Is this (early) puberty in my son?

December 23, 2011 4:10 PM

My son is 9 1/2, and just today I noticed some fuzz in the mustache area, towards the sides of his top lip. We then looked at his armpits and he has hair there as well, soft (or at least not coarse-looking) and less than half an inch. I know puberty can start in boys at age 9, but I'm wondering if this hair is normal (did I just not notice it before?) or indeed if we're seeing secondary sex characteristics.

My son is a healthy, active boy with no major health issues and who has been to the doctor regularly over the years.

I don't know if he has any pubic hair. I will ask, and he'll let me look or look himself, but I haven't done that yet because he was a bit worried to realize he was growing any hair in his armpits at all (he associates armpit hair with stinky adults, heh). Suffice it to say I also do not know if his testes have been growing in size either. I also think that he would have told me if he had noticed pubic hair.

We'll go to the doctor soon, but in the meantime, here are a few questions:

Isn't facial hair something that typically happens later in puberty rather than sooner?
I am reading that age 9 isn't technically precocious puberty for boys, but I thought that referred to hormonal changes and not body hair.
Any tips for talking to him about this? We're a pretty open family, and we've talked about puberty, but never in the context of it happening so soon.
He's tall-ish for his age, but if this is really puberty, doesn't that mean he'll probably end up not growing as tall as if puberty came later?
I sometimes suspect he might, at some point, realize he is gay. Or maybe not. Either way is fine with me (we're pretty aggressively anti-homophobic), but is that at all relevant to this? Like, would that mean he'd be dealing with the complications of having sexual feelings for other boys at even an earlier age than most gay boys have to deal with this? (Yes, I know I might be getting ahead of myself here.)

Note: My understanding is that the father's age of puberty onset is relevant (I'm the mother), but we don't have that information, and we have no way of getting it.

Thanks for any information or resources.

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (23 answers total)

I don't know if he has any pubic hair. I will ask, and he'll let me look or look himself,

Please don't. This can be very awkward for someone going through puberty, and I would have been absolutely mortified if a parent did this. I would have also been mortified if you had checked my armpits. A much greater degree of delicacy is required.

Take him to the doctor if you have questions about his development, but DO NOT inspect him or quiz him the way you are doing or thinking of doing.
posted by jayder at 4:14 PM on December 23, 2011 [17 favorites]

Yes, this might get deleted but I think you are overly invested in his sexual development. Let him be and see what happens. (and sexuality as well, if I can say that). Honestly what difference does any of it make unless you think there is a health risk involved?
posted by bquarters at 4:21 PM on December 23, 2011 [10 favorites]

Good lord, leave the kid be.

Here's your operative sentence:

My son is a healthy, active boy with no major health issues and who has been to the doctor regularly over the years.

Who knows if it's peach fuzz or the real onset of puberty. Give him a few months, and you'll know. If he needs to start shaving, buy him a razor. Don't make a big deal out of it, or he'll hate you (and with good reason).
posted by downing street memo at 4:22 PM on December 23, 2011 [8 favorites]

Also, since you mention:

I'm the mother

I will double-down on jayder's opinion that this would be very awkward.

Let a doctor handle this.
posted by Maxwell_Smart at 4:22 PM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

I sometimes suspect he might, at some point, realize he is gay. Or maybe not. Either way is fine with me (we're pretty aggressively anti-homophobic), but is that at all relevant to this?

If you were my parents, I'd probably feel a bit weird if you made the onset of puberty an issue to sexualize, especially at age 9 1/2. You might do well to talk to a gay-friendly family counselor, if a doctor's a-ok doesn't set your mind at ease.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:23 PM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

He will already be sensitive if he's the only kid in his grade with any hair like that. I would worry that by 'looking into it' as you suggest you might do you will make him feel like some kind of hormonal freak of nature. Puberty is scary enough without thinking that something is medically wrong with you.
posted by TheRedArmy at 4:26 PM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

Leave him alone and let him be a kid for as long as it lasts. My brother started getting pit hair around 9 or 10, was always really tall and had early growth spurts (he's 6'4" now), and it took probably 6 or 7 years between when his voice started changing and when it stopped.

Puberty is weird. Just let your son be. Please don't ask to see his balls.
posted by phunniemee at 4:31 PM on December 23, 2011 [8 favorites]

I don't think 9 1/2 is young- I know it might feel like it to you. I am in a book group with women whose kids are older and I remember one mom telling a story about how in 4th grade they talked to all the kids about deodorant- she felt it was off base- but a month later she realized her son was starting to smell. I think as a parent we spend a lot of time wishing the baby and toddler years away and then there is a period of when our kids are great and then next thing you know- you little kid is literally growing before your eyes. I have been amazed at my daughters who are 10 and 13 and how in the last year they have just grown up way too fast in so many ways.

I would suggest buying the book It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris (Author), Michael Emberley (Illustrator) and leaving it for your son to have to look through on his own. I would say too to try and give him some space, answer any questions he might have as honestly as you can- but don't plant the seed that what is happening to him isn't normal. It totally is.
posted by momochan at 4:36 PM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

My 11YO has had peach fuzz since he was 4. Around here, we call it "boy fur." I think it's genetic & completely normal.

I'm 46 and the little dude has more hair on his back than I do.
posted by bricksNmortar at 4:40 PM on December 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

Honestly, you sound overly involved and worried about this. Kids aren't robots, some develop later, some earlier. He's healthy and active, I don't see what the problem is.

Your inspection or potential inspections also seem odd, especially over such a trivial issue. He's healthy and active, let him be.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:46 PM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

Holy cow.

If you're really concerned, I think instead of asking these questions (or, good lord, inspecting him) yourself, you find the coolest MALE pediatrician, physician's assistant, nurse practitioner, whatever, book an appointment for the kid, schedule yourself to talk to the doc alone, and then let the kid talk to the doc...alone (if the medical practitioner won't see him solo for liability reasons, they usually have a nurse come in to sit and witness exams--I had this option as an 11 year old girl who didn't want mom to see me get a shot in the ass).
posted by availablelight at 4:55 PM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

I agree with those who say let him alone about this. If he sees a doctor regularly for checkups the doctor will notice if anything is abnormal. I have never heard of a boy in puberty at any age announcing to his mom he had public hair. If the underarm hair concerns him let him ask the doctor at his regular checkup.

Some kids and some guys are more hairy than others. Let him have some privacy and dignity. Don't assume at this age he is gay, or straight. He is just a kid. Keep accepting him as he is and let him grow at his own pace.
posted by mermayd at 4:56 PM on December 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've been shaving since 5th grade. This is all well within the range of normal. Leave nature alone.

Why does it matter so much to you when he gets pubic hair? That's a private matter. ALSO, IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, DO NOT ASK TO SEARCH FOR HIS PUBIC HAIR.
posted by Sticherbeast at 5:00 PM on December 23, 2011 [3 favorites]

Discuss puberty with him, but do it in a matter-of-fact way that does not single him out as (possibly) an early bloomer. Age 9 isn't too early for a kid to learn about how things work, regardless.

Please try not to convey your concern about him being "unusual"--sort that out before you talk to him. My mother made me feel super weird for having some early-ish signs of puberty (possibly because she was a late bloomer) and it made puberty much more difficult for me to process, emotionally.
posted by needs more cowbell at 5:06 PM on December 23, 2011

When I was maturing, I absolutely hated it whenever a parent would mention my developing secondary sexual characteristics. Treating this an an "event" -- such as you are doing, checking his armpits -- conjures up shame and embarrassment and weirdness that, no joke, can scar a person for life. There's something about a fully mature adult being all "omigod" about your nascent pubic hair, shaving, and armpit hair, not to mention testicle size (!?!?) that is utterly shaming and demeaning. Having been there before, I suggest you completely disregard it, except to leave razors and shaving cream in the bathroom in case he needs it.
posted by jayder at 5:08 PM on December 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

The rule of thumb for pretty open families regarding the sexual development of their kids is and remains: wait until they ask the questions, and then answer them straightforwardly and as correctly as you can. Working on an atmosphere where this is truly possible is the best thing you can do for your son.

(prematurely pondering whether or not he may turn out gay or hairy: not so much.)
posted by Namlit at 5:10 PM on December 23, 2011

FWIW (I'm a girl) I got my first pube when I was young enough to not be embarrassed to show my mum my girly parts - young enough to be confused as to what this dark hair was doing on my privates (ie. too young to know about pubic hair or periods etc - off the top of my head, I was probably around 8 years old). I also remember several years later my mum asking to see my underarm hair to see if I needed to start shaving yet and being mortified!! I really don't think its necessary to see a doctor about it, not yet anyway.

Also, if you think 9 is to young for puberty, how can you possibly speculate that he might be gay? If he's too young for 'adult' hormones, he's too young for 'adult' feelings.
posted by missmagenta at 5:15 PM on December 23, 2011

I'm not sure I entirely agree with the majority of the responses here on leaving the kid alone. Yes, don't hassle him about it, but I also think that our societal predisposition to steer clear of issues like puberty and sexuality can often cause a lot of harm and misinformation in kids (which I've seen in the 8th graders I teach sex-ed too).

I'd recommend talking to him, possibly with the help of a sex-ed type book (though do some research on those first as a lot of them espouse kind of iffy things), about puberty, and what he should expect. Maybe don't examine his pubic area for hair, but let him know that if he's developing it (and that he will at some point) and that it's entirely normal, as are the other aspects of puberty. I'd also let him know how there's no set course for puberty, and some kids develop faster, some slower, and that there's nothing wrong with either.

Also, regarding sexuality, I think it's great that you're okay with it. In your case, I wouldn't necessarily bring up his sexuality, but in your talk on puberty, mention how, during puberty (which he'll experience soon, if not already) individuals often develop attraction or crushes on people, and that a lot of people its the opposite sex, but for some people it's the same sex, or both sexes. Either one is perfectly normal.

I'd also stress that if he has absolutely any questions, he can ask you, or a pediatrician. He's gonna have questions, and if he doesn't feel comfortable asking you or a doctor, he's most likely going to get bad information from his peers.

If my parents hadn't modeled heterosexuality as the "default" or "normal" that was expected of me (asking about crushes on girls, etc), I think I would've had a lot less issues coming to terms with my sexuality. Even if he doesn't end up being gay (or bisexual or whatever), he'll grow up with a more accepting worldview.
posted by kylej at 5:27 PM on December 23, 2011

Anecdotally (and I only put this out there to help put your mind at some ease), I had a pool party for my 9th birthday and one of the invitees (who was about a month and a half older than I) had started growing armpit hair. I didn't start growing noticeable hair under my pits for another 5 years or so. I knew him off and on until we graduated high school and he never had any noticeable health issues. He wasn't especially hirsute at 18 years old, so I think he must have just hit puberty early.
posted by Ufez Jones at 5:30 PM on December 23, 2011

9 is not atypically young. Probably the majority of guys reach puberty after that, but there are other factors that can come into play. For example, growth hormones given to cows get transferred to humans when we eat beef/drink milk. He could be, in some way, reacting to those hormones. While this isn't generally good for humans, it isn't something for you to freak out about either.

In my school, we started getting taught about puberty in 4th grade -- the majority of us were 9 -- because some people were starting to go through it. So I really don't think you have anything to freak out about. And honestly, you're probably freaking him out unnecessarily. If you want him to be comfortable with himself and what's happening, don't make this a big deal.

As a girl, I was growing leg hair before I got my period, but had no pubic hair. My mom didn't realize it was hair -- she thought I was dirty and not bathing properly. She was a bit embarrassed when she finally let me shave (after much begging) and the "dirt" was just fine hair.
posted by DoubleLune at 5:34 PM on December 23, 2011

And I don't mention the hormones in beef as something to start an argument/opinion war about, but just as one reason that has been attributed to puberty beginning earlier than it did a generation or so ago.
posted by DoubleLune at 5:35 PM on December 23, 2011

There's a whole long list of stuff for which I wanted, needed, and valued my mother's help and input.

Puberty was not on that list.

I mean, what are the options here?

1. Normal development: butt out, mom.

2. Early puberty: still normal. Butt out, mom.

4. Onset of some glandular disorder: diagnosed by pediatrician, who'll then tell you how to deal with it. Butt out, mom!

There are some things moms can't help with. It's frustrating and maddening and you wish it weren't so, but it is.

Let him be a kid.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:39 PM on December 23, 2011 [2 favorites]

Mod note: Folks, there's a lot of flagging and a lot of "wtf" going on. Please address answers directly to the OP and keep it on this side of the "judgeme" line.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:47 PM on December 23, 2011