I think my personality is incompatible with motherhood
October 20, 2011 8:27 AM Subscribe
I'm going to be a mother in about two months. I'm concerned about what kind of mother I'll be. How can I reconcile the fact that my personality type might be at odds with being a great mom?
posted by litnerd to Human Relations (52 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
I'm an INTJ. I know some people have issues with the Myers-Brigg, but I really do draw a lot of my identity and self-knowledge from that label. Sometimes (oftentimes) I feel like I'm a genuinely cold person. I hold people to incredibly high standards, and I get frustrated if they fail to meet them. Especially with children, I often compare their behavior and progress to my experience at their age. I was incredibly calm, behaved, and self-sufficient as a child--and I have trouble giving leeway to kids in my life that I feel are poorly behaved, or not self-sufficient enough.
I know part of this is my own hangup. I was not a typical child. Due both to my family's finances and to the culture in which I was brought up, I had a spartan childhood. I was so quiet as a baby that my parents thought I was deaf. But because of how my personality's developed, and probably also because I'm the youngest in my family, I have a hard time relating to children. I am not warm and fuzzy. I am impatient, high-strung, and often unforgiving.
I'm terrified of being too hard on my son, and of not showing him enough love. How can I work on being a loving, attentive, fantastic mother in spite of my personality defects?