What does it mean when a guy apologize and cries in front of you yet still behaves inappropriately?
hi, mefi community:
I'm a 29 year old without prior dating experience and I posted previously
about a guy from my graduate school that I went out with. He ended up taking advantage of my naivety in relationships and became the first person I made out with, kissed and had sex with, is very good at both sweet-talk and being physically aggressive. Luckily, I had friends that looked out for me and warned me about him and the mefi community also gave me great advice on the true intention of this guy, so I broke things off with him in the end (had to do that twice).
Now I will not go back to this guy as now I think he never truly liked me in the first place and is only using me for sex. But I wanted to get the mefi community's opinion on a surprising event that happened after I broke up with him for good the second time around.
Basically after I broke up with him the second time, we didn't speak or see each other at school, until I saw him at a school party entirely randomly. I was really pissed when I saw him and brushed him off all night long even as he tries to talk to me. At the end of night I took this student home and he asked me to gave him a ride, I can't say no when the other student is besides him at the time because no one at the school knows about us so it'd be awkward to refuse helping a classmate. So I agreed to give him a ride.
The other student got off first, when I was alone with him. He says he wanted to tell something. Then he started apologize for behaving disrespectfully towards me. He says I'm this amazing incredible woman and he's lucky to having gotten to know me and spent time with me. He wanted me to know that things didn't work out have nothing to do with me and everything to do with him because he's not emotionally available. Then he started telling me why he broke up with his two exes, both of which are serious. He said his parents divorce affected him and led him to have a fear to commitment. As he was talking about his parents, his eyes welled up and he cried in front of me. By the way, we were sitting by the pool in his apartment complex at this point. But we moved into his apartment because the security guard kicked us out of the pool area. He still wanted to talk and I felt bad since he was crying. Once we were inside the apartment, he apologized more, saying he made a lot of mistakes with me, that I deserve better because he can't give me anything. I broke down at this point because what he did really affected me emotionally, also, my parents recently got divorced and I wasn't able to share that with anyone. So I told him about my parents divorce and he hugged me really tight.
Anyway, after the emotional outpour and we both quieted down, he started showing me his music collection, telling me about his past, his family, started joking around. Then he said he was really tired, lied down on the couch and wanted me to lie down besides him. I was like, NO way! he said he was really tired, so he's not going to put the moves on me. He just wanted to feel someone besides him. Oh, he also tried to kiss me. It was 3 or 4am around this time.
I eventually left, we didn't have sex again. He fell asleep and I refused to lie down besides him on the bed. About a week or so later, he told me that he realized breaking up with his ex was a huge mistake and he wanted her back desperately. He said they had a happy healthy relationship and were talking of getting married. But he dumped her all of sudden because of religion. He's Jewish and both his ex and I are Asian. He thought religion was really important at the time, but now he realized he threw away a great relationship. And he was only using religion when he really feared commitment due to his parents divorce.
I believed his apology were genuine at the time I heard them because he cried. It was totally unexpected. I thought he cared about me in some form then, but now I felt his apologies were insincere and he never even liked me because if he's truly sincere in apologizing to me, he should ask to set up a time to meet and talk during the daytime, not wait until I spontaneously bump into him at a school party. He would also not trying to make out with me (I didn't know at the time, but he told me later that he realized breaking up with ex was a mistake was the day before I broke up with him the 2nd time) when he already know he wants to go back with his ex.
Also, although I don't know the details of his relationship w/his ex, it's quite a coincidence that he happens to figure out that the break up was a mistake during the weeks that I refused to see him.
I know I'm probably over-analyzing again, but I wanted to hear mefi community's opinions. It'll help me in making better decisions when encounter similar situations in the future.