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October 17, 2011 8:36 AM Subscribe
How much to tell a potential new love about past infidelity
posted by anonymous to human relations (20 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
After ending a several year marriage over six months ago, I've decided to stick my toe in the dating pool. During my previous marriage, my ex and I engaged in a multi-year tit-for-tat that began with flirtation with other people and resulted in both of us having extramarital affairs (meaning, we each had an affair with more than one person). It was an awful war of attrition and I hate how cowardly and abysmally I acted. I have worked with a counselor for a few years to attempt to understand my behavior and have striven to act in a way more consonant with who I want to be. I continue to try and be truthful in all respects even if it pains me to do so. Now I'm faced with the question of what to tell someone I am (seriously) dating about my past infidelity. How do I do this and how much do I tell? I think I should tell someone who wants to get serious with me that I was unfaithful in my marriage but should I give dates and names? I'm incredibly ashamed of some of my actions and, at this point, they are nearly four years in my past and I don't feel as if I'm that person anymore. But, would it be a lie of omission if I didn't reveal the extent of my dishonesty in my marriage to someone who is considering whether to pursue a committed and exclusive relationship with me?