Saw a guy at work on OkCupid, he seems cool--should I ask him out?
July 29, 2011 1:04 PM Subscribe
This is kind of a follow-up to this question
about seeing people on OkCupid that one knows offline in some capacity. I have a similar situation but an added wrinkle: I work with my potential match. Is this a good idea to pursue him or not?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
The advice in the question linked above about potentially using information from someone's OkCupid profile to help make things offline happen was quite helpful. I think we've all agreed that it's a better idea to contact that person online initially instead of offline. So that was good to know. My situation is really quite similar, but I work with the guy who's profile I've seen. I've never considered dating a coworker before, but he seems like he'd be a good match, and now I'm stuck.
Some background information: we're both in our 30s, we work at a large company together (~400 people) and in different departments. I rarely see him at work except for in passing in the lunchroom maybe once a week. I do, however, see him at least a few times a week while we are commuting by train. We don't really talk, as I don't know him that well, but we have been involved in the same conversations including other people, and he seems nice. We're not work buddies, but if I saw him in the hallway, we'd definitely say hello.
A few weeks ago I ventured back onto OkCupid and stumbled across his profile. I didn't look at it with my own profile--I have a blank dummy profile for anonymous browsing that I used to look at it because I didn't want to make things uncomfortable. I saw that he's a good match with my regular profile and he sounds like an interesting guy (and I've always thought he was cute). Basically, if I didn't already know him, I probably would have sent him a message. But I didn't, because I don't want things at work to get awkward. However, I've now developed a crush on him and it's kind of embarrassing because I shake and blush a lot when he's around, which I never did before. It's getting time to either pull the trigger or move on already.
I have no idea if he's interested in me. There aren't a lot of single people under 40 at our company, so one of my fears is that if I ask him out, rumors and/or awkwardness will ensue in our small group (some of whom hang out together outside of work sometimes--I have not been invited to any of these get-togethers, not for any malicious reason but likely because I don't work in their department).
So, asking him out via OkCupid--good idea or bad idea? If I do this, what do I need to keep in mind? Any other advice about maybe dating a coworker when our work experience is akin to going to high school together? It's not a perfect analogy (nowhere near as vicious as high school, but there is a rumor mill and we run in different cliques), but I seriously haven't had a crush like this in years. Help...
Anonymous because of work issues and potential weirdness.