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August 14, 2010 7:20 PM Subscribe
How do I become one of those people who makes everyone they talk to feel great? With bonus: how to manage the situation gracefully if this is taken as a come-on...
posted by Chrysalis to human relations (24 answers total) 206 users marked this as a favorite
I've met a few people in my life who have really great social skills and are just wonderful to be around because they have a way of making everyone around them feel great. I want to be like that! One guy that I'm thinking of is from my gym, and he introduces himself to people, makes them feel welcome, makes people feel interesting, compliments them... all in a way that feels very genuine and warm and not as if he wants something. I would love to be like that, but am not sure where to start. I am trying to get better at remembering names but I am TERRIBLE at it, and I often get shy to approach people and might sometimes come across as snobbish because I don't want to bother people - when really I'd love to be someone who could give someone a big warm hello and ask them how they're going.
So what are your tips for being one of these people? What kind of things can I do to make the people I talk to feel great and enjoy our conversations, and know that I'm enjoying it too? How can I be warm and welcoming and give compliments without seeming sleazy or fake? (I genuinely love talking to new people and getting to know a bit about them, love it, but I worry that I might come across wrong) I'd love to be someone who makes the people I run into feel good about themselves in some small way through our interactions, but sometimes the idea of being that friendly seems... scary? Possibly because I don't know how to deal with what happens if they want more than friendship...
I'm also female and spend a lot of time in very male-dominated, or exclusively male environments, because of my hobbies. I've made friends with some awesome guys through this but it's usually taken a while because I haven't wanted to come across like I'm trying to pick them up - so I've acted very distant and "professional" instead of being warm and friendly, until we've gotten used to eachother.
But even generally, I really enjoy talking to strangers at bars, parties etc, but would like to be more confident to approach them and start conversations, which I think I would be if I didn't feel worried that maybe they'll think I'm hitting on them (if they are male) and I won't know how to manage that gracefully. If it gets taken the wrong way, is there a nice way to explain that you're just the kind of person who likes to have a chat with everyone and be friendly, and you don't actually want anything beyond that? Or is it unfair for a girl to be friendly with guys and just enjoy the interaction, without any further intentions? I'm single at the moment but the idea of not meeting new random people etc when I'm in a relationship seems depressing.