Holes. Goddamned holes.
July 14, 2011 2:44 PM   Subscribe

Saw disturbing images over a month ago. Still disturbed/unsettled. Any techniques or ideas for scrubbing my brain?

There was a thread on the blue a month or so ago about "fear of holes." Not gonna link to it. I read through it and thought nothing of it - there was some gross stuff in there (the lotus breast, particularly, and if you don't know what that is, don't ask, seriously, don't ask), but it didn't really bother me at the time.

But later that day, my skin started crawling, and no exaggeration, it hasn't stopped since. I have this constant sensation that something's coming out of the skin on my arms, like those fucking disgusting frog eggs. No lie, I wake up in the morning feeling unsettled like this, go to bed at night the same way.

And I'm not thinking about the images, it's not like I'm still seeing them in my head. But I feel this way all the time now. I'm also suddenly very sensitive to seeing patterns in things, and they now squick me out - holes in asphalt, rocks embedded in concrete that has been broken up, seeds or pods of absolutely any kind. If I look real closely at a strawberry, all of the hairs on my arm will stand on end.

There's got to be something I can do about this, right? My brain understands that it is completely irrational, that there is absolutely no reason why seeing a sunflower will make the back of my neck get hot. But it does. Are there mental techniques for dealing with something like this? Should I just totally immerse myself in similar images until I'm totally hardened to them? (I don't think that would work, because like I said, none of this stuff bothered me before reading that thread.)

Hope me!
posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (41 answers total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
 
You need a new obsession. Overload yourself on the cutest, catchiest, and most annoying internet memes and pop culture phenomena you can find until one gets stuck in your head instead of what's currently living there.
posted by yeolcoatl at 2:48 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Ha! I knew it would be about this! You should look at lotus seed pods because that's what's being 'shopped on the breast picture I suspect you saw. This wikipedia link would be a good way to see them without the possibility of seeing the horrifying image again. What you saw was the seed pod of a very beautiful flower crudely 'shopped on a very beautiful and normal body part. That helped me anyway.
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:49 PM on July 14, 2011


Just popping in to say, anonymous, don't click on the wikipedia link above! I was never squicked out by holes before that Meta thread, and now I can't look at lotus pods any more without being nauseated. (Gotta say, I have never witnessed a better example of the power of suggestion than that thread!)
posted by smilingtiger at 2:54 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


The way I've solved this for myself, especially with that kind of imagery, is to close my eyes and carefully visualize the Squicky Image coming to a resolution: the holes healing up and smoothing over, or the injured creature getting treated, or the angry person calming down, or the child getting to safety and getting a nice hug, and so on. Then, if the disturbing image intrusively injects itself into my head at a later time, I can mentally refer back to the visualization and resolve it again. This works for me. Hugs for everyone!
posted by dreamyshade at 3:04 PM on July 14, 2011 [17 favorites]


The lotus breast image freaked me the hell out and I had bad dreams for days. Something about that one is amazingly effective. I recommend sensory overload - go to a punk concert and mosh or something.
posted by zomg at 3:05 PM on July 14, 2011


Hi, I'm you. What seriously worked with my trypophobia is simply forcing myself to think of an image like this one and breath deeply. It sounds cheesy, but it really helped me.

and really, DO NOT google trypophobia, or look at any forums. Trolls love it.
posted by Tarumba at 3:05 PM on July 14, 2011


I see some really amazingly disturbing stuff at work sometimes (nursing). My strategy, which seems to work, is to let myself think about stuff and mull it over in my head until it goes away. I recently saw something that was so horribly disturbing that I ended up breaking down and crying the next day (this is pretty rare for me), but I let myself think about it when I needed to, and now I don't really think about it anymore.

I'm not sure...but I think trying to scrub your mind of things is actually what causes you to be obsessed with them. If you can let the thought have its own life, it will die.
posted by sully75 at 3:05 PM on July 14, 2011 [3 favorites]


*breathe
posted by Tarumba at 3:06 PM on July 14, 2011


Some people with PTSD seem to have lower than normal cortisol levels, which seems to make sense from the traditional viewpoint that cortisol is the stress hormone that restores homeostasis.

Conceivably, then, something that would increase your cortisol might help.

Are there any amusement parks with rollercoasters nearby?
posted by jamjam at 3:27 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh dear - I would mention how to sort it out to my other half, except he is still freaked out by that picture what is by now YEARS later and cannot see any seed pods like it either ... so I'll wait till it comes up again, and then mention the possible cure! So thanks from us, too!
posted by LyzzyBee at 3:28 PM on July 14, 2011


The same thing happened to me after the James Bulger case nearly 20 years ago. If it's possible to have PTSD from a news story and some pictures, then I did. My solution was time and activity. i had to make a concerted effort to not read news stories about the case, and to fill my day up with activity so I wouldn't be tempted to use the computer. There is no easy answer, and I am truly sorry that you are burdened with this. I know how you feel.
posted by brownrd at 3:48 PM on July 14, 2011


How much do you know about biology? I've noticed that I only tend to be afraid of things that I don't understand very well.
posted by trevyn at 4:08 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Not that you likely have PTSD, but this seems relevant. You know how when you play a visual computer game too long, its patterns become your default vision whenever you close your eyes? Apparently this principle -- that the visual parts of the brain replay the computer game again and again -- can distract the visual parts of the brain from replaying disturbing images again and again. So -- take a day off and play 16 hours of Tetris?
posted by foursentences at 4:08 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


I look at images for a living, and after a long day of concentration camp photos, I play mindless bead or puzzle games until the images fade. Tetris works, too. I also comparmentalize this stuff as work, and don't look at or for these sorts of distressing images except at my desk, sitting at keyboard, etc. I didn't bother to click on any of the links, because I know they're photoshopped and I don't get paid to look at bodily injuries. Not this week anyway.
posted by Ideefixe at 4:25 PM on July 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


If it's any consolation, Snopes.com says the Lotus Breast is a photoshop (NSFW; pic is almost certainly what OP was talking about).
posted by holterbarbour at 4:28 PM on July 14, 2011


There have been images I, too, wish I could unsee.

For me, they eventually faded with time. I am blessed with a terrible memory though, YMMV.
posted by mazola at 4:47 PM on July 14, 2011


+1 with sully75's advice. I have problems with intrusive thoughts and one of the best things I can do is let the thought come fully into my mind and then let it go. The more I try to block it out completely, the more it seems to be on the periphery of thought.

Once you have the image, do try to rationalize it and breathe deeply to calm down. That will help you desensitize yourself to the image coming up again.

Since we're all mentioning triggers--I had bad dreams and unsettled feeling for weeks after seeing Black Swan. I felt as crazy as she was for a while.
posted by parkerjackson at 4:47 PM on July 14, 2011


I have this constant sensation that something's coming out of the skin on my arms, like those fucking disgusting frog eggs.

I apologize for linking to the Suriname Toad video in that thread.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:56 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


I react very badly to any visual horror imagery (like the time I read the Creepshow comic in high school...). If I've got scary/upsetting pictures stuck in mind, I immediately visualize myself tearing them up, like photographs. I "tear" the images every time I see them, until I finally feel like I control them; eventually, they stop being scary.
posted by thomas j wise at 5:18 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Cuteoverload.com can help.
posted by gentian at 5:37 PM on July 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


i, too, have a serious problem with the lotus breast and other collections of holes. i do what dreamyshade does.
posted by woodvine at 5:42 PM on July 14, 2011


Cat imagery on the internets is designed to draw attention away.
posted by ovvl at 6:00 PM on July 14, 2011


A girl I used to date would probably have jumped out the window if she'd seen that trypophobia thread. I wasn't too thrilled with that toad, myself. But she'd freak out at cooked squid, fossils, bark, the lotus-tit.

YMMV (probably will), but what helps me is something counterintuitive. Describing it may make it worse, so maybe you should just skip my comment.

...

... ...

... ... ...

If you're still interested, here's what I do: Rather than imagining it from the outside, think of looking out from inside. Then it's just another place, like a room; not this mysterious point of intrusion.
posted by evil holiday magic at 6:04 PM on July 14, 2011


The way I've solved this for myself, especially with that kind of imagery, is to close my eyes and carefully visualize the Squicky Image coming to a resolution: the holes healing up and smoothing over, or the injured creature getting treated, or the angry person calming down, or the child getting to safety and getting a nice hug, and so on.

This is much healthier way than I deal with it. Which is drinking. YMMV.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 7:01 PM on July 14, 2011


When I have a physical sensation related to a mental image and can't shake it, I find controlled intense sensory stimulation is helpful. I

* replace my sheets and pillow cases with somewhat rough towels
* use a weighted blanket
* scrub my skin with a bristle brush before or during showers
* grab my hair by handfuls and pull it tight to stretch my scalp
* slap my cheeks and forehead lightly
* use massage "bongers" (or get a friend to use them on me)
* use a weighted eye pillow
posted by rosa at 7:11 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


You realize that all effective non-drug treatments for phobias involve exposure or mental confrontation, right? Trying to avoid thinking about it is only going to make it worse in the future.
posted by trevyn at 7:24 PM on July 14, 2011


Also, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia#Treatments
posted by trevyn at 7:25 PM on July 14, 2011


This isn't my default response to phobias in general, but seriously: get over it. You've made as tory for yourself in which you're afraid of holes. You're not. Your skin is full of pores. The textiles that surround you every moment of every day are a similar texture. You have nostrils. Not only does having the phobia make no sense, but your application of the phobia is inconsistent. Just stop it.
posted by cmoj at 7:34 PM on July 14, 2011


I heard a psychologist on the radio talk about another way to deal with intrusive thoughts and images, which is to make fun of them.

So, let's say that rather than the holes image, (because I don't want to think about it either) you were freaked out by images of a spider. So instead of trying to banish all thoughts of spiders, you do think about spiders, but you make them into cartoon spiders with comedy, cartoonish squeaky voices who say "I'm a spiiiiider! You're scared of me, oooh!".
posted by AmbroseChapel at 8:02 PM on July 14, 2011


Holy crap. I always thought I was the only person alive who had this weird squick. I feel exactly the same way, right down to the strange feeling in my forearms I get when I see things like that.

In addition to feeling squicked in a trypophobic way, I also find the images/things strangely, powerfully compelling. So part of me is horrified, and part of me wants to stick my fingers into the little holes and pick out whatever seed or creature lives there. And then the image of me doing that squicks me out even more. Around and around we go.

Seconds ago, I felt compelled to google "trypophobia," and then got all squicked, prompting my boyfriend to say, "You doofus! What did you do that for?!" It's complicated.

Another word you want to avoid Googling: cribriform.
posted by jesourie at 8:09 PM on July 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Not that you likely have PTSD, but this seems relevant. You know how when you play a visual computer game too long, its patterns become your default vision whenever you close your eyes? Apparently this principle -- that the visual parts of the brain replay the computer game again and again -- can distract the visual parts of the brain from replaying disturbing images again and again. So -- take a day off and play 16 hours of Tetris?

I was very disturbed by a certain clown boss in Dead Rising, so I replayed my Rez HD demo until I calmed down. Maybe a similarly relaxing game will help?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:51 PM on July 14, 2011


I see some really amazingly disturbing stuff at work sometimes (nursing). My strategy, which seems to work, is to let myself think about stuff and mull it over in my head until it goes away. I recently saw something that was so horribly disturbing that I ended up breaking down and crying the next day (this is pretty rare for me), but I let myself think about it when I needed to, and now I don't really think about it anymore.

Tend to agree with this. Letting the thought run until it "wears out" might not sound like a good strategy, but it is. Very counter-intuitive, but usually effective in my experience. One thing to remember is that holes can't really hurt you, and thoughts of them are not actually dangerous. What is dangerous is running away from such ideation by trying to squelch same with, say, soporific chemicals (alcohol for instance). I speak from experience.
posted by telstar at 11:50 PM on July 14, 2011


A couple of techniques Paul McKenna (shush, I know) suggests:

1) Visualise the image that's squicking you out then imagine that you're turning up the brightness on it like you would on a TV. Keep turning up the brightness in your mind's eye until the image is completely white.

2) Visualise the image that's squicking you out then imagine it getting smaller and smaller until it disappears into nothingness.

Do one of these everytime you start thinking about the image.
posted by minifigs at 4:58 AM on July 15, 2011


Ok, so a few weeks ago I had this same problem. I accidentally clicked a mystery meat link and was directed to a photo of a giant white spider sitting on a toilet paper roll.

A GIANT WHITE, POTENTIALLY SQUISHY SPIDER SITTING ON A TOILET PAPER ROLL.

Yeah, so every time I closed my eyes or spaced out, there was the spider. This went on for two weeks.

What you need to do is replace the [scary thing] with something cute. Or awesome. Every single time you think of [scary thing] replace it. It takes serious dedication and consistency, but it does work. Want to know how I know?

I now have a Siamese kitten sitting on a toilet paper roll.
posted by functionequalsform at 6:18 AM on July 15, 2011


When I have intrusive thoughts, I try to acknowledge them (out loud, to other people if possible - e.g. "Ack! I'm thinking about that crazy picture again!") and then distract myself. To distract myself I might use something like Tetris or audiobooks or both. Saying it out loud (or on twitter or facebook if there's no one nearby to say it out loud to) helps a lot, because it helps me see the thought from the outside, and it's usually less scary from someone else's perspective.
posted by mskyle at 7:05 AM on July 15, 2011


Just popping in to say that I saw that image several years ago & though reading your question made my heartrate go up (& no doubt I will re-think of the image for the next few days), it WILL ultimately become something that you think of less. In the meantime, what worked for me was that every time it popped in my head, I acknowledged that it was there, then distracted myself with doing something else verbal.

Such as responding to this post.
posted by oh really at 10:48 AM on July 15, 2011


I really, really feel for you, MeFite friend.

Over the years, I've had understandable instances of this-- like when I see something disturbing-- but it has also happened at other times for no damn reason at all-- I just won't be able to stop mentally "seeing" a person's face, and it's driven me into depression, effed with my relationships, you name it.

Thankfully, it's been a while since this kind of thing has vexed me, and I've attributed it to being in a good relationship/good job/good living environment, which results in a good mental environment: generally having freedom to think and do as I want, not having horrible amounts of emotional labor to do (such as "finding a happy place" despite crappy jobs/relationships/roommates/home situations/whatnot, but most of all, gaining and strengthening the skill of contextualizing information and understanding the truth of it

"this thing is not what I thought it is; it is just color shuffled by mouseclicks to attempt a concept-- that concept is utterly unconnected to anything real, hence my senses have no access to it, hence my mind has no access to it. This is the truth."

I'm glad as hell that I didn't see that before I knew it wasn't real-- your OP is the first I'd heard of it, so I saw it only on Snopes, just now; I read the red, capitalized bold text 'False' first and kept it in mind, then read the entire description, which thoroughly debunked the Photoshop job on medical grounds, etc., and reminded myself, like a kiddo at a scary movie, It's not real; it's not real.

I have to bear in mind the sorts of things that are depicted in lyrical content, and even in stories, that are a breeze to deal with without even blinking-- nuclear war, etc-- and I question how much the context has to do with it.

What your reaction shows, it would seem to me, is that you have empathy. Maybe just being aware of this, and how much of a good thing that is, will help? It means you're part of the solution, not the problem. Real atrocities and real pain are out there, and you've just been spooked by a handful of benign, powerless pixels only suggesting fictional badness, but in the process, it's been made abundantly clear that you are merciful, compassionate, and care for the wellness, soundness, and peace of mind of others-- that is plain as day in the way that it has affected your peace of mind.

Finally, bring to mind and say (out loud, if you like) that the subject of that harmless, sound component picture (the unaltered picture) with the woman does not look whatsoever like that and never has anymore than if you grabbed the pic off my MeFi profile and put Gene Simmons make-up on my face (I wouldn't even know of it)-- she is not in that state! "that state" in no way, exists besides. She is whole and healthy, has a complete body and full senses, has never been in the sights of such a thing, nor has it been in hers (or anyone's in fact, as sworn by multiple equally empathetic folks with tenure in medical and scientific fields), and picture the real: picture her as she, this women, truly is. Probably couldn't hurt to hold a mirror to your own healthy bod for a second, too (that's what did the trick for me in this case).

Again, my heart goes out to you: I know what you're feeling, I've felt it many times. I know you can get completely past it. I'll raise a little glass to you this eve and make a brief wish for a speedy sense of peace and a sea change of the inner senses, even as the empathy that had to do with starting it remains, and may you find that it is with that empathy that you will also be able to help others to heal and to prevail in this and many other untold ways. cheers
posted by herbplarfegan at 3:04 PM on July 15, 2011


worth repeating:
"This thing is not what I thought it is; it is just color shuffled by mouseclicks to attempt a concept-- that concept is utterly unconnected to anything real, hence my senses have no access to it, hence my mind has no access to it. This is all truth: my mind has no access to it."
posted by herbplarfegan at 3:07 PM on July 15, 2011


Yecch. Okay, well, in re. trevyn's astute comment -- if it helps, if that was a real phenomenon, that would be all over the chest, even under the armpits. Milk ducts are all over the place; any sort of parasite wouldn't cluster over the nipple like that. Wikipedia medical illustration of cross-section of lactating breast
posted by kmennie at 6:53 PM on July 15, 2011


Posted too soon, sorry... So -- return to the image that represents reality, and try using that image to rub out the disturbing one.
posted by kmennie at 6:54 PM on July 15, 2011


Couple of techniques from Paul McKenna.

Whiteout: When image comes to mind, "freeze it" i.e. make a still image out of it in your head and then turn up the exposure on the image until it "whites out" and become a clean white page.

Distance: When image comes to mind, "freeze it" and make it black and white. Then metally push the image away into the distance letting it get smaller and smaller until it disappears.

Basically these two techniques give you quick and effective control over the offending thoughts and just knowing that you can use them often reduces anxiety.

You can use these techniques on any unwanted emotional thoughts or images.
posted by R.Stornoway at 3:37 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


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