Splitsville?
May 20, 2011 11:30 PM Subscribe
Physical vs mental ... I'm seriously ready to split. How can I make this work?
Forgive me, I'm a little drunk and mad. Been 12 years married to the same woman. She thinks I should just do her. I need a bit more cerebral play! How do I tell her that ... I've moved beyond the physical!
I've moved beyond the physical ... WHAT DO I DO???
Forgive me, I'm a little drunk and mad. Been 12 years married to the same woman. She thinks I should just do her. I need a bit more cerebral play! How do I tell her that ... I've moved beyond the physical!
I've moved beyond the physical ... WHAT DO I DO???
This post was deleted for the following reason: Maybe try this a little more focused next week? -- cortex
when you are sober, go buy a book by David Schnarch - either this one or this one. He will help both you and your wife figure out how to get what you want. His position is that really good sex requires some emotional maturity, communication skills and enough confidence (in yourself and the relationship) to take risks that have the potential of opening up whole new possibilities.
posted by metahawk at 11:44 PM on May 20, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by metahawk at 11:44 PM on May 20, 2011 [1 favorite]
Drink less, sex more.
posted by auto-correct at 11:51 PM on May 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by auto-correct at 11:51 PM on May 20, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have a slight buzz right now, and even I can't understand what the hell you're talking about.
posted by CommonSense at 12:02 AM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by CommonSense at 12:02 AM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]
If you've been married for twelve years and are arguing over how to make love, may I respectfully suggest that you should seek marriage counseling to address your communication issues?
posted by asciident at 12:06 AM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by asciident at 12:06 AM on May 21, 2011 [3 favorites]
Well, what do you want?
Explain to her that you don't exactly just have an 'on' switch, and that maybe things need to evolve to that point. I think wives sometimes assume that you'll be ready to go the second that they are, though it's a lot more complicated than that.
I seriously doubt that you've "moved on" beyond the physical. More likely, you're missing something that you would like. If she wants to get hers, then you'll need to get yours, too. Communicate with her. It's possible that everyone can be happy in this scenario.
posted by Gilbert at 12:29 AM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
Explain to her that you don't exactly just have an 'on' switch, and that maybe things need to evolve to that point. I think wives sometimes assume that you'll be ready to go the second that they are, though it's a lot more complicated than that.
I seriously doubt that you've "moved on" beyond the physical. More likely, you're missing something that you would like. If she wants to get hers, then you'll need to get yours, too. Communicate with her. It's possible that everyone can be happy in this scenario.
posted by Gilbert at 12:29 AM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
Don't wank for a week. See how much you're split from the physical then. Then just do her.
posted by Not Supplied at 1:13 AM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Not Supplied at 1:13 AM on May 21, 2011 [2 favorites]
If she still wants you to 'just do her' after 12 years of marriage you should thank your lucky stars as perhaps the luckiest man in the world and just get on with it.
posted by joannemullen at 2:56 AM on May 21, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by joannemullen at 2:56 AM on May 21, 2011 [5 favorites]
Yes, asciident nailed it. This isn't an issue of minor differences in how you "do it", this is a communication and intimacy issue.
A little counseling would be very helpful.
posted by tomswift at 3:14 AM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]
A little counseling would be very helpful.
posted by tomswift at 3:14 AM on May 21, 2011 [1 favorite]
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posted by Jacqueline at 11:35 PM on May 20, 2011