So much grief
April 19, 2011 6:56 AM Subscribe
Is there a grief groups in Silicon Valley, for men?
My wife got pregnant. Shortly after, she became very ill. The doctors recommended that the pregnancy be terminated and start a few medications in parallel. And so we did. We had wanted a baby so badly. It was the most traumatic thing in my life.
Compounding things was a tiny comment by a doctor months afterward when the illness subsided: "Hm, maybe the termination wasn't necessary. We'll never know."
It's been many many months now and I still haven't gotten over this. I have flashbacks to the recovery room scene occasionally.
A therapist I'd been seeing recommended that I go to some sort of grief group - that sharing this experience with more people might help. Does something like this exist in Silicon Valley? For men?
My wife got pregnant. Shortly after, she became very ill. The doctors recommended that the pregnancy be terminated and start a few medications in parallel. And so we did. We had wanted a baby so badly. It was the most traumatic thing in my life.
Compounding things was a tiny comment by a doctor months afterward when the illness subsided: "Hm, maybe the termination wasn't necessary. We'll never know."
It's been many many months now and I still haven't gotten over this. I have flashbacks to the recovery room scene occasionally.
A therapist I'd been seeing recommended that I go to some sort of grief group - that sharing this experience with more people might help. Does something like this exist in Silicon Valley? For men?
My condolences also. What a heartbreaking situation.
Another possible route to find a pregnancy-loss grief support group for men in your area is to call a nearby obstetrical or midwife practice. The professional community who work there may know of some resources or can start to shake the tree on your behalf. When I was having a lot of pain and grief about a different and rather unusual health situation I was able to find a support group via the medical community's connections--and even just a couple of visits were incredibly healing--so that might work for you too.
Finally, I want to commend you on reaching out and dealing with the pain directly. It's very difficult for men to do sometimes but I think you and your wife will be much, much better off in the long run for having addressed it. Again, I'm so sorry. Best of luck to you both.
posted by Sublimity at 10:49 AM on April 19, 2011
Another possible route to find a pregnancy-loss grief support group for men in your area is to call a nearby obstetrical or midwife practice. The professional community who work there may know of some resources or can start to shake the tree on your behalf. When I was having a lot of pain and grief about a different and rather unusual health situation I was able to find a support group via the medical community's connections--and even just a couple of visits were incredibly healing--so that might work for you too.
Finally, I want to commend you on reaching out and dealing with the pain directly. It's very difficult for men to do sometimes but I think you and your wife will be much, much better off in the long run for having addressed it. Again, I'm so sorry. Best of luck to you both.
posted by Sublimity at 10:49 AM on April 19, 2011
My wife and I lost a baby in March of last year and it was the most horrible thing I have ever went through. Good for you for recognizing you need help. I will second Sublimity's suggestion for calling around to the OB or midwife practices.
Remember, you made a decision in the best interest of your wife with the information you had at the time. That is all anyone can do. You can't beat yourself up for the rest of your life for making a loving and caring decision regarding your wife's health. That doctor has no idea what would have happened. Frankly, and pardon my language, he/she was an asshole for making the comment to you in the first place.
If you think it would help to have someone to talk to, send me a message. Good luck!
posted by Silvertree at 12:14 PM on April 19, 2011
Remember, you made a decision in the best interest of your wife with the information you had at the time. That is all anyone can do. You can't beat yourself up for the rest of your life for making a loving and caring decision regarding your wife's health. That doctor has no idea what would have happened. Frankly, and pardon my language, he/she was an asshole for making the comment to you in the first place.
If you think it would help to have someone to talk to, send me a message. Good luck!
posted by Silvertree at 12:14 PM on April 19, 2011
I've done some volunteering with Kara and I highly recommend them.
posted by bananafish at 2:42 PM on April 19, 2011
posted by bananafish at 2:42 PM on April 19, 2011
Yeah, Kara.
posted by madmethods at 2:58 PM on April 19, 2011
posted by madmethods at 2:58 PM on April 19, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by lemonwheel at 7:55 AM on April 19, 2011