Diffusing comparisons among sisters
January 7, 2012 4:44 PM Subscribe
Must sisters compare themselves to each other physically? What is the best method to reassure a sister who feels insecure and jealous or envious?
My friend Anna has a sister that is getting married, her sister is concerned that Anna will out shine her on the big day because she is slim. I'm not sure if she suggested this directly, but Anna is now trying to gain weight in order to make her sister the sole focus of her wedding.
I myself have sisters and over the years have dealt with similar issues of insecurity and sister-comparison. In the past I would try to reassure, but it would always backfire. I ended up enduring a lot of antagonism.
So this holiday I avoided all kinds of conversations, like who has the best hair or who has the worst butt. It's ridiculous- we're in our 30's and 40's- and we're going to compare asses! I am personally mystified by this and feel no need to engage in this type of comparison. In fact I find it more disturbing than when a similar thing occurs with non-familial females.
The whole framework is poisonous at worst, not very interesting conversation at best. Why do women or sisters in particular hang on to this stuff so much? What's going on here and how do we get past this type of comparison?
My friend Anna has a sister that is getting married, her sister is concerned that Anna will out shine her on the big day because she is slim. I'm not sure if she suggested this directly, but Anna is now trying to gain weight in order to make her sister the sole focus of her wedding.
I myself have sisters and over the years have dealt with similar issues of insecurity and sister-comparison. In the past I would try to reassure, but it would always backfire. I ended up enduring a lot of antagonism.
So this holiday I avoided all kinds of conversations, like who has the best hair or who has the worst butt. It's ridiculous- we're in our 30's and 40's- and we're going to compare asses! I am personally mystified by this and feel no need to engage in this type of comparison. In fact I find it more disturbing than when a similar thing occurs with non-familial females.
The whole framework is poisonous at worst, not very interesting conversation at best. Why do women or sisters in particular hang on to this stuff so much? What's going on here and how do we get past this type of comparison?
This post was deleted for the following reason: I'm not sure what the exact problem to be solved is here, sounds a bit like you just want to talk about this issue, which is fine but not really what AskMe is for. -- jessamyn
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