Anxiety? or my gut instinct?
April 18, 2010 7:08 PM Subscribe
Trust my instincts? or just relationship anxiety?
posted by mrspeacock to Human Relations (14 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I have been dating this guy for 4 months. He is my first boyfriend, first of mostly everything. There are several problems.
Background: We were acquaintances for 5 months before we started dating. I knew he had a crush on me because he told one of our mutual friends. We were innocently flirting through out this time since I was casually dating someone else and wasn't really sure if he actually liked me. We finally made out in one drunken night and started dating after that (He did something, wanted to make it up so went to watch a movie).
1. Two months into dating he said he loved me. This was only after asking him about why he has been distant. He explained that he's pulling back because he rarely gets into serious relationships and he has fallen in love with me. I don't trust people easily and I was doubtful when he said this. I wasn't sure if I believed him but at the point I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Three weeks later, I said I loved him too. Looking back I'm not really sure if I meant it (I said it when I was drunk . . .)
2. Recently our communication has decreased. We usually text each other a lot through out the day. He says he is with his friends and hanging out with them. He rarely calls (he's not a big fan of phones). I feel like he's hiding something from me when he's with his friends. He says he misses me and cares about me. Whenever we're apart (he lives an hour away), I feel like he doesn't care as much as he says (he says he means it). I don't have this anxiety when I'm with him.
3. I trust him, but a part of me says I shouldn't. He always comforts me whenever I start to question our relationship, saying he cares about me, that I make him happy, he loves me. Our mutual friend, whom he confides to, says that he's practically head over heels for me. The thing is, I want to believe my boyfriend but I'm not really sure if I should.
Another thing is, this was supposed to be a short-term relationship. He's going to move to a different city in July. However, he thinks we can make it work. I'm not sure since this is my first relationship and I have nothing to compare this to.
Should I trust my instinct that he's no longer interested in me or maybe cheating on me? Am I just looking for an excuse to get out? Am I just a commitment phobe? Please give me some perspective.