I theoretically want to reach out and touch someone.
June 29, 2011 8:46 AM Subscribe
I’m a 31-year-old straight woman living in the US and not at all religious. I've never been a big fan of physical contact unless it's with someone that I love. I never remember a time, where I looked at random guy or celebrity and thought, "Wow. I'd really like to kiss him." As I get to know a guy, I might or might not become physically attracted to him. It typically takes several dates though.
This weekend, I'm going out for the 4th time with a guy who I am still not sure about. I like spending time with him, but I am almost dreading going out again because I feel like after four dates, I should at least kiss him. I don't think I'm ready to kiss him though.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (35 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I'm starting to feel very upset and anxious. I keep worrying that if I don't show any physical affection, he's going to disappear. This has happened to me in the past, where I go out with a guy three or four times, but still can't decide if I want to even touch him and then he disappears or even worse tells me he doesn't think it's going to work out.
I assume these guys are thinking nasty things about me and it makes me feel really depressed and even more anxious than I normally feel.
My questions are as follows:
-How can I force myself to kiss these guys without cringing or feeling disgusted? Sometimes I think if I force myself, it won't be so bad, but I always chicken out.
-When I first meet a guy, how can I get my mind off of imagining what it would be like to have sex with him and feeling disgusted at the idea? (I can assure you that I am attracted to men, but it just takes me awhile to feel physical attraction.)
-Is there anything I can do to speed up the process of feeling physically attracted to these men?
-How can I assure these guys I'm not using them? I always try to pay because I don't want to feel indebted, but they almost always insist on paying. Then, I feel bad because I imagine they must think I am a user and only going out with them for a free meal (which is not true).
-How can I broach the topic of being friends first when I am meeting these guys on a dating site?
I've been in three serious relationships in my life. The first two were with men I had been friends with long before we started dating. My feelings slowly arose over the course of a year or more. With my most recent ex, I felt attraction to after the second date and was really happy when he took the liberty of kiss me when I didn't expect it. It was a real rarity though and I feel like I should go out with these new guys until I am sure I won't feel attracted to them.