget about it for a few years.
posted by bunderful at 4:37 AM on March 6, 2012
You can give the professional world a shot and if you truly don't like it you can do something different.
Grad school might not be the way to go right now. I like the advice above to get a job in a field that interests you and see how it goes. Keep an eye out for potential mentors.
Money can be scary. If you are worried about what to do with more than you are used to, chuck it into a savings account and forget about it for a few years.
posted by bunderful at 4:37 AM on March 6, 2012
Best answer: I also disagree that a "humanties degree" (that's a big bucket) is a bad path. It's not always, or even most of the time, a road to a career in academia. There are loads of things you can do with this training. If you're not even sure what area you want to study, though, it's fine to take a few years off and work at something else. Just be very wary, because here's what happened to me. As I said, I was not informed enough to know what I would have done with graduate school as I was finishing college, and I neglected to talk to a counselor about it, which could really have helped. I had received a scholarship to college which required me to do three years of teaching afterward, so I went into the three years of teaching thinking I would go back to school at some point when it made more sense, probably to get an MAT while I was enjoying my teaching career.
As it turned out I wasn't that enthralled with teaching and by the end of three years had learned about a new field of experiential and museum education, which I was really interested in. I started migrating to jobs in that field, and though I knew I could really use a master's in museum studies or a related humanities degree such as history or art history, by then I was supporting myself and simply could not afford to break away from my career and put myself through graduate school. I simply did not have the money, and as you know, family providing the money is not an option as it is for many people from more affluent backgrounds when they reach this crossroads. I was in a bind where I had to keep working, but my chosen work didn't pay enough for me to fund my own education, even part-time, and even if I got a free ride at grad school, I wouldn't have been able to support myself outside class (food, place to live) because I had no savings.
Soooo ultimately it took a long long time for me to get into a position where I had enough stability and a surplus income for tuition and access to a program I could get to and from and attend outside working hours, etc. I tell this story just so you can be wary of this bind. If you don't go to school right away, but spend some time in the working world, just watch your money. Don't go into debt at all, for any reason, and do your best to amass some savings. Savings equal choices. Don't tie yourself down to commitments like buying houses or signing long-term leases when you know you might want to attend grad school sometime in the future, because you'll need flexibility. Be careful about taking on things like big car loans with monthly payments, getting pets, etc. as these will create logistical and financial obligations you'll have to service for a long time to come. Don't count on any sources of money that you aren't producing yourself, though you may be lucky to find some funding for grad school it's very spotty and specialized. And if you take low-paying jobs that allow you to just get by, keep in mind that those may limit what else you are able to do. In the long run I feel it worked out OK for me - the lower-paying jobs were part of a path to leadership in my field and built up my experience and enabled me to climb the ladder to a reasonably professional position and salary. But it was a climb.
If I had had the opportunity to go right into graduate school, and had some inkling of what area I wanted to study there, I think it'd have been a good move for me. My winding path ended up being the tradeoff I needed to make in order to fund my college degree with teaching, so in the end it may have been my only real choice. I tell you all this just so you don't blithely think "I can go back to school later!" without realizing that it is quite difficult once you're working and supporting yourself and have a set of obligations to extract from all that and re-enter life as a self-funded student.
posted by Miko at 6:30 AM on March 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
As it turned out I wasn't that enthralled with teaching and by the end of three years had learned about a new field of experiential and museum education, which I was really interested in. I started migrating to jobs in that field, and though I knew I could really use a master's in museum studies or a related humanities degree such as history or art history, by then I was supporting myself and simply could not afford to break away from my career and put myself through graduate school. I simply did not have the money, and as you know, family providing the money is not an option as it is for many people from more affluent backgrounds when they reach this crossroads. I was in a bind where I had to keep working, but my chosen work didn't pay enough for me to fund my own education, even part-time, and even if I got a free ride at grad school, I wouldn't have been able to support myself outside class (food, place to live) because I had no savings.
Soooo ultimately it took a long long time for me to get into a position where I had enough stability and a surplus income for tuition and access to a program I could get to and from and attend outside working hours, etc. I tell this story just so you can be wary of this bind. If you don't go to school right away, but spend some time in the working world, just watch your money. Don't go into debt at all, for any reason, and do your best to amass some savings. Savings equal choices. Don't tie yourself down to commitments like buying houses or signing long-term leases when you know you might want to attend grad school sometime in the future, because you'll need flexibility. Be careful about taking on things like big car loans with monthly payments, getting pets, etc. as these will create logistical and financial obligations you'll have to service for a long time to come. Don't count on any sources of money that you aren't producing yourself, though you may be lucky to find some funding for grad school it's very spotty and specialized. And if you take low-paying jobs that allow you to just get by, keep in mind that those may limit what else you are able to do. In the long run I feel it worked out OK for me - the lower-paying jobs were part of a path to leadership in my field and built up my experience and enabled me to climb the ladder to a reasonably professional position and salary. But it was a climb.
If I had had the opportunity to go right into graduate school, and had some inkling of what area I wanted to study there, I think it'd have been a good move for me. My winding path ended up being the tradeoff I needed to make in order to fund my college degree with teaching, so in the end it may have been my only real choice. I tell you all this just so you don't blithely think "I can go back to school later!" without realizing that it is quite difficult once you're working and supporting yourself and have a set of obligations to extract from all that and re-enter life as a self-funded student.
posted by Miko at 6:30 AM on March 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
Best answer: You're not being ridiculous at all. I've been that kid - top ten school I stumbled into, moving through the "professional" world without guidance - and here's what I'll recommend after having observed middle, upper-middle, and upper class people and how they move through the world (my humanities degree was in anthro, so I like to put on my behavioral/cultural observation hat in these situations):
Entitlement, networking, and travel.
A little entitlement is actually a good thing in this case. The kids around you from these other classes may be faking it about how to lead these lives, but they absolutely believe they're entitled to them. You've worked very hard. Believe you deserve to be where you are, wherever that may be. They do, often whether they actually do or not. In that sense, yes, fake it.
Network. One of the things people rarely discuss when talking about the opportunities afforded by education is that it only goes about halfway, especially for those of us who are flying solo in this sense. Who you know will always be important in the professional world. Children born to middle class professionals have this advantage without ever realizing it, most of the time. Since you are surrounded by these kids now, be sure to actually use your association with them to your advantage. If you're considering law, ask a friend whose parents are lawyers about opportunities in their firm. You go home for a break with a friend whose family has connections in the field you're interested in, you go right ahead and ask them for guidance. Do not be afraid to ask people in a position to help you for their help. The worst that happens is they say no. The best? You get perspective or tips you didn't have before.
Travel. If you can afford it, or if you can secure an opportunity to work or research entirely outside of either of these two comfort zones (and even if you don't feel exactly comfortable as a poor person among the middle class, that can be a sort of comfortable fallback), do that. Sometimes the best thing you can do is shake up your sense of self and place completely. Surviving that whole new experience can give you the kind of confidence you need to know you can do whatever it is you ultimately decide.
posted by OompaLoompa at 7:28 AM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
Entitlement, networking, and travel.
A little entitlement is actually a good thing in this case. The kids around you from these other classes may be faking it about how to lead these lives, but they absolutely believe they're entitled to them. You've worked very hard. Believe you deserve to be where you are, wherever that may be. They do, often whether they actually do or not. In that sense, yes, fake it.
Network. One of the things people rarely discuss when talking about the opportunities afforded by education is that it only goes about halfway, especially for those of us who are flying solo in this sense. Who you know will always be important in the professional world. Children born to middle class professionals have this advantage without ever realizing it, most of the time. Since you are surrounded by these kids now, be sure to actually use your association with them to your advantage. If you're considering law, ask a friend whose parents are lawyers about opportunities in their firm. You go home for a break with a friend whose family has connections in the field you're interested in, you go right ahead and ask them for guidance. Do not be afraid to ask people in a position to help you for their help. The worst that happens is they say no. The best? You get perspective or tips you didn't have before.
Travel. If you can afford it, or if you can secure an opportunity to work or research entirely outside of either of these two comfort zones (and even if you don't feel exactly comfortable as a poor person among the middle class, that can be a sort of comfortable fallback), do that. Sometimes the best thing you can do is shake up your sense of self and place completely. Surviving that whole new experience can give you the kind of confidence you need to know you can do whatever it is you ultimately decide.
posted by OompaLoompa at 7:28 AM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
Seconding the suggestion to read Limbo. The transition from blue collar to professional class is emotionally charged. That book was worth a thousand hours in the therapists office for me.
posted by dgran at 8:40 AM on March 6, 2012
posted by dgran at 8:40 AM on March 6, 2012
I'm nthing suggestions for Limbo. It helped me understand a lot about difficult feelings I'd grappled with for years. One thing I would say is that not having any kind of prescribed path is very liberating - it's been odd to watch many of my middle-class friends from college morph into their parents as we've entered our thirties. It's also been very useful to have to find my own path, when you grow up 'different' to your family/community of origin you can't take anything as read, it all has to be re-interpeted from your own perspective, and once you learn how to find things out for yourself life opens right up.
I didn't understand those attitudes to travel or education that you currently find mystifying either, and I was self-conscious about it - so I set about learning. After college I checked out a book on graduate courses from the library and looked up how to apply for a scholarship (I got it!). After my masters degree I worked and saved up and booked myself on a plane to another country. I moved to different cities. I worked hard at a variety of jobs until I discovered what I do best as an employee, all the while learning more and developing new skills that had nothing to do with work. Hell, as soon as I could afford it I learned how to ride a horse and play a piano. Now I'm studying again, whilst working full-time, and the world still feels full of possibilities.
I also volunteered and hung out with different kinds of people and asked questions and read a lot of social history and tried to understand how the class system came about - and my place within it. And through all this my family looked out with bafflement. Even as recently as last year my mum told me she wondered if all this learning wouldn't just make me unhappy in the long term. And that she wishes I lived closer to home. But she still loves me, and she knows I love her. I may even move back someday.
In practical terms I'm with Miko. Save as much as you can - I had to learn how to be my own benefactor, which wasn't easy, but if you start with small targets you'll get there. Money, however much you have, is a resource to be understood and managed and not something to fear or covet with magical thinking. This is the only difference I can discern between class attitudes to earnings.
Also - what does 'professionalism' mean to you? I'm now a 'professional' in a well-paid white-collar job and I'm surrounded by people from incredibly privileged backgrounds. But also people like me. As far as I'm aware I'm not a social pariah ;) Pragmatism, integrity and reliability are not the preserve of the middle classes. Add intelligence, curiosity and resilience and you've got a potent list of attributes. Don't stifle yourself, growth is not betrayal!
posted by freya_lamb at 1:49 PM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
I didn't understand those attitudes to travel or education that you currently find mystifying either, and I was self-conscious about it - so I set about learning. After college I checked out a book on graduate courses from the library and looked up how to apply for a scholarship (I got it!). After my masters degree I worked and saved up and booked myself on a plane to another country. I moved to different cities. I worked hard at a variety of jobs until I discovered what I do best as an employee, all the while learning more and developing new skills that had nothing to do with work. Hell, as soon as I could afford it I learned how to ride a horse and play a piano. Now I'm studying again, whilst working full-time, and the world still feels full of possibilities.
I also volunteered and hung out with different kinds of people and asked questions and read a lot of social history and tried to understand how the class system came about - and my place within it. And through all this my family looked out with bafflement. Even as recently as last year my mum told me she wondered if all this learning wouldn't just make me unhappy in the long term. And that she wishes I lived closer to home. But she still loves me, and she knows I love her. I may even move back someday.
In practical terms I'm with Miko. Save as much as you can - I had to learn how to be my own benefactor, which wasn't easy, but if you start with small targets you'll get there. Money, however much you have, is a resource to be understood and managed and not something to fear or covet with magical thinking. This is the only difference I can discern between class attitudes to earnings.
Also - what does 'professionalism' mean to you? I'm now a 'professional' in a well-paid white-collar job and I'm surrounded by people from incredibly privileged backgrounds. But also people like me. As far as I'm aware I'm not a social pariah ;) Pragmatism, integrity and reliability are not the preserve of the middle classes. Add intelligence, curiosity and resilience and you've got a potent list of attributes. Don't stifle yourself, growth is not betrayal!
posted by freya_lamb at 1:49 PM on March 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
Hi. I was you, but I lacked your insight about class at your age. It's only in the last couple of years or so that I've begun to acknowledge how much class has impacted my outlook, presentation and career performance (and my choice of partners and friends and many other things). A particularly eye-opening book on this subject was Annette Lareau's Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life. I've also read Limbo, but I found it less helpful.
It would have been better if you started this a year ago, but since you are still in school: run, don't walk, to the career center at your university. Take as much advantage of on-campus recruiting as possible; the window for this is probably closing very soon, if not already, but hopefully you can take advantage of this for up to a year after graduating. Apply anywhere that accepts humanities majors - the worst that can happen for even the most prestigious-looking jobs, like investment banking and consulting, is that you get rejected. Attend the career fairs dressed in business casual at least. I would strongly recommend that you find an internship.
Read the Vault, Wetfeet, and similar guides on careers. When I was young I thought the only jobs in the world were: hairdresser, supermarket checker, doctor, and lawyer. I just had no idea what careers were out there, even upon entering college.
My parents magnanimously decided that I didn't have to be a doctor (ha!), but I had to "know what I was going to do" when getting out of college. To that end, I interviewed my English professors on the topic. In hindsight, that meant I was talking to the least knowledgeable people on the matter; their expertise is on research and getting tenure, not getting ahead in the corporate world. One of them said something incredibly vague about "going into a career in business." Of course, if you are interested in an academic career in the humanities, talk to your professors (and teaching assistants and GSIs) as soon as possible. You need to get advice and letters of reference before they forget who you are.
If you happened to have taken classes in business administration, try talking to those professors. If you haven't taken those classes, go to their office hours anyway. (Note: I didn't do this, but I don't think it can hurt.)
My number one piece of advice: If you can wrangle an internship or volunteer opportunity or job, find a mentor or just a senior person who seems approachable or takes an interest in you. Ask them for their observations on your performance and professionalism. (Some will simply volunteer this information; LISTEN TO THEM, cultivate a relationship with them.)
My number two piece of advice, which I have far from mastered: Learn to be comfortable interacting with higher-status people. Even now, at networking events, I somehow gravitate to the lowest-status (career-wise) person in the room, because he or she is the only one I feel comfortable with. I constantly find myself scanning people's conversation for signs of privilege or pretentiousness, and having found them, make excuses for getting out of the conversation as quickly as possible. Basically, you need to be able to internalize, or sympathize with, Gwyneth Paltrow's attitude without throwing up on yourself. Granted, she is unusually successful, but hers is an attitude that a huge number of middle-class folks share, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to fight it. It sounds like you have the admirable ability to value a person for their character and not their career, but the professional world will often require you to be comfortable doing the opposite. It can be really hard to value the competency of some superficial jerk, but people around you will be doing this all the time.
I'm about a decade out of college, and from observing myself and my peers I've seen that many of us are at the class level they entered college with, or have deliberately dropped lower. Some of them are indeed down-on-your-luck musicians or woodworkers or whatever, just with four-year-degrees to boot. Even with a top degree, it can take a lot of swimming upstream to change that. To that end, I would suggest not moving back home, at least for now. I suggest moving to wherever your first hire takes you. It sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive, loving family and friends (lucky!) but they will probably be unable to mentor you or connect you with the opportunities you need at this crucial time in your life.
posted by ziggly at 12:59 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
It would have been better if you started this a year ago, but since you are still in school: run, don't walk, to the career center at your university. Take as much advantage of on-campus recruiting as possible; the window for this is probably closing very soon, if not already, but hopefully you can take advantage of this for up to a year after graduating. Apply anywhere that accepts humanities majors - the worst that can happen for even the most prestigious-looking jobs, like investment banking and consulting, is that you get rejected. Attend the career fairs dressed in business casual at least. I would strongly recommend that you find an internship.
Read the Vault, Wetfeet, and similar guides on careers. When I was young I thought the only jobs in the world were: hairdresser, supermarket checker, doctor, and lawyer. I just had no idea what careers were out there, even upon entering college.
My parents magnanimously decided that I didn't have to be a doctor (ha!), but I had to "know what I was going to do" when getting out of college. To that end, I interviewed my English professors on the topic. In hindsight, that meant I was talking to the least knowledgeable people on the matter; their expertise is on research and getting tenure, not getting ahead in the corporate world. One of them said something incredibly vague about "going into a career in business." Of course, if you are interested in an academic career in the humanities, talk to your professors (and teaching assistants and GSIs) as soon as possible. You need to get advice and letters of reference before they forget who you are.
If you happened to have taken classes in business administration, try talking to those professors. If you haven't taken those classes, go to their office hours anyway. (Note: I didn't do this, but I don't think it can hurt.)
My number one piece of advice: If you can wrangle an internship or volunteer opportunity or job, find a mentor or just a senior person who seems approachable or takes an interest in you. Ask them for their observations on your performance and professionalism. (Some will simply volunteer this information; LISTEN TO THEM, cultivate a relationship with them.)
My number two piece of advice, which I have far from mastered: Learn to be comfortable interacting with higher-status people. Even now, at networking events, I somehow gravitate to the lowest-status (career-wise) person in the room, because he or she is the only one I feel comfortable with. I constantly find myself scanning people's conversation for signs of privilege or pretentiousness, and having found them, make excuses for getting out of the conversation as quickly as possible. Basically, you need to be able to internalize, or sympathize with, Gwyneth Paltrow's attitude without throwing up on yourself. Granted, she is unusually successful, but hers is an attitude that a huge number of middle-class folks share, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to fight it. It sounds like you have the admirable ability to value a person for their character and not their career, but the professional world will often require you to be comfortable doing the opposite. It can be really hard to value the competency of some superficial jerk, but people around you will be doing this all the time.
I'm about a decade out of college, and from observing myself and my peers I've seen that many of us are at the class level they entered college with, or have deliberately dropped lower. Some of them are indeed down-on-your-luck musicians or woodworkers or whatever, just with four-year-degrees to boot. Even with a top degree, it can take a lot of swimming upstream to change that. To that end, I would suggest not moving back home, at least for now. I suggest moving to wherever your first hire takes you. It sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive, loving family and friends (lucky!) but they will probably be unable to mentor you or connect you with the opportunities you need at this crucial time in your life.
posted by ziggly at 12:59 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]
« Older Can you help find stylish but fashionable women's... | i've been accepted to my creative writing mfa... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by madcaptenor at 6:55 PM on March 5, 2012