How do I explain being separated to future dates?
December 2, 2011 9:45 AM Subscribe
How/when do I explain that I'm separated to dates/on dates? I'm a good person, really!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (78 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Married for 5 years. Separated for 5 months. I (the husband) am the leaver. No kids. Have not started divorce proceedings yet for logistical reasons. Early 30's. Reason for leaving is nothing particularly scandalous and could be loosely summarized to "miscarriage and future unlikeliness to have children wrecked our relationship."
I've been meeting new people through Meetups, trolling OKCupid, blah blah blah.
I think I might be ready to date again. However, I feel so weighed down by the separated status - and, to be frank, it'll probably be at least 2 years before the divorce is finalized due to logistical reasons (financial complications).
To be clear, I have no intent to return. I struggled with deciding to leave for about a year, so this was not a rash decision.
I understand that this is a black mark on my record. But I think I'm still a good person (at least that's what my friends tell me.)
Where do I go from here?
When do I reveal that "I'm separated working on a long divorce" when I meet women?
I was thinking of something like this:
-First encounter: Say nothing about it.
-First lunch/dinner: Say that I've been married, am working on a divorce - would be happy to talk more about it in the future, but am focused on living today.
-Second (If it ever gets this far) - Go into more details if asked.
I'd love some help on ideas on what to say, and if this plan makes sense.
Throw away email: firstname.lastname@example.org