Having trouble moving on after a murky break up, and berating myself for my mistakes. How do I move forward?
I posted this anonymous question a few weeks ago question
It's been about 3 weeks now, and the first week of the break up BF and I tried to remain "friends". We didn't see each other, just phone/email contact. After each contact, I realized that it just made my grief greater, and made it more difficult to move forward. I emailed him telling him that for now, I couldn't maintain contact with him because it was too painful, and just opened up the wound each time we spoke. I told him that if in the future he was ready to date again, to please contact me, or I would contact him when I felt emotionally well enough to maintain a friendship.
That lasted about a week and a half until I had a complete break down this past weekend and called him sobbing. Again, he was kind, completely understanding, and encouraged me to call him whenever I need to, but wanted to make sure that I felt okay to do so (because of my previous statement that it just re-opens old wounds). Well, since that conversation, I feel like I've been set back to the day of the break up. I'm crying relentlessly, feeling depressed, anxious, and also selfish that I am leaning on him for comfort when what he is going through is so much more soul-crushing and distressful than my pain over a break up.
And I'm having trouble moving forward because despite the break up, there is hope for getting back together in the future. It's not guaranteed, nor is he saying it's a guarantee. But he's not saying it's impossible. He continues to say he would love to be with me, but can't right now because the circumstances of his life are such that he can't possibly devote any attention to a relationship. He's not asking me to wait for him either because he knows it's selfish and he has no idea how long he will need to get through this ugly divorce.
1. How do I stop beating myself up for having an emotional breakdown and calling him?
2. How do I move forward when I feel so much in limbo? I desperately want to be with him, but know it's impossible right now, and it may not be possible in the future either.
3. How do you move on when you still really care about someone, they care about you, but the timing is just completely screwed up?